


GLASS

by rubyelf



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Psychological Trauma, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-13
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2017-11-14 04:40:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 78,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/511410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubyelf/pseuds/rubyelf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Billy/Dom AU. Billy is an ER nurse who can't resist trying to help an occasionally self-destructive Dominic. Unfortunately, the secrets Dominic's been carrying around are worse than Billy could have imagined, and trying to help Dominic puts Billy at risk in ways he never expected. When Billy says he won't give up on him, how much is he really promising to accept?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Glass

**Author's Note:**

> Each of these chapters was originally written and posted as a separate story in a series. This is my attempt to put them all in one place and in proper, readable order.

“What are you drinking tonight, Billy?” Miranda asked. “The usual?”

Billy nodded as the slender bartender turned away, blond curls falling loose over her bare shoulders. Normally Miranda in a tight-fitting tank top would garner enough tips that she could get away with inattentive service, but it was early and a weeknight and Billy was the only one at the bar. He could hear low voices in the back room where the pool tables were, but no click and rattle of an ongoing game. He jerked his head questioningly.

“Karl’s back there talking to one of the boys,” Miranda said, a frown creasing her forehead.

“Nobody told him this was the wrong bar for boys?”

Karl strode out of the back room, dark-haired and sturdy, with heavy brows usually brightened by a broad grin. Today, though, he was scowling. That caught Billy’s attention; Karl was genuinely fond of most of his “staff” and he was only really cross when someone had mistreated or upset one of them. Locals had learned quickly that you didn’t rough up Karl’s girls, or his boys for that matter, unless you were prepared for Karl to come around and rough you up later.

The bigger man motioned for a drink before smiling at Billy.

“Hello! You haven’t been around much.”

“Working late shifts. People seem to have a habit of liking to show up in the emergency department at odd hours instead of on a proper nine to five schedule.”

Karl chuckled. “I expect so.”

“Trouble?” Billy asked, glancing toward the back room.

Karl sighed. “Can’t do a damn thing with that one there, can I, love?”

Miranda patted his hand. “Can’t help people that don’t want to be helped.”

“What’s the problem?”

“Main problem is that the kid isn’t cut out for this sort of thing, but he’s too stubborn to admit it. I even offered to buy him a bus ticket to somewhere else… wouldn’t take it. He did all right at first, but there’s people that can do this for a living and people who can’t.”

“Shame, too,” Miranda said. “He’s quite stunning, or at least he used to be. Those eyes…”

Karl nodded. “I know it.”

“What do you mean, used to be?” Billy asked.

Karl shrugged. “Not sure… he’s either been drinking or using, I think. I hadn’t seen him for a few days and tonight he’s definitely fucked up on something.”

“Maybe you should have a look at him, Billy,” Miranda suggested.

“I’m not a doctor.”

“No, but you see enough of that sort of thing in the emergency department, right?”

“All right, all right,” Billy said, knowing there was little point in arguing with Miranda.

The lamps above the pool tables were dark, leaving the back room dimly lit from the doorway. As Billy’s eyes adjusted, he found a still figure behind the tables, sitting on a stool with his back and shoulders propped into the corner to keep him upright. Worn blue jeans and a thin gray t-shirt hung loosely off the lean frame, and a black fedora was tipped forward over his face. Hearing Billy come in, one hand rose and tipped the hat back, revealing breathlessly blue eyes lined with black kohl in a narrow, intense face fringed with sandy blond hair.

“What do you want?” he asked, frowning. “Karl send you to have a chat with me?”

“No. My name’s Billy.”

“Hmm. Dom.”

“What’s that?”

“Dominic. Dom.”

“Oh.”

He pulled the hat back down over his face and moved to stand up, shifting his weight unsteadily. Exposed to the light from the door way, his skin was pale and his forehead damp with sweat. Billy offered him a hand to help him up.

“I’m not drunk,” he muttered. “Tried to tell Karl that.”

Billy frowned; the younger man’s hand was very warm.

“You don’t look drunk. You look like you might be ill. You haven’t been feeling well?”

Dominic shrugged and tugged at the collar of his t-shirt, revealing a gash into the soft juncture of his shoulder and neck, probably several days old, ugly and swollen and clearly infected.

“That’s nasty. You should have been to hospital.”

“Can’t afford it.”

“Karl would give you the money.”

“Ahh, but then Karl would have to know, wouldn’t he?”

“If somebody hurt you…”

“Hurt me? I did this to myself. Fucking with a broken window and a big chunk of it shattered and fell on me. Probably shouldn’t have punched it in the first place.”

“You did that punching windows?”

“Yep.”

He held up his hands; the knuckles were badly bruised and decorated with illegible scribblings in black marker. Dominic studied Billy over his extended hands, and Billy realized what Miranda had meant about his eyes; clear blue, with an intent gaze, they left Billy momentarily breathless.

“Let me take care of that gash before it gets worse,” he said finally.

“You a doctor?”

“No, but I work in the emergency department. I do things like this a lot.”

“No thanks.”

“Look, just come back to my flat for an hour or two and I’ll clean it up and you’ll feel a lot better.”

“I’m fine.”

 “You’re not. That’s infected and it’s making you ill,” Billy argued, without really knowing why. “Come on… Karl knows me. I’m not…”

“Bugger off,” Dominic said impatiently, stepping past him and out into the bar.

Karl and Miranda looked up.

“Dominic,” Karl said, frowning.

The younger man kept walking, refusing to look at any of them.

“What’s the going rate, Karl?” Billy asked abruptly.

Karl looked blank; he’d known Billy a long time and never known him to take anyone of either gender home with him before.

“I… what?”

“You heard me. What’s the going rate?”

Dominic had stopped near the door, listening.

“Err… how long?” Karl managed to ask.

“Tomorrow noon-ish.”

He reached into his wallet and shoved a handful of bills at Karl.

“That enough?”

“Seeing as how you’re a friend… Dom? You interested?”

The young man shrugged.

“Dominic,” Karl said, his voice gentle. “How far behind are you on your rent now? The way you’ve been lately, nobody’s asking for you, and I don’t know why Billy is, but you’d be wise to take him up on it.”

Another shrug. “Can’t promise he’ll get his money’s worth.”

Karl glanced at Billy, took in the look on his face, and nodded slowly.

“Dominic, come here.”

He came slowly, like a sulking child.

“Look,” Karl said. “Billy’s an old friend and I trust him. He won’t hurt you.”

Dominic sighed and held out his hand as Karl counted most of the bills into his palm. He shoved the money into his pocket, looking at the floor.

“Miranda, will you call us a cab?” Billy asked quietly. He usually walked home, but he didn’t know if Dominic could manage it, as weary as he looked.

Dominic followed, obedient and resigned, as Billy led him into the apartment building and up the elevator, down the hall to Billy’s small, untidy apartment. He chuckled slightly as Billy kicked a pair of boots out of the way and hurried to scoop a pile of laundry off the couch.

“Either you haven’t got a wife, or she’s been out of town for a while.”

“Do you see a ring?”

“Most guys don’t wear their wedding rings when they’re out picking up prostitutes. Especially male ones.”

“I wasn’t out picking up prostitutes,” Billy disagreed, shoving the laundry into his bedroom.

Dominic raised his eyebrows, and Billy had to force himself to look away from those blue eyes rimmed with black, the sharply handsome face watching him with tired amusement.

“Look,” Dominic said finally, shaking his head. “I don’t know how much you’re going to get out of me, but if you just want to fuck me now and let me sleep for a few…”

“I didn’t bring you here to fuck you,” Billy said, disappearing into the bathroom.

“Fine. What? Blow job?”

“Sit down at the table,” Billy called.

Bemused, Dominic pulled out a chair and sat down, taking of his hat and setting it on the table. A moment later, Billy emerged from the bathroom; Dominic had been expecting perhaps some condoms and lube, but not a large first aid kit in a plastic box.

“What’s this?” he asked suspiciously.

Billy set the box down and popped it open. “Told you, I work in the emergency department.”

“What are you up to?”

“Fixing that nasty mess on your shoulder before it goes septic and you wind up in intensive care on IV antibiotics.”

“Fuck,” Dominic muttered.

“Take off your shirt.”

Dominic attempted to comply, but trying to lift his injured shoulder enough to pull the shirt off made him grit his teeth to silence a pained noise. He felt Billy tug at his shirt, and then he heard a snipping sound and the shirt fell to the floor.”

“Hey!”

“I’ll get you another one. You going to be okay while I do this?”

“Maybe,” the younger man said, voice slightly unsteady. “You sure you ought to be doing this?”

“It’s this or I haul you to the emergency department,” Billy said, working his hands into a pair of latex gloves.

Dominic sighed, chewing at his lower lip. “Fuck, then. Get on with it.”

He jumped when something wet touched the inflamed wound.

“Relax,” Billy said quickly. “It’s just a wet cloth. You all right?”

“Fine,” Dominic muttered, trying not to wince.

Billy felt his patient tense up, and his free hand came up to rest between his shoulder blades.

“Easy… just hang on a few minutes. Good Lord, Dominic, this is a mess!”

“Thanks. Like to do a proper job.”

Billy frowned. “Well, shit. No wonder it’s a mess… there’s still pieces of glass in there.”

Dominic shifted in the chair uneasily. “What are you going to do?”

“It’s got to come out,” Billy said, digging the tweezers out of the kit and cleaning them with an alcohol pad. “Ready?”

“Sure,” Dominic said quietly. His bruised hands had a white-knuckled grip on the edge of the table as Billy gingerly fished a shard of bloody glass out of the wound. Dominic hissed, and Billy took a moment to rub soothingly between his shoulder blades.

“Shh. It’s all right. There’s one more big piece of glass there. Just hold on.”

Intently focused, he managed to get a good grip on the glass, thinking to himself that this was exactly why one did not leave broken glass in a wound for days.

“Dominic? All right?”

“Fantastic.”

Billy pulled firmly, and a knife-blade shard of glass tore free of the wound, fresh blood welling up into the gap it left. Dominic could not bit back the sharp cry of pain, and Billy dropped the tweezers and glass to the table as he clamped gauze over the wound, pressing hard. Feeling the younger man start to go slack for a moment, he quickly slid his free hand under his uninjured arm, steadying him with a hand on his chest.

“Hey, Dominic… it’s done. I’m done. Just keeping some pressure for a moment so you don’t bleed too much.”

Dominic shifted, straightening up. “Fuck, that hurt.”

“I know. It’s done. It’ll heal up now without that chunk of glass in it. I’m going to call one of my coworkers in the morning and see about getting you some antibiotics…”

“Why?”

“Well, because it’s…”

“No, why? Why… any of this?”

Billy realized he was still holding Dominic against his chest, and he loosened his grip but didn’t release it.

“Not sure, really. Just seemed like I ought to.”

“Feeling sorry for me, then.”

“No,” Billy murmured.

“What, then?”

“Just…  couldn’t let you walk out of there like that, I suppose.”

“Hmm. Was it the big blue eyes?”

“Shit,” Billy said, laughing. “That might have something to do with it.”

“Always does.”

Billy noticed that he had made no attempt to pull away from him yet.

“Feels rather nice, this does,” Dominic said quietly.

Billy’s stomach shifted at the words.

“Must say, though,” Dominic added, “the rubber gloves really do ruin the effect.”

Billy laughed and released him, checking the gash. “Still bleeding, but that’s all right… help clean it out. Let me bandage it up properly and then you can lie down on the couch.”

“Oh?”

“Oh, what?”

“Oh, I figured you’d want to have a go at some point. You did pay for it.”

“I paid so you’d come back here with me.”

Dominic winced as Billy tightened the bandage. “I see.”

“Besides, I doubt you’d be much fun tonight anyway.”

“Why not?”

“Well, you look absolutely exhausted, and you’re bleeding, and you’re running a temperature.”

“I owe you something, at least.”

“We can talk about that later. Right now, you’re going to lay down on that couch, and I’m going to grab you some Tylenol.”

He ducked back into the bathroom. In addition to the Tylenol he found half of a bottle of prescription painkillers from his last root canal. He grabbed two of each and a bottle of water from the fridge and brought them to Dominic, who was sitting cross-legged on the couch.

“Thanks,” he said, taking the bottle. “What’s this?”

“Tylenol and some kind of painkiller.”

Dominic smiled and tipped his head back, swallowing. Billy found himself noticing that the younger man had a very fine curve along the line of his jaw that would be lovely to trace with his fingers.

“There,” he said, forcing himself to sound at ease. “Now, lay back and go to sleep.”

“What it I don’t want to?”

“Then the painkillers will do it for you shortly.”

Dominic  grinned and obediently stretched his lean frame across the length of the couch. Billy studied the ribs beneath the pale skin and decided Dominic was not leaving tomorrow without a proper breakfast. Then the idea of Dominic leaving tomorrow struck him.

Had to pay him just to come up here, he reminded himself sharply. Not going to stay… probably couldn’t wait for his time to be up so he could leave.

He looked back to Dominic’s face, the sandy blond hair still damp with sweat, the kohl around his eyes smeared into the dark circles beneath them, white bandages marred with red streaks wrapped around his shoulder. Dominic squinted at him, frowning.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Billy said, turning away. “You all right? Not hurting too badly?”

“No. Doesn’t feel nearly so bad now that it doesn’t have pieces of glass in it.”

“Funny how that is. You think you can sleep?”

“I don’t think I’ll have any trouble with that.”

Billy nodded and turned toward his room.

“Billy?” Dominic yawned.

“Yes?”

“Thanks.”

Billy stripped to his boxers and slumped into bed, wondering what the hell he was doing. The stranger in his living room could be gone in the morning with half of his apartment. Or he could do something worse. Without those wide blue eyes distracting him, he had time to wonder what kind of mental breakdown he was having if this had seemed like a good idea.

After lying uneasily in the dark for a while, he dragged himself out of bed and into the living room, half expecting to find Dominic gone, but the young man was still stretched out on the couch, boneless in his exhaustion, and to Billy he suddenly looked alarmingly young and thin and almost fragile. Realizing his unwilling guest needed sleep more than he needed to steal Billy’s unimpressive belongings, he climbed back into his bed and was soon asleep.

He woke in darkness, sitting up in alarm as he realized there was someone else in the room with him. He fumbled and managed to switch on the light on the stand by the bed.

Dominic leaned in the doorway, still in his threadbare jeans, staring at Billy with eyes that had become vast expanses of blue with dazed pinprick pupils.

“What…” he muttered, still half asleep, and glanced at the clock on the stand. 4:37AM. “Dominic? Are you all right?”

“Hmm? Oh. Woke up a while ago… shoulder hurt like hell… so I found your pain pills in the cabinet.”

Oh, fuck, Billy thought. There had been at least a dozen pills left in that bottle.

“Dom, how many did you take?”

“Three.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yep. Counted ‘em. One… two… three…”

Billy exhaled. As light as Dominic was and as long as it had probably been since he’d eaten, three of the pills would knock him right on his ass, but they wouldn’t kill him.

“Not feeling any pair now, are you?”

Dominic shook his head, grinning. “No. I do feel a bit…”

Billy realized that he was starting to slide down the wall. He cursed and swung himself out of bed just in time to grab Dominic around the waist before he made it any nearer to the floor. Dominic made a small sound of surprise as Billy hauled him to his feet.

“Those pills did a number on you,” Billy said, propping him back against the wall to steady him. “I think you ought to lie down.”

“Okay…” he murmured. “I’ll go back to the couch.”

“You won’t make it back to the couch, and I’m not dragging you,” Billy said, turning to steer him toward the bed. Unbalanced, Dominic threw up his uninjured arm and hooked it over Billy’s shoulders, bringing his startled face within inches of Billy’s. In the glare of the bedside lamp, his eyes were deep indigo and huge, leaving Billy momentarily unable to speak.

“What?” Dominic asked.

Good Lord, Billy thought, and forced himself to move, letting Dominic fall back onto the bed. The younger man stared up at him, puzzled.

“What… ‘s this your bed?”

“Yes. Stay there and go back to sleep before you hurt yourself.”

“Hmm. Seems ‘m good at that.”

Billy climbed back into bed and hauled Dominic up until most of him was in a reasonably comfortable position while Dominic watched him with sleepy curiosity and mild confusion.

“There,” Billy sighed. He rolled over and stretched out again, acutely conscious of the warm body next to him, but eventually weariness took over and he dozed off again.

He let Dominic sleep through the morning while he made coffee, cleaned up the mess left on the table from the night before, and absently tidied up the laundry and dirty dishes. He had half an eye on the clock as it crept closer to noon and then slipped well past it. Eventually he heard Dominic stirring, and somehow he didn’t feel like hearing what the younger man would probably say on his way out the door. He stepped into the bathroom, dropping his boxers and shirt in the corner, and turned on the shower. The hot water beat down on his head and drowned out any noises from the other room.

The bathroom door opened. Billy straightened up, surprised.

“Billy?”

“What?”

There was no answer.

“It’s well after noon,” Billy said. “You can go whenever you want. You don’t have to…”

He jerked back, startled, as the shower curtain was pulled aside, and then Dominic was in the shower with him, entirely naked except for the bandage on his shoulder, which was rapidly getting soaked.

“Dom… I…”

Dominic studied him silently, blond hair still unruly from sleep and now dripping into his face. His eyes, brighter and more intent than Billy had seen them before, were fixed unwaveringly on Billy’s startled face, burning into him.

“It’s after…”

“I know what time it is, Billy,” he said evenly. “I don’t turn into a pumpkin when the clock strikes noon. And I know I don’t have to be here.”

“Look, you don’t owe me anything… I don’t want you to think…”

Dominic leaned into the hot water and kissed him, his mouth demanding, his teeth tugging at Billy’s lower lip. Although there was no other contact between them, by the time Dominic released him from the kiss he found himself abruptly and almost painfully hard, gasping for breath. Dominic leaned back and grinned lazily.

“You like that?”

Seeing that Billy could only stare blankly, he laughed and slid closer, the water now cascading over both of them. One hand rose and almost absently traced a line from Billy’s hip up to his chest, feeling Billy shiver at the contact.

“Fuck,” he whispered.

Dominic grinned as his hands slid down Billy’s arms to close gently but firmly around his wrists before he leaned in to kiss him again, biting at his lip to hear him gasp, pulling his hips away when Billy involuntarily thrust toward him.

“Do you want something, Billy?”

“Please…”

“Please what?” Dominic asked, long fingers still wrapped around Billy’s wrists. “You could’ve had me last night.”

Billy shook his head.

“No? Why not?”

“You didn’t want it.”

“I would have let you.”

“That doesn’t mean you wanted it.”

“You’re right…” he said, fixing Billy’s wide eyes with his own bright blue ones. “But I do want it now.”

 

……………….

 

Dominic raised his eyebrows. “Come on, now. You’re not really going to argue about this while I’m naked in the shower with you, right?”

“I wasn’t arguing, exactly…” Billy murmured.

“Good,” Dominic said, and with his hand around Billy’s right wrist lifted his hand to his mouth and closed his lips around two of Billy’s fingers, sucking hard. Billy mumbled something unintelligible and closed his eyes, the water feeling suddenly cold in comparison to the warm tongue playing with his fingers. Fuck, he thought to himself, shivering, if the man could do this to him just by sucking on his fingers… his cock twitched in anticipation, and Dominic released hi s hand and grinned.

“How long’s it been, Billy?”

Part of his brain searched for a witty answer, but that part was rapidly being silenced by Dominic’s questioning stare.

“Long time,” he said finally.

Dominic nodded, his hands tracing up and down Billy’s arms as he looked him over, contemplating. “Mm-hmm. Then I suppose we’d better take that edge off, then, or I won’t have time to enjoy it when you fuck me.”

An attempt at a word became a small sound somewhere between torment and eagerness as the younger man went down to his knees, trailing his lips down Billy’s chest and stomach, hands reaching around to grasp the backs of his thighs.

“You do want to fuck me, don’t you?” he murmured, his lips against the soft skin just above Billy’s hip.

“You’re fucking killing me, Dom.”

“Then tell me,” he said, grinning as he rubbed his rough cheek against the head of Billy’s cock.

“What?”

“Tell me you want to fuck me.”

“Damnit… yes, I want to fuck you!”

Dominic’s lips twitched into a knowing smirk just before he pulled Billy closer, mouth sliding smoothly to take him in. Billy grasped for something to hold onto, had the presence of mind not to grab Dominic’s injured shoulder, and found his hands full of wet, dark gold hair. Dominic clearly didn’t intend to drag this part out; he worked quickly, wrapping long fingers around the base of Billy’s cock and stroking as he dragged his tongue up the length of it. Billy tried to keep still, but his hips moved of their own accord, following Dominic’s mouth as it drew away and then slid back down again. It didn’t take much of this to send Billy over the edge, fingers tangled in Dominic’s wet hair, vision going to blackness and stars for a moment. Then he slid down the side of the shower, landing on his ass with Dominic still on his knees in front of him, leering at him.

“You all right?” he asked, reaching over to turn off the water before pushing his hair back out of his face.

“Oof. I think so,” Billy said. Then he stopped, frowning. “Your shoulder’s bleeding again.”

“I don’t care,” Dominic said impatiently.

“I do.”

“Fuck…” Dominic protested, almost a whine.

Billy stumbled to his feet. “Come on. It’ll only take me a minute to bandage it back up again.”

“Don’t want to bleed on any of your towels here…”

“They’re all old. I’ll throw it out if it won’t come clean. Now get out here.”

Dominic rolled his eyes. “Can’t you see I’ve got other things that need to be attended to?”

Billy glanced down, smirking; Dominic’s cock was jutting toward him, demanding attention.

“Shoulder first.”

“Then get the fuck on with it, already!”

Dominic sat with the towel around his waist, tapping his foot in annoyance as Billy bandaged another sterile pad over the gash. It might have been done sooner if it had not occurred to Dominic at some point to entertain himself by nuzzling and Billy’s chest and biting him lightly while he tried to work. It was even less helpful when a hand slid under Billy’s towel and grabbed his as just as Dominic’s mouth closed firmly over one nipple. Billy finished securing the bandage with shaking hands as the one that was holding onto his ass began to trail long fingers down between his cheeks.”

“You’re not helping.”

“No?” Dominic asked, feigning wide-eyed innocence. Without the kohl those eyes were less intense, but the blue was somehow deeper.

“It should be illegal for you to look at people like that. Cause fucking traffic accidents.”

Dominic laughed. “What’s it doing to you?”

“Like you can’t tell, you bastard, and what your fingers are up to isn’t helping the situation.”

Dominic stood, pushing Billy backwards, and let his towel drop to the floor as he strolled toward the bedroom.

“You coming, or shall I just finish myself off?”

“Don’t you dare,” Billy said quickly, darting toward the bathroom/

“What are you doing?”

“Supplies…”

“I’ve got condoms in my wallet…”

Billy rummaged under the bathroom sink until he discovered an old, nearly full bottle of lube. He laughed to himself, brushed the dust off the cap, and retreated to the bedroom. He found Dominic sprawled on the bed, wiggling his toes and looking up at Billy impatiently.

“Fuck,” Billy murmured, staring. “How is it people aren’t beating down Karl’s door for a chance to get to you?”

“They were, for a bit. Don’t think they liked my attitude.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“Ah, but I’m here because I want to be.”

“You didn’t want to come.”

“No, but I didn’t know you then, did I?”

“Does that matter?”

Dominic raised an eyebrow. “Of course it fucking matters. You could’ve brought me back here and got what you wanted and sent me on my way, but you didn’t. And then I show up in your bed in the middle of the night so doped up I wouldn’t have cared what you did to me, and you still didn’t. I like you, and you’ve been nicer to me than anything I’m used to, and you’ve got rather nice eyes yourself, and a very fine ass. And this shoulder’s tidied up now instead of driving me half-crazy, and I got my first proper night’s sleep in days, so I’m feeling pretty fucking good. So yes, it matters. I want to be here and I want you, and if you were going to hurt me you’ve had plenty of chances already.”

Billy found himself nearly melting just listening to that voice.

“No,” he answered. “Never hurt you… I mean, never hurt anybody.”

“Well, then?”

Billy climbed onto the bed to stretch out next to Dominic, still unable to keep from staring. Beautiful and here, in his bed… he found himself hard again already, but the demand was less urgent this time; he could take his time now, and he couldn’t help imagining Dominic’s face, blue eyes wide, breathing out his name. He rolled over and pinned the younger man beneath him, loving the way his body shifted beneath him, cock pressing into Billy’s groin, hands clutching at him, desperate to increase the friction. Billy stroked the drying straw-gold hair for a moment before lowering his head to bring their lips together.

If anything had ever tasted better than kissing Dominic, Billy couldn’t think of it; the eager mouth meeting his, breath hot, lips yielding, letting Billy lead now. It was only a desperate need for air that finally drew them apart.

“Wow… that’s…”

Dominic grinned. “What?”

“I could fucking kiss you for days.”

“Oh, no. I’m not putting up with that. Kissing’s all well and good… and damn, Billy, if it doesn’t feel really good kissing you… but I’m in need to a lot more than that.”

Billy laughed. “What do you want?”

Dominic cocked his head and looked up at him as if he didn’t understand the question.

“Whatever… do what you want; it’ll be all right with me.”

“No, I asked what you want. And I’m going to keep you right here till you tell me.”

The blue eyes flicked sideways, unable to meet his gaze. “I don’t want anything in particular, just…”

“Come on. What?”

He sighed, relenting. “Just… just be nice to me. Please. That’s the only thing I want.”

“Of course I will,” Billy said, kissing him. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because that’s not usually how this part goes.”

Billy winced, disturbed by the hurt tone of Dominic’s voice. “That’s not how it’s supposed to go… you do realize that, right?”

“That’s what I’ve heard.”

He sounded so bitter and so lost that Billy had to wrap his arms around him and squeeze him tightly; it took him a moment to realize he wasn’t just thinking the words but whispering them urgently.

“It’s all right. All of it. I promise. It’s not like that, Dom… I’ll take care of you…”

At some point he must have said something right, because Dominic’s muscles slowly went clack beneath him, the coiled edginess fading, head tipping back into the pillow.

“Won’t hurt you,” Billy murmured.

“I know.”

Billy sat up and brushed the hair out of Dominic’s face. “Why don’t you roll over?”

He felt Dominic tense again for a moment, but then he slowly moved until he was lying on his stomach, head resting on his crossed arms. He obviously expected to feel Billy’s hands on his ass, so he twitched in surprise when those hands instead came to rest on his shoulders, one sliding up to run fingers through his hair while the other rested between his shoulder blades as if to steady him. Then both hands were stroking down his back, rubbing at knots in the long muscles that followed his spine, working up to his neck and finding the muscles there painfully tight, a consequence of the pain in his shoulder. As these knots began to yield to patient fingers, Dominic yielded too, letting himself be touched and soothed, shifting slightly to guide Billy’s hands and occasionally releasing a small, contented hum.

Billy slid downward, now able to smooth his palms across Dominic’s lower back, over his narrow hips and down lean thighs. Awakening somewhat from his daze, Dominic arched up into the touch, and Billy could feel him breathing faster as his hands came back up to finally take hold of that very attractive ass. Dominic muttered something unintelligible, but instead of squirming away he was stretching out, inviting more contact.

“Billy… do something… please…”

Billy laughed and reached for the bottle of lube, pouring some into one hand. He rested his other hand on Dominic’s back and let him feel the slick fingers tracing across his buttocks.

“Something like this?”

“Mm-hmm.”

Billy took his time; although Dominic offered no resistance to the finger that worked its way into him and was soon growling for him to get on with it, Billy didn’t feel inclined to rush. He was having too much fun fondling Dominic’s thighs with is unoccupied hand while he patiently stroked and searched with that one finger.

“Fuck,” Dominic muttered.

“Problem?”

“You’re killing me… I need more...”

“I’m getting there.”

“Get there fucking faster, then!”

Billy relented, withdrawing his finger and briskly sliding it back in along with a second one. Dominic made a small, pleased sound and shifted back against Billy’s hand.

“Impatient,” he murmured.

“You’re an evil bastard… oh!”

Billy grinned and repeated the motion with his fingers.

“Oh, fuck… don’t stop doing that…”

Billy worked on him for a few more minutes, until the demands turned into wordless, pleading exclamations. Then he drew away and sat back, ignoring the groan of protest.

“All right… over.”

“Damnit, Billy…”

“Come on, now.”

“Fine,” he said, rolling his eyes, and lazily flopped over onto his back, scowling up at Billy. “Happy now?”

Billy shifted to stretch his body over Dominic’s, kissing him again. The younger man immediately arched up against him, hands grasping his shoulders, legs tangling with his. Billy finally had to pull back, afraid that the combination of the kiss and Dominic’s restless motions beneath him would take him over the edge.

“You keep that up and we’ll have to start all over again,” he said breathlessly.

“Can’t have that happening,” Dominic said, laughing.

 Billy realized the younger man’s breathing was fast and rough, his blue eyes dark and watching him eagerly. Deciding he’d better continue while he still had his wits about him, he sat back between Dominic’s legs, noticing with satisfaction that Dominic was flushed, his cock painfully hard and already slick from rubbing against Billy’s skin.

He groped out with one hand and found the condom on the stand by the bed. Dominic watched him, and Billy saw something shift across his face as some of the coiled wariness began to slip back into his muscles.

“You all right?”

“Fine. Get on with it.”

“No… what is it?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

Dominic scowled. “Why does it matter?”

“Because I may not have any trophies on my shelf for amazing sex, but I’d still feel like quite the asshole if you didn’t enjoy it at all.”

Dominic snickered, and Billy felt some of the tension ease out of him again. After a moment, the younger man sighed and glanced cautiously up at him.

“It’s just that… well, when it’s not like this… when you’re just… making yourself available, this is always the part that feels…”

“You want me to stop?”

“No, I don’t want you to stop! Just…”

Billy kissed him, the kiss gaining force as Dominic’s arms wrapped around him, as his hands slid behind Dominic’s head to run the short blond hair between his fingers. It wasn’t long before Dominic was shifting his weight, pressing back against Billy, hesitation vanishing.

There was no resistance this time, nothing but eagerness as Billy coaxed his legs back and pushed steadily inside, finding Dominic willing and ready, hips jerking up to take him in. For a moment the feeling nearly overwhelmed him; it had been a long time since he’d felt this, and Dominic’s darkened blue eyes staring up at him made him bite his lip and force himself to keep some control.

“Fuck, Dominic, you feel so good…”

Dominic arched up against him, breathing hard. “Billy… please…”

He started to move, and immediately knew he was in trouble; each slow thrust into that welcoming body threatened to undo him. To his relief, though, Dominic wasn’t going to last much longer either; he was gasping, hands clutching at Billy’s arms, hips rising to meet each thrust. Billy braced himself and picked up his pace; after the time he’d spent tormenting Dominic, the younger man was almost immediately right at the edge, Billy’s name escaping him amidst a jumble of other words as Billy closed his hand around him and stroked hard. Dominic jerked up sharply into his hand and shouted wordlessly as he came, shuddering underneath Billy as he let himself go and with a few quick, uneven thrusts he was there too.

He slumped forward, letting his head rest on Dominic’s uninjured shoulder, and felt Dominic’s hand come up and run fingers through his hair, his chest still rising and falling rapidly under Billy’s weight.

“Are you…”

“Just fine,” Dominic said, voice warm and contented and close to Billy’s ear.

“Fuck, Dom… “

“I agree,” he said, chuckling.

Billy shifted to lay beside him, tossing the condom off somewhere into the mess of the bedroom. Dominic yawned and rolled up against him, burying his face in Billy’s shoulder as if determined to stay there.

“You’d think after sleeping for twelve or thirteen hours I wouldn’t be ready for a nap now,” he mumbled against Billy’s skin.

“You’re not the only one,” Billy said, feeling pleasantly exhausted and near to dozing himself. “Go to sleep for a while.”

“Hmm,” Dominic murmured, one hand in Billy’s hair again. “You’ll wake me up and tell me when you want me to leave, right?”

Billy ran his hand over Dominic’s back. “We can talk about that later. Time for a nap now. You’ve got a few missed nights yet to make up for, I’d bet.”

“Probably,” he answered, muffled and lazy.

Billy yawned and let his head sink back into the pillow, draping his arm protectively over Dominic before letting himself drift off.

 

Billy woke sometime in the middle of the afternoon, feeling Dominic stirring against him. He yawned and resisted the temptation to stroke and pet the blond hair on the head that rested against his shoulder, not wanting to wake the younger man if he was still sleeping.

“You awake, Billy?”

“Mmm-hmm. Sort of.”

Under his arm, he felt Dominic’s muscles tighten slightly, the wariness returning. Billy rubbed his shoulder.

“You waiting for me to tell you to leave?”

The reply was cautious. “Yeah.”

“You’re not going anywhere till you’ve had something to eat, at least.”

“Why’s that?”

Billy frowned and traced his fingers along the ribs he could feel clearly through Dominic’s skin. “Because you obviously don’t eat enough.”

“Yeah, well…  I can take care of myself, you know.”

He drew back from Billy, tense.

“I know, I know. I didn’t mean you couldn’t. Just thought maybe you’d like to have some breakfast. Isn’t it polite to offer your company breakfast?”

Dominic glanced at the clock. “It’s after three.”

“Late breakfast.”

Dominic snorted. Billy rolled over and searched the floor for a pair of shorts.

“I’ll go see what I’ve got in the kitchen…”

“I can cook, you know.”

Billy glanced over at him. “Hmm?”

“I said, I can cook. Not too badly, either. Have you got some eggs and bacon?”

“Probably eggs. Probably not much else.”

“Well, there’s only so much even a good cook can do with eggs,” Dominic said.

Billy laughed and reached for his jeans. “How about I run down the street and get some bacon and some fresh eggs?”

“Cheese, too. And some bread, if you don’t have some that isn’t moldy.”

“I usually just scrape the mold off.”

Dominic raised an eyebrow. “That’s disgusting.”

“I’ll get bread too.”

Billy returned, a bag of groceries in each arm, to find Dominic in his faded jeans and one of Billy’s old shirts rummaging through the kitchen cabinets.

“Want me to take one of those bags?”

“I’ve got them… what are you looking for?”

“Pepper.”

“On top of the microwave.”

Billy sat down at the table, watching Dominic dig out a frying pan, scowl at it with disapproval, and then shrug and set it on the stove before laying strips of bacon in it. He found another, smaller frying pan and set it on the other burner before retrieving the eggs and cracking them into a bowl.

“No sunny side up, then?”

“I’m making omelets.”

“Want some help?”

“No. Don’t you have a fucking spatula? What kind of kitchen is this?”

“One that doesn’t get used much.”

Dominic leaned against the counter, beating the eggs with a fork.

“It should get used. I’d use it. All I’ve got at my place is a hot plate.”

“No wonder you don’t eat enough. I had one of those in my room when I was in school and I lost a lot of weight when I got tired of packets of Ramen noodles and cans of beans.”

“Flats downstairs have kitchenettes, but the rent’s too high.”

He poured the eggs into the frying pan, tilting it to spread them evenly.

“Who taught you to cook?” Billy asked, attempting to divert the tightness creeping up Dominic’s back.

“My mother. Great cook. She should’ve had a daughter… would’ve learned better and been a lot less trouble, too.”

“All boys?”

“One boy.”

“Only child, then?”

Dominic nodded, his attention on watching the eggs while he flipped the bacon with a fork. Billy watched him for a few minutes, noticing how he relaxed into the task, hands busy, muscles loose, making small noises to himself as he inspected his work.

“Billy? Did you hear me?”

“Umm…”

“Maybe you should quit staring at my ass and start slicing some cheese like I asked you to.”

 “Who said I was staring at your ass?”

Dominic shrugged. “Only part of me anybody’s usually interested in.”

Billy wanted to blurt out something about being interested in much more than his ass, even if it was a very fine ass indeed, but he kept his mouth shut and occupied himself cutting slices of cheese. Dominic nodded his approval and motioned for Billy to go sit. A few minutes later he was flipping an extremely large omelet out of the pan and dividing it between two plates, setting these on the table before returning to the stove to bring back a plate of bacon.

“That’s a nice-looking omelet,” Billy noted. “I usually end up with scrambled eggs.”

“Apparently nobody ever taught you to cook.”

“If they did, I forgot. I eat most of my meals in the hospital cafeteria. It’s not great food, but it’s there and it’s easy.”

They ate quietly for a few minutes, Billy thinking to himself that if the hospital kitchen could produce omelets like this he’d eat one every morning. Eventually, the bandage on Dominic’s shoulder caught his attention.

“As soon as we’re finished eating, I’ll call down to the hospital… I know either Dr. Mortensen or Dr. Bean is on shift, and they both owe me… saved their asses more than once… I’ll have one of them call in a prescription for some antibiotics…”

Dominic set down his fork. “Don’t need any of those.”

“Why not? If you don’t take them, your shoulder could get infected again, and…”

“I’m not twelve, Billy. Don’t appreciate you treating me like I am.”

“I didn’t mean it like…”

Dominic did not look up from his plate as he spoke, but Billy saw that the coiled wariness had settled back into his body.

“You’ve been very nice to me, and I appreciate it. Please don’t think I don’t. But you’ll get tired of it soon enough, and I’d rather not stick around and wait for that to happen.”

“I’m not going to get tired…”

Dominic pushed back his chair, still refusing to meet Billy’s eyes.

“You’ll get tired of trying to look after me like I’m a child.”

“I never said I was…”

“No, but you will,” he said, moving toward the door. “Just like everybody else. Only so much you can help somebody before you realize that for all your help, they’re still a mess. Thanks, Billy.”

The door shut quietly behind him.

Billy sat at the table, too stunned to do anything but stare at the two nearly-empty plates. Something in the back of his head screamed at him to jump up, run out into the hall, catch Dominic before he got outside to the street. That would only make Dominic angry, though, so Billy sat, mind racing, until the phone rang quite a while later and woke him out of his daze. He glanced at the caller ID and decided not to answer it; Connie from human resources was looking for overtime staff again, and he didn’t feel like going anywhere at the moment.

He had made it as far as the couch with a glass of scotch and was staring blankly at the late evening news when someone knocked at his door. His heart jumped in his chest; not many people knew where he lived, and most of those people would never come around at nearly midnight.

He opened the door, and his mind was so prepared in spite of itself for a lean, blond-haired young man that he could only stand and blink at the tall, broad-shouldered figure standing in the doorway, frowning.

“Billy? You all right?”

“I… Karl?”

“Nope. Karl’s evil twin, Fred. Are you all right? You look… confused.”

Billy stepped back, motioning for Karl to come in, mostly so his neighbors didn’t think to ask about the large man in the hallway in the middle of the night.

“I didn’t realize you knew where I lived.”

Karl grinned. “I know lots of things. If I didn’t know where you lived, I wouldn’t have let you take Dominic with you.”

“What? Why? Did you really think I would have done something…”

Karl laughed. “No, I didn’t think anything like that. You’re the last person I’d worry about hurting one of my boys. Just that Dominic’s been… unpredictable. Been drinking a lot and not eating much the last few weeks, and not sleeping, and… you know. Just keeping an eye on him.”

“Did you see his shoulder?”

“What? No. Why?”

“That’s why I wanted him to come back here yesterday. He’s got a big nasty gash in his shoulder… says he did it breaking a window. I cleaned it up some… still had glass in it… but he should be on antibiotics and…”

“He should’ve told me,” Karl said, frowning and crossing his arms. “I don’t know what’s going on with that boy, but I can’t keep him if he’s going to do this self-destructive thing. Tried helping people like that before… just seems to make them worse.”

Billy shook his head and looked back at the first aid kit still sitting on the table. “Well, being malnourished and exhausted certainly doesn’t do much for your immune system. I tried to…”

“I told you. Can’t help people that don’t want to be helped. I was just stopping by to make sure he didn’t cause any trouble or anything. You all right, Billy?”

“Sure.”

Karl smiled ruefully. “Too damned easy to want to help him, isn’t it?”

“Seems that way.”

Karl nodded and patted him on the shoulder. “All right, then. I’m off. I’ll keep an eye out for him. When did he leave?”

“Late afternoon.”

“Hmm,” Karl said, smiling knowingly. “Anything you want me to tell him when I see him?”

Billy thought for a moment.

“No.”

 

The next few days offered enough overtime to keep Billy busy, but there were too many moments when thoughts of Dominic intruded despite his efforts to keep them away. He dozed in the break room when there were no patients to see to, but woke up imagining blue eyes staring at him intently. He took a shower and tried not to think about Dominic sleek and naked, water dripping into his face from his wet hair.

Orlando finally cornered him after four days, tracking him down in the cafeteria and sitting down at the table before Billy could think of an excuse to tell him to go away. The young, dark-haired intern with the big brown eyes still had the earnest desire to solve everyone’s problems, despite repeated bets being taken by the other staff on how long it would take the harsh experiences of the emergency department to wear him down. This was exactly why Billy had been avoiding him, and he looked around desperately for someone he could excuse himself to go talk to, but it was two in the morning and the cafeteria was almost empty.

“Look… I was just about to head back…”

“You were not. You’ve been sitting here staring at your sandwich for half an hour.”

Billy resigned himself to the encounter and leaned back in his chair. “What do you want, Orli?”

“Just to see if you’re all right.”

“That’s all? I’m fine. There. Happy now?”

Orlando shook his head, smiling patiently. “Billy, Billy. How dumb do you think I am?”

“Pretty dumb.”

Orlando ignored this remark, still smiling. “Who is she?”

Fuck, Billy thought. “There’s no ‘she’.”

“Fine. Who is he?”

Double fuck, he thought, scowling. “There’s no ‘he’ either. What makes you think…”

“Oh, come on. You’ve been on another planet, and we all know you too well. Nothing does this to you. So there must be someone…”

“Even if there was someone, there isn’t any more, and there’s nothing for anybody to do about it, so you might as well bugger off and stop trying to play Sigmund Freud.”

Orlando frowned and looked down. “Shit. They’re paging me back up to emergency. You coming?”

“Better than sitting here talking to you.”

 

“Whatcha got?” Orlando asked, as he and Billy walked into the nurses’ station.

“EMT’s brought him in here a little while ago,” one of the older nurses said, nodding at the chart waiting for Orlando on the counter. “White male, probably in his twenties, possible OD.  Low blood pressure, heart rate through the roof, temp was 104 when he got here…”

“Not an OD,” someone said, and Billy turned to find Dr. Mortensen, tall and thin and perpetually disheveled, glasses and stethoscope and various other items stuffed into his pockets, hair in disarray.

“What’s that?” Orlando asked.

“He’s not an OD. He’s got a big open wound in his shoulder and his white blood cell count is over 14,000. He’s septic. Have you seen one of these lately, Orlando? I paged you so you could…”

Billy had stopped listening, a chill gripping him. He felt someone tap his shoulder.

“Billy?” Dr. Mortensen asked, frowning. “You still with us?”

“Yeah.”

“I was telling our young Orlando here that we put a big central line in for IV fluids and antibiotics. Blood pressure looks to be coming back up with fluids, so at least he’s not in shock. They’re sending someone down from the ICU to take him up there… Billy, are you sure you’re all right?”

Billy forced himself to find some words. “I think I know this guy.”

Dr. Mortensen raised his eyebrows. “I don’t think he’s…”

“Billy!” a voice called.

Billy looked toward the waiting room and saw Karl waving at him anxiously through the windows of the nurses’ station. He walked suddenly away from the conversation and pushed through the swinging double doors, finding Karl waiting for him, hands shoved into his pockets.

“Karl? What’s going on?”

“Been stopping by his place for the last couple of days, but nobody answered the door. Finally tracked down the landlord tonight and got him to let me in.”

“Fuck.”

“Is he all right? He didn’t look good. He wouldn’t come with me so I called the ambulance and they hauled him off.”

“Good thing you did.”

“Is he okay?”

“It sounds like he’s got an infection in his bloodstream.”

Karl’s brows drew together. “People die from that, don’t they?”

“Yeah. Sometimes. Stay here and I’ll come find you when I know something, okay?”

He found Dr. Mortensen and Orlando talking to a pair of nurses over a bed in one of the rooms. Billy recognized the sandy blond hair and the narrow face, but was surprised when the blue eyes flew open and stared at him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I work here, Dom,” Billy said. “You know where you are?”

“Yeah. In this room getting this big fucking thing stuck into my chest.”

“That’s a subclavian central line,” Billy said, glancing at one of the nurses. “Altered mental status?”

“Depends,” Liv said, checking the tape holding the central line secure. “Is being an asshole his normal mental status?”

“Only when somebody wakes me the fuck out of bed in the middle of the night and sticks big fucking needles into me… can I just go home now?”

“Altered mental status,” Dr. Mortensen said. “Probably just because his temperature’s so high. Let’s get that under control before we start worrying about anything neurological going on. You wouldn’t be making much sense if your temperature was 104, Billy.”

Dominic looked at him, eyes wide and anxious. “Billy, what the hell is going on? I don’t want to be here.”

Not caring what Orlando or Dr. Mortensen or anyone else thought about it at the moment, Billy grabbed Dominic’s hand and squeezed it. “I know.  Relax. It’s okay.”

Dr. Mortensen turned to leave, motioning for Orlando and the nurses to follow him.

“Somebody ought to keep an eye on his numbers until they’re stabilized,” Liz said.

“Billy can handle that,” Dr. Mortensen said, nodding toward Billy. “He’s been here longer than you and young Orlando here put together. Besides, I thought I heard something from the nurses’ station about an incoming trauma… motor vehicle accident…”

Dominic watched uneasily until the small group was out of sight, their voices fading down the hall. He looked down and seemed surprised that Billy was still holding his hand. He pulled one of the rolling stools closer to the bed and sat down.

“Billy, what the hell is this? What’s going on?”

“It’s all right, Dom. You’re in pretty rough shape, but you’ll be all right. That line in your chest is for fluids and antibiotics. Don’t mess with it… it’ll stay there until they’re sure they can get enough fluids into you without it. Just calm down and listen to what they tell you.”

“I’m not listening to any of this shit… I want out of here.”

“You can’t leave right now.”

Dominic frowned, looking up at him. “I feel fucking awful. Everything hurts.”

“I know,” Billy said, squeezing his hand again to remind him that he was still holding it. “They’re trying to help.”

“I don’t like this. I don’t like all these people looking at me and touching me and fucking with me. I don’t want their fucking hands on me.”

Billy heard panic rising in Dominic’s voice, felt it in the tight grip on his hand. The numbers on the heart rate monitor were climbing abruptly; his pulse was racing.

“I know. I understand. Look, I’m going to stay here with you, okay? I’ll make sure nobody else touches you unless they absolutely have to. But you have to relax. I promise I’ll stay with you. I won’t let anybody do anything to you unless I tell them it’s okay. But you’ve got to calm down…”

Out of the corner of his eye Billy realized that Dr. Mortensen was standing in the doorway, but he ignored him for the moment. Dominic’s eyes were fixed on him, and he didn’t seem to have noticed that there was anyone else in the room.

“Aren’t you at work, Billy? They won’t want you wasting your time with…”

“I’m not wasting my time. Don’t worry about what I’m supposed to be doing. I’ll stay with you as long as you want me to.”

Dominic let his head sink back into the pillow. “You don’ t have to…”

“I want to.”

“I don’t trust all these fucking people running around here…”

“I know. Do you trust me?”

Dominic glanced up at him and managed an exhausted grin. “Against my own better judgment, yes, I do.”

A man Billy recognized as one of the ICU nurses poked his head into the room. “This your patient to go upstairs? I’ll take him now.”

“You’re not taking me anywhere!” Dominic protested, starlted out of his moment of quiet, hand tightening on Billy’s.

Dr. Mortensen glanced at Billy before turning back to the ICU nurse. “Eric, have you met Billy? He’s worked down here for a long time.”

“Uh, yeah, I think so.”

“Well, our patient here is a little combative, but he seems to be a little more relaxed with Billy here, so I’m going to have him go up to the ICU with you and stay with him for a little while.”

“Look, I’m sure we can deal with…”

Dr. Mortensen gave him a sharp look. “You heard me. If you have a problem with it, you can take it up with Dr. Bean when he gets here in the morning. Do you have a problem with it?”

“No,” the nurse said. “But you’re going to be the one explaining to Dr. Bean what one of your staff is doing hanging around the ICU.”

“Following my instructions. I’ll explain to Dr. Bean. Just get a move on, please.”

 

Voices outside the curtained-off room woke Billy from an uneasy sleep; he’d been resting with his head propped against the back of an uncomfortable hospital chair, another one propped under his feet, and his muscles were loudly protesting this treatment. Outside the curtain, he could see Dr. Mortensen and Dr. Bean talking to each other in the hall. One of them apparently noticed him watching them, and they pushed the curtain aside and stepped in.

“That doesn’t look comfortable,” Dr. Bean noted.

Billy sat up, wincing, and immediately looked toward Dominic; the younger man was still asleep, but his color was already slightly better and a glance at the monitors reassured him that the numbers were back into an acceptable range.

“It’s not comfortable,” he muttered. “What’s going on?”

“Your friend here looks to be doing fairly well. Got the right antibiotics on board, according to the lab results, and blood pressure’s steady. If everything stays looking good, we can probably move him down to a regular room later. We’ve got some nasty drug-resistant strains in patients up here, and with a central line in he’s at risk of…”

“Fuck… who are these guys?”

Billy turned to find Dominic looking up warily at the two doctors, still fighting sleep and confusion.

“Friends of mine. Don’t worry.”

Dominic watched them silently, tense, until Billy grabbed his hand again.

“Relax. You think I’m going to let them do something bad to you?”

“You let them stick this big fucking tube in my chest and lock me up in here…”

Billy was about to respond when he noticed the hint of a grin on Dominic’s face. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the two doctors slip back into the hall to continue their conversation.

“You deserved it. You’re a lousy house guest, leaving without even saying goodbye.”

“Sorry,” Dominic said. “If it makes you feel any better, I feel like shit.”

“Yeah, well, if Karl hadn’t decided to have you hauled in here, you’d be looking at multi-system organ failure and death.”

“Shit. When are they going to let me out of here?”

“At least a few more days. You’re not in great shape… hey, Karl! Is it visiting hours already?”

Karl stepped in grinning. “Hello, Billy. Dom… you look better than you did yesterday.”

“I think I might possibly feel worse.”

“No,” Billy said. “You’re just conscious enough to notice it now.”

“How long are they going to be keeping him here?” Karl asked.

“They won’t even consider letting him go for a couple of days. Not till they’re sure he doesn’t need the IV antibiotics and all his numbers are stable.”

Dominic frowned. “Look, if I’m in here for days, I’m not going to be able to pay my rent, and the landlord will…”

“Dom,” Karl said. “I’ll go pay your back rent, but the landlord wants you out of there.”

“Shit.”

Karl reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of bills.

“What’s that?” Dominic asked.

“Severance pay,” Karl said. “You don’t work for me anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Because I said so. I’m going to hand this severance pay here over to Billy…”

“What for?” Billy asked.

“Well, it ought to cover at least a month’s room and board at your place. By then he ought to be in better shape, especially if you make him eat occasionally, and he should be able to get a job and pay his share or get his own place, depending on how things go.”

Dominic studied the money in Billy’s hand, refusing to look at him even though Billy’s other hand was still gripping his. “Did you ask Billy about this?”

“I just did.”

Billy tucked the money into his pocket. “Even when they let you out of here, you’re going to be feeling rough for a little while.”

Dominic frowned. “I thought I told you I didn’t want to be taken care of.”

“I didn’t listen.”

“Yeah. I noticed.”

“Give it a try, at least,” Karl said.

“I’m sure I could get you a job downstairs in the cafeteria,” Billy said. “Nobody down there can make a fucking decent omelet. They pay a decent rate. If you get started there and you want to find your own place, you can. But it’s going to take you a little while to get over this, especially considering you weren’t in great shape before. You need to rest, and not stress yourself out, and eat decent food…”

“Well, then, I’d better not stay with you. I’ve seen how you keep your kitchen.”

Billy smiled. “I’ll let you do the cooking.”

“Let me clean up that fucking mess of a flat, too?”

“When you’re feeling up to it, yes.”

Dominic twisted his fingers around Billy’s. “You sure about this?”

“I wanted you to stay since ten minutes after you walked in the door.”

Karl laughed and backed toward the hall. “All right, I’m getting out of here. Best of luck to you, Dominic. Try not to be too much of an asshole.”

 

Billy woke, warm and sleepy, to Dominic’s insistent hand grabbing his ass.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he yawned.

Dominic laughed and pressed himself against Billy’s back, reaching around to run his hand down Billy’s chest. “Just waking you up.”

“You’re going to be late for your first day at work.”

“I’ve got lots of time.”

He shifted his hips, pressing his cock against Billy’s ass, and Billy felt himself harden immediately in response. Dominic chuckled into his ear and slid his hand down to stroke and coax him.

“It’s early yet. Besides, isn’t this a nice way to start the day?”

“Mmph. You’re cheating. I’m still half-asleep.”

“That’s all right,” Dominic said, and Billy wondered how he had managed to reach the lube and slick his fingers without him even noticing what he was up to. “It’s my turn anyway.”

Billy laughed. “Fine. As long as I don’t have to do anything.”

Dominic ignored him, his fingers stroking gently, then slipping inward, testing.

“Mmmm. I should do this while you’re half asleep more often.”

“Why’s that?”

“Only time you’re ever properly relaxed.”

Billy’s response was cut off as Dominic steadied him with a hand on his hip and pushed into him, steadily but without hesitation. He thought about commenting on the rather abrupt and unceremonious treatment, but by then Dominic’s arms were wrapping around him, his lips against the back of Billy’s neck, and he forgot all about any protests he might have intended to make. He was wide awake now, but his world consisted of nothing but the warm bed and the grip of Dominic’s hands on his chest and the steady, even thrusts of his hips.

“Hell of a way to wake up,” he managed, after a few minutes.

Dominic chuckled against his shoulder, and Billy felt his breath coming faster against his skin. “I hope you’re not complaining.”

“Like you’d care if I was, dirty bastard.”

Dominic did not respond; he was thrusting harder now, rocking Billy back and forth against him, breathing hard and fast. Billy closed his eyes, feeling Dominic shift his angle as his hand reached down and closed around Billy’s cock.

“Billy… please…”

Billy closed his hand over Dominic’s, tightening his grip, and Dominic gasped, his thrusts hard and uneven, almost desperate. Then his face was buried in Billy’s shoulder, repeating his name with each shudder than ran through him, as Billy’s hips jerked and warmth pulsed over their joined hands.

They lay still for a few minutes, pulses returning to normal, Dominic’s arms still wrapped around Billy’s chest as he kissed his neck and shoulders lazily.

“I hope you’re planning on getting a shower before you leave for work,” Billy murmured.

“Why’s that?”

“Because otherwise you’ll smell like sex all day.”

“Maybe I want to. I’ll just tell people it’s my new cologne. Eau de Billy.”

“You’d better not. I have to work with those fucking people.”

“Oh, you mean those people who still think you’re a tight-ass with nothing to do but work? It’d be good for your reputation if they knew you were getting properly fucked on a regular basis.”

Billy groaned and rolled away. “Hell. Orlando would never shut the fuck up about that.”

“He’s just jealous,” Dominic said, making a grab for Billy’s ass.

“True enough. Now, get your ass out of bed and go get a shower. Dave will be pissed if you’re late on your first day.”

“I’ll just blame it on you. I’ll tell him you had me gagged and handcuffed to the bed.”

“He wouldn’t believe you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I already told him that only happens on weekends.”

“Asshole,” Dominic laughed, rolling out of bed. “You probably did tell him that, too. You planning on joining me in the shower?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Don’t think too hard. It’ll hurt your brain.”

“Fuck you, Dominic,” he said, laughing.

Dominic tossed a pillow at him. “Fuck you, too. Are you getting up or not?”

 


	2. Fragile

It had happened enough times now that Billy was no longer alarmed by it, but that didn’t mean his heart didn’t hurt every time Dominic jerked himself awake with a gasping cry, his forehead wet with cold sweat and his cheeks wet with tears. There was no comforting him, and Billy wasn’t sure he was fully awake, but he would stay that way, terrified and incoherent, until Billy either managed to wake him completely or, more often, persuaded him to swallow one of the xanax pills Dr. Bean had prescribed. Dominic had insisted he didn’t need them, so Dr. Bean had ignored him and written the prescription in Billy’s name instead.

Dominic claimed to have no memory of what the nightmares were about, but he wasn’t a very good liar and Billy could tell they haunted him for days afterwards. Sometimes he went weeks without them, but sometimes he would have them several nights in a row, leaving him so raw and exhausted that Billy would call them both in sick for work and let Dominic sleep on the couch where he could watch him all day and wake him if he seemed to be slipping into another nightmare.

Now he sat in the armchair, the volume on the TV turned low, an almost untouched beer in one hand, the other hand within arm’s reach of the younger man stretched out on the couch. As soon as Dominic stirred, he set down the beer and turned to him, but Dominic just opened one eye and looked up at him.

“Hey, Billy.”

“Hey to you. How are you?”

Dominic stretched gingerly. “Back hurts. This couch is shit for sleeping on. You called me in sick, didn’t you.”

“Both of us, yeah. You needed to sleep.”

Dominic frowned and sat up, avoiding Billy’s eyes. “Probably did. Hell. Been a rough few days. Any more of those beers?”

“Not for you, till the xanax wears off.”

“Fuck,” Dominic said, leaning back.

“Want a sandwich?”

“No thanks. Not hungry.”

Billy shifted from the armchair to the couch, and Dominic slid over to make room for him.

“When did you eat last, Dom?”

“Yesterday some time. I’ll eat in a little while. Need a shower first, though.”

He moved to stand up, but Billy pulled him back down. For a moment Dominic tensed as if to jerk away, but Billy wrapped an arm around his waist and pressed his face into the sleep-tousled blond hair. Dominic sighed and leaned into him, head resting on Billy’s shoulder.

“Dom?” he asked, lips against Dominic’s ear.

“Yeah?”

“You ever going to tell me?”

Dominic turned to wood in his arms, and his voice was cautious when he replied. “Tell you what?”

“You fucking know what. About the nightmares.”

“Just bad dreams, Bill. Told you that.”

“They’re not just bad dreams, Dominic. They fucking wreck you for days. It’s not good for you. Every time you start to get yourself eating occasionally and looking better and feeling better…”

Dominic pulled away from him and stood up. “Nothing to talk about. I’ve got fucking nightmares and there’s nothing to do about, so let it go.”

Billy watched him stalk into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. After a few minutes he stood up and followed him.

“What do you want?” Dominic demanded from behind the shower curtain.

“Been a long day. Thought I could use a shower before dinner.”

Silence for a moment, except the running water.

“You can get in with me, but only if you’ll run down the street and pick up Thai afterwards.”

“Fine. Deal.”

He stripped off his jeans and shirt and stepped into the shower.

“Fucking shit, Dom! This water’s freezing!”

Dominic glanced at him, drops of water clinging to his hair where it fell over his forehead, blue eyes meeting Billy’s.

“Sorry. Trying to wake up.”

He adjusted the temperature, and Billy stepped gingerly under the water again.

“Better, at least.”

Dominic managed a chuckle. “Not my fault you like to boil yourself like a lobster.”

“Lobsters are tasty.”

“With enough butter, I suppose.”

“We have butter,” Billy volunteered, sidling closer and leaning in to kiss him. He kept his hands to himself for the moment; when Dominic was this exhausted and shaky, he had a tendency to almost unconsciously avoid being touched, and especially being held or restrained. The more clothes came off, the more jumpy he got; he’d allowed Billy to pull him down on the couch fully clothed, but if Billy tried to pull him closer now he was likely to jerk away and make an excuse to get out of the shower.

He seemed to be tolerating the kiss, though, and after a minute leaned into it and raised a hand to stroke Billy’s chest with his fingers. Billy exhaled sharply.

“Fuck, Domn…”

His cock twitched. Dominic glanced down and smiled. “A bit excitable, Bill?”

“Been waiting for you to feel better,” he said, carefully raising a hand to touch Dominic’s rough cheek. He saw the subtle shift of muscles as Dominic resisted his instinct to pull away and forced himself to stay where he was. After a long moment, the tension started to slip away.

“Make me feel better,” he said, his voice quiet, and handed Billy a bar of soap and a wash cloth.

“All right,” Billy said. “Only if you’re going to try to relax and enjoy it.”

Dominic closed his eyes and opened his hands. “I’ll try.”

It wasn’t an open invitation, not yet, but Billy took it as a good sign. He took the cloth and gently turned Dominic around so he could soap up his back before kneading his fingers into the knots of his shoulders and neck. Dominic muttered something under his breath and started to soften under Billy’s touch. After a few minutes, Billy let one hand slide cautiously down to Dominic’s him. Dominic sighed and let Billy slowly draw him closer, until they were skin to skin, Billy’s chest against his back, Billy’s hardening cock pressed against his ass.

“I’m all right, Bill,” Dominic said quietly.

Billy released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Fuck, Dom. You have no idea how much I want you…”

“I think I do,” Dominic said, a hint of the familiar smirk in his voice.

“You don’t have to…”

“Why don’t we rinse this soap off and step into the bedroom?”

Billy rushed to rinse himself off and grab for towels, wrapping one around his waist.

“Give,” Dominic said.

“Nope,” Billy said, and set about briskly rubbing him dry, starting with the spiky, darkened hair, the bare shoulders and chest, then turning him around to try his back, his ass, the backs of his legs. Dominic allowed it, laughing, before grabbing Billy and pulling him around to kiss him.

“You wasting time on purpose?” he asked.

Billy met Dominic’s blue-eyed gaze, amused now, but still wearing a ragged edge of exhaustion, and decided to risk it.

“No, Dom. I’m being careful so you don’t tweak out on me and run off and leave me to wank.”

Dominic blinked, expression blank.

“I…”

“Sorry,” Billy said, looking away.

“No, I just… fuck. Is it really like that?”

Billy nodded slowly. “When you’re like this it is. I’m not even sure you know what you’re doing sometimes. It’s like you’re half-dreaming all the time and I can’t get you to wake up and be here with me.”

“Shit,” Dominic muttered. “I’m sorry, Bill. I really am.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just come into the bedroom and try to relax and stay with me and not go wherever you’ve been going.”

Dominic gave him an uncertain smile. “I can do that.”

Billy took him by the hands and led him into the darkened bedroom. Dominic allowed himself to be drawn down with Billy into familiar sheets that smelled of both of them. When Billy kissed him he relaxed slowly and slid an arm over Billy’s waist, pulling him closer. Billy pressed his lips to the pulse in Dominic’s throat and slid his hands up the younger man’s back. Dominic tensed suddenly.

“You okay?” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Dominic said, his voice unsteady. “Yeah. Talk to me... please?”

Billy’s throat tightened and a disturbing realization crept up his spine. Fuck, he thought, shivering. Who’s he imagining I am if I’m not talking to him?

“I’ll talk to you. Want to hear a joke?”

Dominic’s laugh was shaky. “Fuck, no. You tell fucking terrible jokes.”

Billy stroked the still-damp hair. “I love you, you know.”

Dominic’s muscles uncoiled. “I know, Billy. You know I love you too.”

Billy pulled him close again, heard himself mumbling things to Dominic, reassurances, endearments, as their bodies intertwined, still warm from the shower and from the sweat starting to slide between them. When Billy reached between them and wrapped a hand around both of their cocks, Dominic gasped and Billy felt him shiver, but he didn’t pull away.

“Fuck, Dom. Want you so bad it’s killing me.”

Dominic was breathing hard, pressed against him. “Yeah.”

“Tell me what you want. What will be okay. You can do the honors, if you…”

Dominic shook his head. “I want you to…”

Billy nodded. “Okay. You sure you’re all right?”

Dominic nodded and shifted, sliding onto his back and tugging Billy to come with him. When they settled again, Billy’s arm was draped over Dominic’s chest, Dominic’s fingers clutching handfuls of Billy’s hair. Sliding his other arm underneath Dominic, Billy found the arch of his back and pulled him gently up into a kiss. Dominic sighed and relaxed against Billy’s hands, returning the kiss with increasing heat, his cock jerking as Billy’s fingers made their way down his chest to his stomach and downward.

“Doing great, love,” he whispered.

Dominic nodded, eyes closed. Billy smiled and kissed his cheek, warmed by the feeling of the younger man slowly and gently unraveling, coming back to himself, almost as if he were coming back to life in Billy’s hands. Bringing him out of the twilight zone that his nightmares put him in always reminded Billy of their first time together, the fragile balance of Dominic’s desire and need fighting against his wariness and fear. That scale had tipped back and forth in the early days, but now it only seemed to happen when the nightmares were plaguing him. But then, when he had met Dominic, the younger man had been hurt, ill, and fresh out of who knew what kind of traumatic treatment at the hands of whatever guy had…

Billy froze. He didn’t know, after all. Dominic had never been willing to talk about what he’d been doing before he met Billy, and Billy hadn’t really wanted to know. All Karl had been willing to tell him was that he’d kept an eye on Dominic and only let his most trusted clients take him home. What Karl didn’t say anything about, though, was what kind of clients Dominic might have been taking on his own. Karl had been known to do serious harm to people who roughed up his “staff”, but as stubborn as Dominic was, what were the chances that he hadn’t tolerated Karl’s protectiveness and had gone out on his own?

“Billy?” Dominic asked, frowning.

Billy forced himself to smile. “Yeah. Just thinking, Dom. It’s all right.”

He kissed him again, letting Dominic’s increasingly eager mouth distract him. He could talk to Karl tomorrow, but he wasn’t going to ruin the chance to bring Dominic back to him tonight. As unsteady as he was at this moment, Billy knew he’d sense any change in the mood between them, so he forced himself to put it all aside. If he’d asked Dominic to be there with him, the least he could do is return the favor. And it was really quite impossible to think about anything else with Dominic’s warm skin against his, hands running through his hair, hips bucking up against Billy as he swung his leg over Dominic’s hips and settled on top of him. Dominic grinned up at him, those brilliant blue eyes fixed on his face.

“Too much thinking isn’t good for you. You’re getting too old to be burning up brain cells like that.”

Billy raised an eyebrow. “Am I too old to fuck you through this mattress?”

Dominic shrugged. “I don’t know, but I wouldn’t mind letting you try.”

Billy had to force himself to settle down and think clearly as he retrieved the lube from the bedside stand and sat back for a moment, taking the time to enjoy Dominic stretched out in front of him, hands behind his head, still too thin for Billy’s liking, but looking more like himself than he had in a week.

“Get on with it,” he said impatiently.

Billy laughed and made sure Dominic was watching as he slicked his fingers. “Patience.”

“Fuck that.”

“I will, in a minute.”

He shifted between Dominic’s knees, and the younger man tipped his head back and propped one foot on Billy’s thigh, offering better access to Billy’s probing fingers. Billy had intended to work him gently for a bit, but with Dominic’s squirming and complaining, he changed his mind and pressed two fingers in, without hesitation, until they were securely buried. Dominic gasped and his hips jerked.

“Fuck, Billy! Warn a guy!”

“Hey, Dom?”

“What?” he demanded breathlessly.

“I’m about to shove a couple of fingers in there, so…”

Dominic glared at him. “Cocksucker.”

“Not if you don’t get rid of the attitude,” Billy said, but he couldn’t hide his smile.

“Maybe I _should_ leave you to wank, if you’re…”

Billy shifted his fingers and this shut Dominic up nicely, changing whatever smart remark he’d been preparing into a low, breathless moan.

“That’s better,” he murmured, repeating the motion as Dominic squirmed, seeking more.

“Bill, you’re killing me. Please… oh!”

Billy grinned as Dominic’s eyes widened at the stretch of a third finger. “Please what?”

“Please stop being a fucking evil bastard and…”

He lost the breath to speak as Billy pulled his fingers back rather abruptly.

“All right, then. If you insist.”

He took a firm hold of Dominic’s hips, but he didn’t need to steer them; Dominic was already wrapping his legs around Billy’s waist, hands clutching at his arms. He steadied himself and pushed in, just as Dominic was shifting to meet him, and the end result was a gasping exclamation from both of them as their hips came together sharply, Billy’s cock buried in one sudden motion. Dominic’s fingers tightened almost painfully around his arms.

“Shit, Dom! You didn’t…”

“It’s OK,” Dominic breathed, and his hands relaxed. When his eyes opened and fixed on Billy’s again, they were bright and unafraid. “I was the one telling you to get to it.”

Billy laughed and reached down to rub his hands over Dominic’s sides, feeling him breathing fast, but steady. “You all right?”

“Fucking brilliant, mate.”

It had been entirely too long, Billy thought, as he regained his grip on Dominic’s hips and pulling them up to meet his steady thrusts. Dominic’s legs were wrapped around him tightly, one heel digging into the small of Billy’s back, the other hitched higher. Billy closed his eyes for a moment, lost himself in the warmth and friction and need.

It suddenly occurred to him that he should check on Dominic, and he forced his eyes open to find the blue eyes fixed intently on his face.

“You all right, Dom?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Better than all right. Please… I need more…”

“Tell me what you need.”

“More… you. More of you, touching me…”

Billy understood and shifted them both till Dominic’s back was on the mattress again with his legs clasped to Billy’s sides as Billy stretched out over him, bringing their bodies into contact all along the length of them. Dominic grasped, but Billy took his hands and held them as he pressed them back until their entangled fingers rested on the bed on either side of Dominic’s head. Feeling Dominic twist and arch up into him, he started moving again, slower now, but with Dominic’s cock trapped between them the younger man couldn’t hold back a wordless exclamation of something between pleasure and desperation.

“Fuck, Billy. Please. Yes.”

Billy picked up the pace, making sure to slide himself over Dominic’s hard length caught between them, until Dominic shouted and jerked hard against him and Billy felt the heat pulsing between them as he came. Billy managed to hold out through that, but what undid him, as it always did, was the way Dominic slumped beneath him, muscles for once entirely relaxed, blue eyes dazed and blank, thoughts wiped clean by the shivering after-effects of his climax, for just a moment all tension and guardedness washed away. In that moment he looked young and sweet and surprised, and Billy knew that in that short moment, Dominic could think of nothing but him, still moving inside him; that even temporarily he had erased every other touch, every other man, every other voice from Dominic’s mind, all but his own. That thought took him irresistibly over the edge, hands still clutching at Dominic’s, face buried against his shoulder as he lost the power of thought altogether.

When he could move again, Billy shifted to rest his forehead against Dominic’s, and they rested there for a while, fingers still tangled together.

“Dom,” Billy murmured.

“Hmmmm?”

“I need to know. About the nightmares. I need to understand…”

He waited for Dominic to tense, pull away, or glare at him, but instead his blue eyes closed and he sighed.

“I know, Bills.”

“I just… what?”

“I know you do. And I’ll tell you. Not right now, but… soon. I will.”

Billy smiled and kissed him. “You know you’re not going to tell me anything that’s going to change my mind about you, right?”

“Not so sure about that.”

“I am.”

He glanced away. “You know I used to…”

“Umm… you do recall that the only way I got you back here the first night was to pay you, right?”

Dominic chuckled. “That’s true.”

They studied each other for a moment.

“I promise, Billy, I’ll tell you…”

The phone jangled loudly. Both of them jumped.

“Who the fuck is that?” Dominic complained.

Billy glanced at the clock. “Shit. Probably Orlando. He wants us to take him out and introduce him to Karl, remember?”

Dominic laughed. “Right. The soon-to-be-doctor and the pimp.”

“You feeling up for it?”

“To see Orlando fucking pass out when Karl starts hitting on him? Hell, yes, I’m up for that.”

Billy wrinkled his nose. “I think we need another shower.”

Dominic grinned and kissed him as he slid out of bed. “Nah. I like smelling like you. Get up… we’ve got introductions to make.”


	3. Breaking

Billy wouldn’t have thought that is was possible for anyone to fall for another person faster or harder than he’d fallen for Dominic, but Orlando seemed to be looking to break the record. The dark-eyed young medical resident hadn’t taken his eyes off Karl since the two of them were introduced hours ago, and it hadn’t taken long for Karl to have one broad hand on Orlando’s thigh under the table, making the younger man’s eyes even wider. Miranda had been giggling at them from behind the bar for quite a while, but Orlando hadn’t noticed and Karl didn’t care.

 

“You ready to go home?” Billy asked, glancing at Dominic, who was smiling for the first time in days despite the dark shadows under his eyes.

 

“Yeah. Just about falling asleep here.”

 

“We could’ve left sooner…”

 

Dominic smirked. “Wanted to make sure the new couple there was managing all right.”

 

Billy checked his wallet. “Why don’t you go out and see if you can get us a cab? I don’t feel like walking home.”

 

Billy didn’t mind the walk back to their apartment, but he didn’t really want Dominic wasting energy he didn’t have. As Dominic headed for the door, Billy walked to the bar and handed Miranda what he had in the way of cash.

 

“Does that cover me and the lovebirds?”

 

“Sure. Is Dom OK?”

 

Billy glanced over his shoulder before answering. “I don’t know, Mir. Do you know anything about him… before?”

 

She shook her head. “Sorry. I wish I did.”

 

She shook her head, the light over the bar reflecting off her blond curls.

 

“I’m glad he found you,” she said. “Before he met you Karl and I were kind of expecting him to turn up dead at some point. He’s too young to self-destruct like he was.”

 

Billy nodded and walked to the door, wondering to himself if he’d really stopped Dominic’s self-destruction or just slowed its pace. He pushed the door open and stopped abruptly.

 

Dominic was standing on the sidewalk in front of the bar, and it only took one glance at his rigid posture and clenched fists to send a shudder through Billy’s muscles. The man standing in front of Dominic was a good six inches taller and probably at least a hundred pounds heavier, a broad-shouldered stranger with balding blond hair and a bright metal badge pinned to his blue uniform. Billy quickly took stock of the radio, the night stick, the holstered pistol on the man’s belt and the casual malice on his face as he stepped forward.

 

“Dominic,” he said evenly.

 

Dominic, frozen, did not respond. The other man grinned at Billy.

 

“You know my little friend here?”

 

“What do you want?” Billy asked, using the same neutral tone he used with hostile drunks in the emergency department.

 

“Haven’t seen him for months. Just asking him if he was free tonight,” the man said, nodding at Dominic.

 

“What for?” Billy asked, with calm that he didn’t feel.

 

“Hehe,” the man leered. “I’m guessing you know what. He’s a great piece of ass, isn’t he?”

 

He leaned closer, speaking in Dominic’s blank face.

 

“I liked you, and so did my friends. You want another round?”

 

“Get away from him,” Billy ordered.

 

The man straightened up, chuckling. “All right, then. Seems you’re already on hire for tonight, so I’ll leave you alone for now.”

 

“For good,” Billy said.

 

“What?”

 

“You heard me.”

 

The man laughed. “He’s your piece of ass now, is he? Good… you can have him. He’s not the only pretty slut in town.”

 

He turned and walked away, chuckling. Billy waited to see if Dominic would move, but he seemed paralyzed.

 

“Dominic,” he murmured. “Dom, are you listening?”

 

A trace of a nod.

 

“It’s OK, Dom. He’s gone. It’s just us. Breathe, OK?”

 

Another small nod, and a deep, unsteady breath. Billy gently laid a hand on his arm, feeling the muscles tighten, but Dominic didn’t pull away.

 

“Just stick with me,” Billy said, waving to one of the cabs rolling by on the street. “We’re going home.”

 

Dominic numbly allowed himself to be eased into the cab, and then to be led gently into the building and up to the apartment. His face remained unresponsive, blue eyes darkened and staring straight ahead without emotion. Billy sat him down on the couch and pulled off his shoes before pressing him carefully back against the pillows.

 

“Lie down, Dominic. Please.”

 

Dominic obeyed without a sound, laying back and closing his eyes, his muscles still rigidly tense. Billy sat down on the coffee table and waited for a few minutes before speaking.

 

“Talk to me, please.”

 

“What do you want me to say?” Dominic asked quietly.

 

Billy exhaled. “Just talking is a start.”

 

He took Dominic’s hand between both of his own; it was startlingly cold. Adrenaline response, Billy thought: all the blood flowing to key muscles to prepare the body for fight or flight. After a moment, Dominic’s fingers intertwined with Billy’s.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Sorry for what, Dom?”

 

“For being all fucked up.”

 

“You’re not fucked up,” Billy said, rubbing his hand.

 

Dominic opened one eye. “No? What am I?”

 

Billy wasn’t at all sure this was the right time to do this, but he wasn’t sure there would ever really be a right time.

 

“You’re fucking traumatized, Dom. You’re hurt. Somebody did something to you, something really fucked up, and it’s still eating at you, and it’s giving you nightmares, and you’re living it every fucking day, and I can’t even understand it because you won’t tell me what happened to you.”

 

Dominic’s hand tightened around his; his eyes closed again, but could not contain the tears that escaped.

 

“Dom, why won’t you tell me?”

 

“Because I don’t want you to know.”

 

“Why not? What do you think I’m going to do?”

 

“Look at me the way they looked at me,” he said, making no attempt to brush away the tears. “If you looked at me like that I think it would fucking kill me.”

 

“Look,” Billy said. “I know about… I mean, I paid you to come back here the first time I met you. I know…”

 

“You don’t know all of it.”

 

“I want to know all of it.”

 

“Why?”

 

Billy sighed. “Because I love you. And because I can’t live like this forever. I can’t live with just what’s left of you after these nightmares are done with you.”

 

Dominic nodded slowly, his breath hitching.

 

“Dom,” Billy asked, in the calmest voice he could manage, “who was that guy?”

 

“Former… client.”

 

“No. Not through Karl, anyway. He’d never have let that bastard touch one of his staff. You were out on your own, weren’t you? And he hired you. Did you go home with him?”

 

Dominic nodded.

 

“Tell me what happened.”

 

Dominic sat up suddenly, something panicked in his eyes, but Billy caught him and pulled him against his chest. Dominic slumped against him, face buried in Billy’s shoulder as Billy stroked his hair soothingly.

 

“Please. What happened?”

 

“He gave me a beer,” Dominic whispered. “There was something in it. I don’t remember finishing it. I woke up face down on a kitchen table with my legs hanging over the edge. Both my hands handcuffed to two of the table legs. I couldn’t get my legs under me… they hurt too much and they weren’t working right. Everything hurt. It hurt… it felt like somebody had been fucking me with knives and hot pokers…”

 

His voice trailed off. Billy had to fight to find his.

 

“I’m still listening, Dom. What happened?”

 

“I couldn’t move. The way my arms were cuffed I couldn’t get my face off the table, hardly. And sick as hell… I guess from whatever he gave me… I think I would have been throwing up, but I hadn’t eaten anything for a while, and my head felt like someone was trying to drill into my skull, and there was something tied over my mouth. I was scared shitless. I couldn’t remember anything. Not a fucking thing. Not how I got there or where I was or anything. I was there for a long time… I think he was at work. Then I heard him come home… but he wasn’t alone.”

 

Billy stroked the back of his neck, trying to keep himself from shaking and to keep his breathing even, not wanting to scare Dominic into silence.

 

“Shit… Dominic… keep talking. Please.”

 

“He had… I don’t know. Three or four of his buddies with him. I couldn’t tell; I couldn’t see them. I never saw them, except him. He told them he got them all a little present and that he’d paid for my ass and they could do whatever they wanted to it.”

 

“Bastards,” Billy whispered. “Tell me what they did.”

 

Dominic clenched his jaw. “What do you fucking think they did, Billy? They fucked me. Took turns fucking me. Went and watched football and came back and fucked me again. I don’t know how long. I was dizzy and sick and I think I passed out on and off. They went home, eventually, and he left me like that and went to bed. Left me handcuffed there, all night. Got up in the morning and fucked me again. And I think that was the worst. I was so fucking beat up already, and it hurt so bad I thought it was going to kill me. Then he said he’d got his money’s worth. When he took the cuffs off, I couldn’t stand up… I just fell on the floor and laid there. I didn’t even realize till than that my legs were pretty much covered with blood… I think I passed out when I saw that. Next thing I know I’m laying on a bench in the park, with a towel shoved into my pants to keep me from bleeding through my clothes. I was kind of… not all there at that point, and I went to the street and got a cab and went home. I think it was three days before I could take more than a few steps from the couch. It took two days for the bleeding to stop.”

 

Billy had no words; it was taking everything he had to keep his hands on Dominic steady and soft when they wanted to clench into fists and wrap around someone’s throat.

 

“It didn’t seem to matter, after that,” Dominic murmured. “Who hired me, I mean. I just made sure I got fucked up beforehand, and it didn’t matter what they wanted to do. There wasn’t really any way left to hurt me. Karl found me, and after that it was really all pretty decent guys, but it didn’t matter. When they did what they wanted to do, I just went away, and came back later, with money in my pocket and a bad fucking hangover.”

 

“Dominic,” Billy whispered.

 

“So now I wake up in the middle of the night and I’m right fucking there, Billy. Handcuffed to that fucking table, and I can feel the wood under my face, and one of those bastards is fucking me while his buddies are laughing, and I can feel the blood on the backs of my legs, and I can even smell it. And I can’t wake up… I know I’m dreaming but I can’t wake up. And it hurts… it hurts so fucking much, and it feels like I’m going to die before I get out of this fucking nightmare…”

 

His voice broke and he slumped helplessly against Billy, shaking. Billy squeezed him and pressed his face into the sandy blond hair under his cheek. He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but eventually he felt the exhaustion and surrender in Dominic’s body; emptied of everything, he seemed to collapse into himself. Billy pulled him to his feet and steered him toward the bedroom, pulled off his shirt and jeans, and laid him down in bed. Only when his shaky breathing evened out in slumber did Billy go out to the kitchen, pour himself a very large glass of scotch, and sit down at the table with his head in his hands.

 

He’d never imagined it had been that bad. He’d known someone had treated Dominic badly, but he’d had no idea someone had hurt him like that. He could easily have died; whatever he’d been drugged with was obviously something toxic to make him that ill, and if it didn’t kill him, the gag could have choked him if he’d vomited. And he could easily have bled to death on the park bench where he left him, and no one would have bothered to find out what had happened to him or why. It took a good amount of scotch to chase away the thought of Dominic, alone and scared out of his mind, sick and hurt and waiting through the night for his captor to wake up and torture him again, not sure how any of it would end.

 

Dominic, exhausted, slept through the night, but Billy didn’t; he woke in a cold sweat from a dream of Dominic curled up in agony on a small couch in a dirty, dim apartment, and of breaking down the door and reaching him only to find him cold and stiff, pain and fear still written across his lifeless features.

 

When Dominic emerged from the bedroom in the morning, he found Billy laying on the couch, staring at the ceiling.

 

“Billy?” he asked warily. “What are you doing up?”

 

“Couldn’t sleep, that’s all.”

 

“Oh,” Dominic murmured, but in that small word was so much hurt that Billy was on his feet in an instant and pulling Dominic into his arms.

 

“Dom, I couldn’t sleep. That’s it. Nothing else. What did you think it was?”

 

Dominic rubbed his face. “Nothing.”

 

“No. What?”

 

“Thought… maybe you couldn’t stand to sleep in the same bed with me. After…”

 

“Dominic, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

 

“I don’t know. I don’t know why you’d even want to touch me.”

 

Billy didn’t intend for the kiss to be quite so forceful, but once he had Dominic’s lips against his it was impossible to let go, and Dominic returned the kiss with a demanding, desperate hunger that almost took Billy’s breath away. Dominic’s hands came up, tangling in his hair and pulling him even deeper, their bodies sealed together from lips to chests to hips and thighs as if Dominic intended to melt into Billy’s skin. Billy realized with some alarm that his cock was responding eagerly to the contact and that Dominic had to be able to feel it through their boxers, but as he tried to pull away, Dominic made a soft, frantic sounds and pressed himself against Billy’s hip, letting him feel his own arousal.

 

“Billy…” Dominic murmured, lips against the corner of his mouth, brushing the stubble there.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Please…”

 

He realized he was being pushed toward the couch, and allowed himself to collapse onto it. Dominic was on top of him in a heartbeat, his body covering Billy’s, his hands stroking Billy’s hair as he shifted to settle in between his legs. Billy wrapped himself around Dominic, pulling him closer, bringing their hard cocks together through the fabric, but with a few quick manipulations of Dominic’s clever fingers and they were both free, skin against hot skin, drawing a moan from both of them. Dominic gripped him tightly as he began to thrust against him, his rough cheek against Billy’s, his breath ragged. Billy clutched at his hips, keeping their bodies pressed hard together as Dominic’s cock stroked up and down the length of his own.

 

“Dom…” Billy gasped.

 

“Yes,” Dominic exhaled, and his hands tightened almost painfully around Billy’s shoulders as he cried out, wet heat spreading between them, and his final hard thrusts were more than enough to send fire spiking through Billy’s body as he added his share to the sticky warmth between them.

 

Dominic rested his head on Billy’s shoulder, breathing hard, and Billy rubbed his hair and kissed his temple.

 

“Good morning to you, too.”

 

He felt Dominic smile slightly. “Yeah. Well…”

 

“You OK?”

 

“I don’t know,” he said quietly. “When I’m with you, sometimes I think I am… but the rest of the time, I don’t know.”

 

Billy nodded. Dominic drew back and looked down at him, blue eyes intently focused.

 

“Billy… what I told you… you can’t tell anyone else. Ever.”

 

“I’m not going to,” Billy said, as they sat up. He pulled off his shirt and wiped at the worst of the mess on their stomachs, Dominic snorting and squirming as Billy found a ticklish spot. Billy moved to get up, but Dominic grabbed his arm and he sat back down. Dominic studied his face for a moment before speaking.

 

“What I told you.”

 

“Yeah?” Billy asked, as neutral as he could manage to be.

 

Dominic held out his hands, palms up, and shrugged helplessly.

 

“It doesn’t change how I feel about you, Dominic. Except to make me realize how strong you are, to live with that by yourself.”

 

“Not strong enough to get over it,” he said bitterly.

 

“Are you kidding? People don’t just ‘get over’ something like that… something that bad.”

 

Dominic shrugged again. “It shouldn’t have mattered. I was offering sex for money. He paid, he fucked me… that was what I went there for.”

 

“Are you fucking nuts, Dom? That wasn’t sex. That was fucking assault! He drugged you and hurt you and kept you there against your will and he fucking raped you…”

 

Dominic recoiled violently at the word, jerking back as if he’d been hit.

 

“Don’t say that.”

 

Billy grabbed for his hands, feeling them shaking.

 

“That’s what it was. You didn’t let them do that to you. Him and those other guys. That’s not what you went there for, and he knew it. That was fucking assault and rape…”

 

“Billy… don’t.”

 

“Why not? So you can keep blaming yourself for it or thinking you deserved it?”

 

“No… just because. I can’t…”

 

“Call it what it was,” Billy insisted, for some reason needing very, very badly for Dominic to understand what he was trying to tell him. “It was rape and nothing in the world gives anyone the fucking right to do that to somebody else. Not ever. No matter why you were there or what you were doing or how much they paid you. He had no right, and you didn’t deserve it. As far as you knew, the arrangement was supposed to be about sex, and that didn’t have anything to do with sex. It had everything to do with hurting you and controlling you just because they fucking wanted to. That guy meant to hurt you. Shit, Dom… he could have killed you. People can die from injuries like that…”

 

“I wanted to,” Dominic whispered.

 

“What?”

 

“I knew how bad I was hurt. I wanted it to kill me. I laid on my couch hoping I just wouldn’t wake up, but I did.”

 

Billy raised a hand to brush Dominic’s hair out of his face.

 

“If you’d died, I wouldn’t have met you.”

 

“Yeah, and how much easier would your life be?”

 

“Easier?” Billy repeated. “Do you not get that I love you? I don’t give a fuck whether it’s easy. I don’t want to be without you.”

 

“I don’t give you anything but worry and bullshit,” Dominic said quietly.

 

“You give me you.”

 

Dominic looked up, puzzled.

 

“You trust me, even after everything that happened to you. You let me help you when I first met you, and you let me touch you… do all those other things to you… I don’t know if you understand how much it means that you’ve given me that trust.”

 

Dominic smiled a little. “You earned it, Billy.”

 

They looked at each other in silence until Dominic’s stomach growled. Dominic grinned sheepishly.

 

“Way to ruin the moment, yeah?”

 

Billy leaned in and kissed him. “Bacon and eggs?”

 

“Sure. But I need a shower first… I seem to be a bit sticky for some reason.”

 

“Hmm. I’ll make bacon while you shower, and you can make eggs while I shower.”

 

“It’s a deal, as long as you don’t burn the bacon.”

 

They spent the rest of the morning watching cooking shows on TV and lounging on the couch, draped over each other. Dominic was quiet, but relaxed; Billy had become an expert at reading the level of tension in Dominic’s lean frame, and somewhere in his head would rate it on a scale from one to ten. With “one” being sound asleep and “ten” being half a step from flat-out panic, it was his way of taking stock of Dominic’s mental state; Dominic could lie with his voice but his body always told Billy the truth, and right now he read the usual undercurrent of ever-present vigilance, but no outward unease.

 

“Don’t you have to get ready for work?” Dominic asked.

 

“Yeah, I suppose so. It’s twelve-hour shifts this week… are you going to be all right?”

 

“As long as something decent eventually comes on TV, yeah.”

 

Billy made his way into the bedroom to change into his work scrubs. When he came back out, Dominic was laying on the couch.

 

“Hey, football’s on, so my afternoon is saved.”

 

“Good to hear it. Is your phone charged?”

 

“Yeah… it’s right there on the table. Why?”

 

“Because if I call it and you don’t answer, I’ll be walking out on my shift to come back here and check on you.”

 

“What if I’m taking a shit?” Dominic challenged, smirking.

 

“Fine. I’ll call twice before I freak out. Okay?”

 

Dominic gave him a thumbs-up.

 

“And Dom…”

 

“What?”

 

“Promise me you’ll eat something tonight.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“The xanax is in the medicine cabinet if things get to be too much…”

 

“Billy, fuck off and go to work, please.”

 

Billy worked twelve-hour shifts the next three days, half his mind always on Dominic while he listened to Orlando go on about how incredibly sexy Karl was and how he had that “bad boy” thing going on, and to Dr. Bean and Dr. Mortensen arguing about everything from patients to coffee. He called Dominic often enough that Dominic started answering the phone with “Fuck off, Boy.”

 

He came home just after midnight on the third night to find that they had company; Karl was sitting at the table with Dominic, cartons of Chinese food on the table between them.

 

“Hey, Billy!” Karl said cheerfully. “Hope you don’t mind… stopped by to visit and see if Dominic was hungry.”

 

“Did you call him to check on me?” Dominic demanded.

 

Billy chuckled. “No. If I’d called him, I’d have told him you like Thai better than Chinese.”

 

“Well, now there’s three of us, we can have a proper poker game,” Karl said.

 

They played cards and drank beer for a few hours, but even Dominic’s poker face couldn’t hide from Billy the vague tension that had settled into his body. He kept up his sarcastic good humor until Karl finished his last beer and said his goodnights.

 

Billy waited for the apartment door to close before turning back to Dominic.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Liar. What’s wrong? Did Karl say something?”

 

“No. Karl was fine.”

 

He slid his chair back sharply and stalked into the living room. Billy followed him and waited. He didn’t have to wait long before Dominic flopped down on the couch and closed his eyes wearily.

 

“Sorry, Billy.”

 

Billy sat down beside him. “Don’t be sorry. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

 

Dominic sighed and leaned toward Billy, letting him rub some of the rigidness out of his shoulders with soft hands.

 

“I like Karl,” he said slowly.

 

“Yeah? I like Karl too,” Billy said carefully.

 

“I didn’t like having him here.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Does it… does he remind you of… what you used to do?”

 

Dominic shook his head, frustrated. “It’s not just Karl. It’s everybody. Everybody but you. I just… I don’t think the way I feel about people has changed… I think it’s just that till I was here, with you, no place really ever felt… safe, you know? So I never really noticed that I didn’t feel safe. Like… if you got so used to being cold that you didn’t even notice it anymore until you got warm and remembered what it was like not to be cold for a little while. And when I’m here with you, I can almost feel like I’m all right, like things are going to be all right… but I’m not all right, Billy.”

 

“Dom, you need time, and you need…”

 

“Time? Fuck, Billy! Were you listening? I’m scared of people. I’m scared of fucking everything. What kind of life is that?”

 

Billy squeezed the back of his neck, drawing him closer. “It can get better. There are counselors who work with people who’ve experienced trauma…”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Dominic said, pulling away. “I know.”

 

“Look. I’ll find out tomorrow if there’s somebody good around here, and we can make you an appointment. Just one. If it freaks you out, you don’t have to go back. Just give it a try… please, Dom? For both of us?”

 

Dominic nodded slowly. “It’s worth a shot, I guess. At least it would be somebody other than you to dump all my shit on. I have to do something… I can’t be afraid to walk out the fucking door for the rest of my life.”

 

Billy stroked his rough cheek with his thumb. “I’m glad you’re not afraid of me.”

 

Dominc’s blue eyes, bright and intent, met his. “When you brought me back here the night I met you… I was sick and miserable and would have let you do anything you wanted to… and all you wanted to do was take that broken glass out of my shoulder and make it stop hurting. And you wanted me to stay… and you still could have done anything you wanted, but you didn’t touch me. And then I took too much pain medication and ended up in your bed so fucked up I wouldn’t have known what you were doing to me… and you still didn’t touch me. And you were really, truly going to let me walk out of here with your money in my pocket after you did nothing but fix me up and let me sleep, not expecting anything in return.”

 

Billy lowered his eyes. “Well… I think maybe I was already a little bit in love with you by the time I was done fixing your shoulder.”

 

“I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but when I figured out that I was in love with you was when I was in a hospital room, feeling horrendous and with total strangers jamming needles into me and talking over me like I wasn’t there, and I heard somebody say my name, and I knew it was you without even looking… and I think that was the first time since… everything happened… that I suddenly felt like I was going to be all right. Like someone was there to make sure I was going to be all right.”

 

Billy smiled. “I think I’d have grabbed a scalpel and fought anybody who tried to make me leave you alone.”

 

Dominic grabbed his hand abruptly, eyes dark and demanding.

 

“Come to bed. Please. With me.”

 

They went to bed, and shortly were both stripped of all clothing. Dominic knew what he wanted, knew Billy could give it to him, and his hands were busy slicking Billy’s cock while his mouth was occupied with kissing away any traces of concern into a haze of need and desire.

 

“Dom…” he murmured, trying to get his brain back on track.

 

Dominic rolled and swung a leg over him. Before Billy could tell him to go easy on himself, he had shoved his hips down, driving Billy deep in one sudden motion and drawing a sharp gasp from both of them. Dominic’s fingers dug into Billy’s chest as he closed his eyes. Billy grasped him by the waist and rolled them again, settling Dominic back against the mattress and pulling his hips into his lap.

 

“Billy… I need…”

 

“I know,” Billy said gently.

 

He fucked him slowly, but hard, rocking Dominic’s lean body with each thrust, steady and forceful enough to drive all the fears and thoughts and memories and frustrations away for a moment, hard enough that Dominic’s world narrowed to include nothing but Billy’s hands on him and Billy moving inside him. Knowing that this was about and why Dominic needed it, Billy didn’t try to draw it out or make it last; Dominic came with his legs wrapped around Billy and with no sound but a long, shuddering sigh. As they lay together afterwards, Billy stroked his hair and his neck and shoulders, soothing him into a blissfully dreamless sleep.

 

He was still asleep, his face relaxed and disarmingly boyish in slumber, when Billy got up to leave for work. He found Dominic’s phone and left it sitting on the nightstand before leaving.

 

The emergency department was in chaos when Billy walked in. Dr. Mortensen immediately shoved him into one of the trauma bays.

 

“Three-car pile-up. Seven victims. You get to work on Jane Doe here. Good luck… severe head trauma, depressed skull fracture, decerebrate posturing… I expect she’ll be leaving out department in a body bag, but we’ll see what we can do to stabilize her.”

 

Billy winced. Decerebrate posturing, with the head arched back and arms and legs rigidly extended, was a sign of severe brain injury and meant there was a pretty good chance the patient’s brain was swelling enough to cause herniation of the brain stem through the base of the skull, which meant that Dr. Mortensen’s grim prediction was almost certainly correct.

 

It turned out that he was almost right; they managed to get the patient alive onto the operating table, but the neurosurgeon hadn’t even finished scrubbing in for the surgery before she crashed.

 

Already tired and with most of his shift left to go, Billy washed off the sticky sweat on his hands from working in latex gloves before pulling out his phone, ducking into a side hallway. Dominic’s phone rang until his voicemail picked up. Billy frowned, but forced down his alarm; last time this had happened, Dominic had been in the shower.

 

Dr. Mortensen found him as soon as he emerged from hiding.

 

“Billy… there you are.”

 

“Yeah. You need me?”

 

“We’ve got the other victims under control. Your Jane Doe was the only fatality. Crossed the median into head-on traffic. Paramedics found an empty vodka bottle in the front seat.”

 

“Great,” Billy said wearily.

 

“Go take a break. Come back in fifteen or twenty minutes, unless we page we need help.”

 

Still no answer from Dominic’s phone. Billy couldn’t brush it off now. After the first few times Billy had nearly panicked when Dominic didn’t answer, he’d usually kept his phone close by, and even if he was in the shower or busy and couldn’t answer it the first time, he would either call back or make sure he was there to answer it the next time a few minutes later.

 

Hurrying down the hall, he nearly crashed into Orlando, who was heading in the opposite direction.

 

“What’s wrong, Billy?”

 

“Dominic’s not answering his phone.”

 

Orlando chewed on his lip. “Huh. You tried a couple of times?”

 

Billy nodded.

 

“Let’s go talk to Dr. Mortensen. We’ve got everything settled for the moment. Maybe he’ll let you take off for a bit.”

 

Dr. Mortensen looked up from the chart he was reading to listen to Orlando.

 

“We can spare you, Billy. Go home and make sure he’s OK.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“Go,” he said. “Just to be sure.”

 

Billy nodded and bolted for the door.

 

By the time he was turning the key in his apartment door, his heart was pounding; he’d called twice more on the way home and gotten no answer.

 

“Dominic? Dom!”

 

No Dominic in the living room, or the kitchen, or the bedroom.

 

The bathroom door was closed. Billy tried the knob. Locked. He pounded on the door.

 

“Dom! Open up! Right now!”

 

No response. Billy stepped back, mind racing. Dominic was locked in the bathroom.

 

With the medicine cabinet.

 

With the xanax.

 

Oh, fuck. A whole bottle of xanax.

 

It took him a frantic minute to find his hammer buried in junk under the kitchen sink. The cheap knob on the bathroom door gave out on the second blow.

 

Dominic was on the floor, slumped into the corner between the wall and shower, legs outstretched and head dropped toward his chest. The crash of the door hitting the wall drew no response. Billy grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him, but his head rolled limply to the side and his face didn’t change.

 

“Dom, wake up! What the fuck did you do? What did you take?”

 

His answer was sitting on the sink: the prescription bottle of xanax, completely empty.

 

“Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit…”

 

He grabbed for his phone and dialed with uncooperative fingers.

 

“Yes… it’s an emergency. Need paramedics here, now. Prescription drug overdose. Patient is unconscious and unresponsive.”

 

He blurted out the address and dropped the phone, grabbing Dominic by the shoulders again and shaking him, hoping irrationally that he would blink and open his eyes and mutter something about Billy being an asshole.

 

“Dominic… what the fuck? Why would you do this?”

 

He forced himself to calm down enough to check vital signs. His pulse was slower than it should be, but steady; he felt cold to the touch and his breathing was shallow. Not good, but alive. The experienced emergency department nurse in the back of his head reminded him that hypothermia and brachycardia, as well as complete non-responsiveness, only happened with benzodiazepine overdoses if the overdose was severe or complicated by the addition of other central nervous system depressants, such as alcohol. Benzodiazepine overdoses didn’t generally result in death, but the fact that Dominic was this far under was unusual and it wasn’t helping Billy worry any less.

 

When the paramedics burst into the apartment, Billy felt a moment of relief. It was Elijah and Sean, an inseparable team that Billy ran into frequently at work.

 

“Billy?” Elijah said, puzzled. “We got a call for an OD?”

 

Billy nodded to the bathroom. “Xanax. I don’t know exactly how many were in there… probably well over a hundred milligrams.”

 

Elijah frowned and stepped into the bathroom, crouching to quickly assess what he was dealing with.

 

“He’s out, that’s for sure. You sure he didn’t take anything but xanax?”

 

“No, I’m not” Billy said.

 

“Well, they can do a tox screen when we get him in there. Let’s get moving. Sean? What are you doing?”

 

Sean’s voice came from the living room. “Looking at stuff, Captain Observant.”

 

He appeared in the bathroom doorway, holding up an empty bottle of scotch. Billy’s heart missed at least two beats.

 

“Alcohol on top of the xanax,” Elijah said, frowning. “How much was in that bottle?”

 

“I opened it a few days ago. It was almost full.”

 

“Shit,” Elijah said, moving faster now. “Move, Sean. This could get bad really fast.”

 

Billy leaned against the bathroom wall and looked at the empty liquor bottle Sean had set on the sink.

 

Fuck, he thought desperately. Dominic was in a lot of trouble.

 

.....................

 

 

Billy sat helplessly in the back of the ambulance; this cramped space was Elijah’s domain and he knew what he was doing, calling out blood pressure and pulse rates to Sean to relay to the emergency department over the radio as he worked.

 

“They know this is a multi-drug OD?” he asked.

 

“Yup,” Sean called, from the driver’s seat.

 

A warning beep sounded on one of the machines. Elijah frowned and reached for something in one of the compartments above his head.

 

“Fuck,” he muttered. “I’m going to start bagging him.”

 

Billy’s stomach lurched. “What? Why?”

 

Elijah glanced at Billy quickly before answering.

 

 “Because he’s not breathing anymore.”

 

“What?” Billy demanded, stunned.

 

Elijah ignored him; he was too busy fitting the mask of the ambu-bag over Dominic’s face.

 

“It’s all right, Billy,” Sean called. “We’ll be at the hospital in four, maybe five minutes, and Lij can bag him for that long no problem.”

 

Billy nodded at whatever Sean was saying, but he really hadn’t heard a word past what Elijah had said.

 

The rest of the ride seemed unending. Billy couldn’t watch what Elijah was doing; he knew the younger man was very good at his job, but he was fighting the temptation to grab everything away from him and insist on working on Dominic himself. Knowing that probably wasn’t going to help either of them, he sat back and watched Dominic’s chest rise and fell with each squeeze of the bag in Elijah’s hand and tried to ignore the painful knots twisting in his stomach.

 

“Billy?” Elijah said. “I know this isn’t what you want to talk about at the moment, but when we get there they’re going to ask if this was an intentional OD.”

 

Billy looked up at him. “He knows I bitch at him for even drinking a beer if he’s been taking that stuff. He knows it’s a bad combination…”

 

“You know what I mean, Billy.”

 

Billy nodded slowly. “Yeah. I know. I’m pretty sure it was intentional.”

 

Elijah glanced back at Dominic, his hands still steadily working the ambu-bag. “Then you need to let them treat him as an attempted suicide.”

 

The words slapped Billy’s consciousness and for a moment he had to force himself to recognize what they meant.

 

“…may not want the psych guys involved here,” Elijah was saying, “but they need to be.”

 

Billy swallowed hard. “They can do whatever they have to, as long as I can stay with him.”

 

Elijah ignored the comment. “You said that bottle of scotch was almost full, right? How long did he have to drink it?”

 

“Between when I left for work and when I called him the first time… couple of hours.”

 

“Huh. Amazing he didn’t throw up.”

 

Billy shook his head. “He’s had a lot of practice. Besides, benzodiazepines have an anti-emetic effect. They give ‘em to cancer patients before chemo to help with the anxiety and the nausea.”

 

“Well, it’s been long enough, then, that they probably won’t bother to try to pump his stomach… they might do some activated charcoal, but maybe not. The xanax isn’t actually toxic like some meds at an overdose level… it just depresses your central nervous system till your body can’t maintain breathing and heart rate and things like that. As long as those things can be supported until it wears off, he’ll be all right. Alcohol’s bad for you, of course, but unless it’s a really lethal dose, once it’s cleared out of the stomach, they usually just do supportive treatment till it’s out of the system.”

 

“So…”

 

“So, I’m saying he looks pretty bad at the moment, but he could have OD’d on a lot worse things that would have endangered his life more than this.”

 

“Lij, just about there,” Sean called. “Got some stats for the docs?”

 

“Lazy bastards,” Elijah muttered. “Like they’re not gonna check them anyway as soon as they get him in there. BP is 90 over 60, pulse rate about 50, core body temp is about two degrees below normal and no independent respiration for… oh, about six minutes. Scoring about a six on the Glasgow scale… pupils responding to light, but no independent eye movement, no verbal responses, but he is making some attempt to withdraw from painful stimulus.”

 

Billy wished for a moment that he didn’t know what any of that meant, but of course he did; on the Glasgow coma scale, a fully conscious person scored a 15. A brick would score a 3.

 

The ambulance stopped, and a moment later Sean was opening the back doors. The two paramedics headed for the ambulance entrance to the emergency department, rolling Dominic between them, Elijah still bagging as they went. Billy followed, feeling lost; he practically lived in this hospital but he’d never entered it like this before. He heard Elijah’s voice ahead from one of the treatment rooms.

 

“Acute alcohol and alprazolam intoxication, presumed suicide attempt… stopped breathing during the ride. Hypothermic, hypotensive…”

 

“Billy.”

 

He jumped and turned to find Sean standing beside him.

 

“You went home to check on him and found him like this?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“You realize if you’d been fifteen minutes later, he wouldn’t have been breathing when you got there, and we probably wouldn’t have been able to get him back.”

 

Billy didn’t quite realize he was shaking until Sean patted his shoulder.

 

“Hey… I don’t know why he did this, but I do know he’s an extremely lucky bastard. How’d you know he was in trouble?”

 

“Wasn’t answering his phone. Knows that gives me fucking heart attacks. He wouldn’t torment me like that, not answering it… unless he couldn’t.”

 

“Like I said, extremely lucky.”

 

Then he was gone, and Billy leaned against the wall in the hallway, not really wanting to see his coworkers doing all the things he did to people every day but didn’t want to watch being done to Dominic.  Someone prying his head back to insert an endotracheal tube, someone else prodding him with a large needle, looking for a spot to get the IV into dehydrated veins, and other people drawing blood and shining lights and cutting off clothes to check for injuries.

 

“Guess it’s a good thing you stopped in, huh?”

 

Billy looked over his shoulder at Orlando. “Yeah. Looks that way.”

 

“He’s going to be all right. He’s here now and the ventilator can do his breathing for him till whatever he took wears off, and they’re giving him fluids and norepinephrine to get his blood pressure back up. People who OD on central nervous system depressants usually end up fine as long as they make it to the hospital alive. Once they’re here, we can manage the symptoms till the drugs are cleared from the system.”

 

The activity in the room had begun to settle down, and Billy realized that Dr. Mortensen was gently shooing away the nurses and residents. He motioned Billy into the room and pulled the curtain closed around the treatment bay.

 

“Come on over. You can stay with him for now. He’ll be down here for a few hours while we monitor him, and then he’ll go up to the ICU, and that’s Dr. Bean’s domain, but I’ll talk to him about it. His vital signs are still way out of whack but all of them are tolerable for the moment, and you’ve been around here long enough to know if that changes. He’ll have that trach tube in for probably at least 24 hours, until his brain’s back on line enough to manage things on its own.”

 

Billy ran his fingers up Dominic’s arm, tracing around the IV, then reached up to brush the hair away from his forehead.

 

“Physically, it looks like he’ll be fine,” Dr. Mortensen said quietly. “What about the other part? And what about you, Billy… are you all right?”

 

“No, I’m not all right,” Billy snapped, only dimly aware of tears. “I did this. I made him tell me things he didn’t want to tell me… he wasn’t ready.”

 

“If he told you, he was ready.”

 

“Then why did he do this?”

 

Dr. Mortensen shrugged. “Never can be quite sure what’s going on in somebody’s head. You’re his rescuer, Billy. Maybe part of him believed that if he told you, it would be better, that you could fix it somehow. And you cant’.”

 

“I would, if I…”

 

“You don’t have the power to fix what happened to him. But if it makes you feel better, I really don’t think he wanted to die today.”

 

“What?”

 

“He knew you’d call. And he knew if he didn’t answer, you’d come looking for him. He was probably still conscious enough to answer the phone the first time you called, at least. He didn’t answer it because he knew you’d come back. I think part of him had to test it. Had to know for sure.”

 

“Know what?” Billy asked.

 

“That he could put his life in your hands. That you weren’t going to let him go.”

 

Billy’s hands clenched into fists. “Fuck of a way to test my dedication! He still could have died. He almost died.”

 

“I’m sure he wasn’t thinking logically at that point, and you know that. He was probably thinking that he wanted to die. But subconsciously, he chose a method that would give you time to get there.”

 

They were silent for a moment. Billy unclenched his hands and went back to smoothing his fingers over Dominic’s cheek above the tape holding the breathing tube in place. A thought struck him.

 

“You said, ‘what happened to him’.”

 

Dr. Mortensen nodded.

 

“What do you know about it?” Billy demanded, oddly hurt at the thought that someone else might know the secret he’d worked so hard to earn the keys to.”

 

“I don’t know details. He didn’t tell me anything. He was in here… oh, seven or eight months ago. Got picked up by the police for being drunk in public, but he was in too bad a shape for the drunk tank, so they brought him here. This was probably a few months before he met you… he just needed a bed, some rehydration, and some time to come down from whatever he was on, so we put in an IV for fluids and put him in one of the beds.”

 

“Okay…”

 

“Well, his clothes were soaking wet and a mess, so I sent Liv in to strip him and put him in a dressing gown… figured we’d find something in the donation box that would fit him… and Liv came to get me and said it looked like something bad had happened to him and I should take a look at him.”

 

Billy sighed. “Do I want to know?”

 

“All the damage was probably at least a week old, or older. His wrists were torn up… same thing you see on people high on something trying to break out of handcuffs. He had some really nasty contusions on the backs of his legs and buttocks, and some obviously bad damage to…”

 

“Yeah,” Billy interrupted. “I know.”

 

“Well, I’m just saying that I know he seems pretty fragile right now, but he’s got to be amazingly tough to insist on handling injuries like that on his own. He’s a survivor.”

 

“He’d better be,” Billy said, surprised by the unexpected bitterness he heard in his own voice, and by the flush of anger he felt at Dominic and what he’d done. He shoved it away; there would be time to be angry later, but not now, not until he was sure Dominic was going to be all right. Not until he was sure he understood what he’d done, and why.

 

The rooms in the intensive care unit had no windows, and Billy had to check his watch to have any sense of time at all. Four in the morning, ten hours or so after they’d arrived at the hospital. He’d dozed off in the chair next to Dominic’s bed, apparently. He reached over the rail on the bed and rested his hand on Dominic’s chest, reassured to feel it rising and falling steadily, a semblance of normalcy made possible by the ventilator working quietly behind the bed; still far too many central nervous system depressants in his system for his brain to be able to manage basic functions on its own yet. One of the nurses had made a bit of a fuss about Billy being allowed to stay with him, but Dr. Mortensen had given her a rather sharp lecture on exactly what she thought she was going to do when the attempted suicide in Room 8 with post-traumatic stress disorder woke up and panicked and started pulling tubes out, and apparently had convinced her that letting Billy stick around and prevent that possibility was a reasonable course of action, because nobody had said anything since. Not that Billy was entirely sure he’d be able to do much about it either; he didn’t have any idea what state of mind Dominic was likely to be in when he woke.

 

He looked at Dominic’s face for a while; it was hard to look past the tape and the breathing tube, since when he was working on a patient he was usually focused on those things, but the closed eyes and unlined forehead were peaceful in a way that they rarely were even in sleep.

 

“I guess I’d look pretty fucking peaceful if I’d take a month’s worth of anti-anxiety meds,” he said, rubbing Dominic’s cheek with his thumb. “It’s my fault that stuff was even in the apartment. I should have thought…”

 

“Somebody who wants to OD is going to take whatever’s around.”

 

Billy jumped.

 

“Sorry,” Orlando said. “Just came to check on you two before I headed out. You know, if it hadn’t been this, it would have been something else, and it might have been something really dangerous.”

 

Billy shrugged. “Maybe.”

 

“You start blaming yourself for this, you’re going to be sharing side-by-side rooms at the loony bin,” the young man said. “He’s going to be pissed off enough with himself, and you taking yourself on a guilt trip is just going to make him feel worse. He’s going to need you to keep it together… and he’s going to need some serious counseling, too.”

 

“I know. I talked to him about that yesterday. He’d said he would do it… then this.”

 

“Maybe admitting it was bad enough to need help was hard to deal with.”

 

“Yeah, and I’m the one who pushed him to…”

 

“Give it a break, Billy. You’re not the one who fucked him up. You really think he’d be better off right now if it wasn’t for you? The way Karl tells it, he’d either be dead or well on his way to it by now, and there wouldn’t have been anyone to pull him back. He’s gonna live through this, and maybe this is what makes him get some help. And that’s not going to be easy either, but you’ll help him.”

 

Billy nodded.

 

“Hey,” Orlando said suddenly. “I’ll stay with him for a few minutes if you’ll go downstairs and eat something.”

 

“Not hungry.”

 

“No, but there’s no way he’s going to be waking up in the next hour, and once he does starting coming out of it, I know you won’t go anywhere. So go get a sandwich, please. I’ll sit right here till you get back.”

 

Unable to come up with a very good counter-argument for any of that, Billy gave in and went down to the cafeteria. He found a plastic-wrapped ham and cheese sandwich and chewed on it distractedly on the elevator back up to the ICU. Orlando nodded his approval when he walked in.

 

“There. I did my part in keeping you functioning. I’m off.”

 

“Headed home?”

 

Orland flushed. “Kinda.”

 

“Headed to Karl’s?”

 

“Well… yeah.”

 

“Have fun.”

 

Orlando grinned sheepishly and ducked out of the room. Billy reclaimed his chair and settled down to wait.

 

He must have dozed off at some point during the long hours of sitting and watching, because he woke when Dr. Bean came into the room. Wincing at the cramps in his neck and shoulder from sleeping in an odd position, Billy watched as Dr. Bean moved to the other side of the bed and glanced at the monitors.

 

“Heart rate and blood pressure are back in the normal range,” he said. “Let’s see if we can get some response out of him.”

 

He rubbed his knuckles briskly over Dominic’s sternum, an uncomfortable stimulus pretty much certain to get a response out of anyone capable of responding. Dominic’s arms jerked, trying to push the hand away, and he shifted against the mattress.

 

“Hmm. He’s probably good to breathe on his own.”

 

He reached back and shut off the ventilator. Billy watched with painful anxiety for a long moment, until Dominic’s chest rose as he inhaled.

 

“There we are,” Dr. Bean muttered. “Seems to be doing fine on his own. Let’s take this tube out… he won’t be a happy camper if he wakes up and it’s still in. Easier on everybody if we do it now. We’ll watch his oxygen saturation and put him on some supplemental oxygen if he needs it, but I don’t think he will.”

 

He pressed the button by the bed to call one of the nurses in and began peeling the tape off Dominic’s face. The nurse that popped in was a pretty, blond-haired lady with a bright smile.

 

“Oh, extubating him, are we? That’s wonderful! Just give me a moment to get the suction equipment in case we need it…”

 

Billy drifted to the corner of the room as the nurse arranged her hopefully unneeded emergency equipment. Dr. Bean finished taking the tape off and glanced over at Billy before returning his attention to Dominic and laying a hand on his chest.

 

“Easy, all right? You’re not going to like this, but don’t fight it.”

 

He grasped the tube and pulled it steadily out. Billy winced as Dominic gagged and struggled, coughing and gasping for breath. Dr. Bean watched him closely for a moment, then smiled.

 

“I don’t think we need any oxygen on him. In fact, I think that actually woke him up a bit. Look, Billy.”

 

Billy cautiously approached the bed. Dominic was still coughing, his body shaking from the force of it, but Billy was surprised to find blue eyes staring up at him, wide and bewildered. He grabbed Dominic’s hand and squeezed it hard.

 

“Hey… hey… you’re all right. It’s all right. All done. Slow down… just breathe. Slow.”

 

Dominic blinked at him, puzzled but not quite conscious enough to be afraid yet. Still, he seemed to have some understanding of what Billy was telling him, and his gasping breaths began to even out. Billy stroked his tangled hair.

 

“There you are. That’s better. Nice and steady.”

 

Dr. Bean glanced at the monitors. “Oxygenating just fine. Billy, you’ll come get us if it drops, right? Good, then… I’ll stop back in a little while and make sure he’s still doing well.”

 

Billy waited until he and the nurse were gone, still running his fingers through Dominic’s hair.

 

“Hey, Dom… do you know where you are?”

 

The dazed blue eyes flickered around the room, and then a slight motion of his head from side to side.

 

“No? Do you know who I am?”

 

A small nod, and a squeeze of his hand.

 

“Well, that’s the important thing, then, right? Don’t worry about anything right now. Just rest. Everything is fine.”

 

The grip on his hand tightened, and a frown creased Dominic’s face.

 

“Don’t worry, Dom. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here. I promise. Go back to sleep. I’ll be here. I’ve never promised to watch out for you and then not been there, have I?”

 

A trace of a smile, and a small shake of his head. His eyes drifted closed, but his fingers stayed locked with Billy’s. 

 

 

.......................

 

 

Watching Dominic sleep left Billy in a state that was somewhere between numbed, gnawing worry and mind-dissolving boredom as the hospital shifted into its busy daytime rhythm. One of the ICU nurses took pity on him and brought him some magazines to read, and Orlando strolled in at lunchtime, setting a paper bag on the stand next to Billy’s chair.

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Pie,” Orlando declared.

 

“From where?”

 

“Karl’s kitchen.”

 

Billy snorted. Orlando looked hurt.

 

“I’m serious. It’s pecan pie. Karl made it and had me bring you some.”

 

“Huh. A pimp who bakes. Who knew?”

 

“He’s not a pimp,” Orlando said, slightly defensive.

 

Billy raised an eyebrow. “Oh? What do you suppose he is, then?”

 

Orlando shifted his feet. “Well, isn’t there some word you could use that sounds less sleazy than ‘pimp’, please?”

 

“Hmm. If he was a lady we could call him a Madame. I don’t know what you’d call…”

 

One of the nurses walking by outside the open door gave them a stern look. Orlando waved a sheepish apology.

 

“Anyway, Karl wants to come see you two, but it’s not visiting hours till this afternoon, so here’s your pie. No more breathing tube, huh?”

 

“Nope. Dr. Bean took it out this morning.”

 

“Has he been awake?”

 

“Having the tube yanked out brought him around for a few, but he wasn’t really with it, and he’s been asleep since then.”

 

“You tried waking him up?”

 

Billy shrugged, not wanting to tell Orlando that as long as Dominic was asleep, he didn’t have to try to figure out what to say to him. As the panic had faded he’d been surprised to find a dull thud of anger underneath it, and a voice in his head wanting to know why the fuck Dominic couldn’t have just talked to him, asked him for help, instead of putting both of them through this nightmare.

 

“I’d as you if you needed a break, but you’d just say no,” Orlando said. “So I’ll offer you some company instead.”

 

“Sure. Better than ‘Ladies Home Journal’, I suppose.”

 

“Gee, thanks. You gonna eat that pie or not?”

 

“I’m saving it for later.”

 

Orlando pulled up the other chair and sat down. “You gotten any sleep?”

 

“Haven’t had anything to do except sleep.”

 

“Anything to eat? Been out of this room since last night?”

 

“I’m fine, Orlando.”

 

“Well, you look like hell.”

 

Billy raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Thanks.”

 

“When are you going to go home?”

 

Billy glanced at Dominic. “When I can take him home with me.”

 

“What if…”

 

Dr. Bean stepped into the room, disheveled and tired-looking. Orlando grinned.

 

“Do you ever leave this hospital?”

 

“Rarely,” Dr. Bean muttered, leaning over to look at the chart hanging on the wall by the bed and trying to interpret the night nurse’s chicken scratch.

 

“He looks almost as rough as you,” Orlando whispered.

 

“Well, not all of us were lucky enough to spend the morning getting fucked by a pimp,” Billy whispered back. Orlando turned red and glanced at Dr. Bean, who seemed to be ignoring them.

 

“How’s my patient? Been awake yet?”

 

“Not yet,” Billy said.

 

Dr. Bean reached over and tapped on Dominic’s chest.

 

“Hey! Dominic! Wake up!”

 

Dominic muttered and squirmed away from the disturbance. His eyes flashed open, wide and startled, pupils shrinking rapidly to pinpoints in the sudden brightness, leaving an expanse of stunned blue.

 

“Good morning,” Dr. Bean said.

 

Dominic blinked at him, then at the room, and then at Billy.

 

“Fuck…”

 

“Hey,” Billy said, grabbing his arm before he could dislodge the IV line. “Relax, Dom.”

 

“What… is this a nightmare? This is a fucking nightmare, right?”

 

His voice was still slurred, and when he tried to sit up, he offered no resistance when Billy’s hand on his chest pushed him back down.

 

“It’s not a nightmare. It’s the intensive care unit.”

 

Dominic slumped back, confused. “Why… what’s going on?”

 

“Relax. We’ll talk about it later.”

 

“No… tell me what the hell…” he winced as he raised his voice. “Why does my throat hurt so bad?”

 

“Because you had a big tube shoved down it,” Billy said.

 

“What the fuck for?” Dominic demanded.

 

“Because you weren’t fucking breathing!” Billy snapped.

 

He could feel Orlando’s surprised gaze on his back, but his attention was on Dominic, watching the younger man’s face shift as he reassembled scattered fragments of memory.

 

“Fuck,” he murmured, closing his eyes. “Oh, fuck… what did I do?”

 

Billy’s anger faded. “Drank a lot of alcohol. Took a lot of pills.”

 

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I did, didn’t I. What happened?”

 

“You didn’t answer your phone.”

 

Dr. Bean had stepped out, and Orlando was close behind him.

 

“You just about fucking died, you know,” Billy said, not sure what he was doing, but not able to stop talking. “You stopped breathing in the ambulance. If I’d come home half an hour later… fuck, Dominic! I could have come home and found you dead... do you get that?”

 

Dominic stared back at him. “I’m sorry, Billy.”

 

“Don’t be sorry. Just tell me why.”

 

“I don’t know why.”

 

“That’s not a fucking answer!”

 

Dominic turned his head, but not before Billy saw the tears, and then melted his frustration into stabbing guilt.

 

“Dom, I’m sorry. I really am. I’m tired and you scared the shit out of me. I’m done being an asshole, I promise.”

 

Dominic looked back at him. “How long have you been sitting there?”

 

“Twenty hours or so.”

 

“Oh. Was I dreaming, before?”

 

“When?”

 

“I woke up, and I couldn’t breathe… felt like my chest was on fire. Like I was choking.”

 

“That’s when they pulled the breathing tube out.”

 

“You told me it was okay. And that you’d stay with me.”

 

“Of course I was going to stay with you. Where the fuck am I going to go while you’re here like this? Go home and leave you here with strangers?”

 

Dominic blinked, and Billy realized he was struggling not to slip back into sleep again. He reached over and brushed the sandy hair from Dominic’s forehead.

 

“Go back to sleep for a little while. If you’re okay, I’ll go see if I can get you some ice for your throat.”

 

“When will they let me out of here?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Dominic caught the hesitation, and he frowned, fighting slumber. “What? When are they going to let me go?”

 

“You may have to talk to somebody first.”

 

“What? Who?”

 

“One of the psych docs.”

 

“Why?” Dominic demanded.

 

“They’re going to want to make sure you’re going to be okay…”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“You tried to kill yourself, Dom.”

 

The words collapsed him back against the bed like a fist, and for a moment there didn’t seem to be any air in his lungs.

 

“Well, you did,” Billy said.

 

“It wasn’t…”

 

“Then tell me what it was,” Billy said, grabbing his hand. “Please. I want to believe this was anything but that. What did you do?”

 

Dominic’s forehead creased as he struggled to grasp thoughts through the fog in his mind. “You left for work… I was okay, for a little while. Started thinking about the counselor you were talking about… about telling someone else about…”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Kind of… started to panic.”

 

“About the counselor?”

 

“About you. What I told you. Thinking… that there was no way you were still going to want to be around me, after you’d had time to think about things… about that. And what would happen if you threw me out. And about going back to work… doing what I used to do. And then I knew I wasn’t thinking right, so I took some pills, but it didn’t stop. So I had a drink, and it still didn’t stop. So I took more pills. Still felt bad. Just wanted to stop feeling bad, Billy… there aren’t enough fucking pills in the world to fix feeling that bad.”

 

Billy exhaled. “You knew you were hurting yourself.”

 

“I didn’t care. It didn’t matter.”

 

His voice caught in his throat and he winced. Billy rubbed his arm.

 

“Go back to sleep for a little while. I’m going to go find some ice.”

 

When Billy came back with a styrofoam cup of chipped ice from the freezer at the nurses’ station, Dominic had dozed off, but he woke immediately when Billy tapped his shoulder.

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“Brought you some ice. It’ll make your throat feel better. That, and you’re still dehydrated.”

 

Dominic sat up gingerly. “Ugh. My throat hurts, my head hurts…”

 

“Yeah, well, when you drink enough to nearly die from it, you’re likely to have a fuck of a hangover,” Billy said, holding out the cup. Dominic took a piece of ice and sucked on it thoughtfully, watching Billy with wary eyes.

 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Billy asked.

 

“Well… just trying to figure out how pissed off you are.”

 

Billy shook his head. “Not pissed off, Dom.”

 

“Bullshit. I can tell you are. You’re pissed off at me for fucking up and ending up in the hospital and causing all this fucking trouble for no reason.”

 

Billy thought about how to answer this, and decided on honesty. “Yeah, Dom. To tell you the truth, I am pissed off. I guess I just don’t understand why… why we ended up here.”

 

“Because I’m a fuck-up.”

 

“You’re not a fuck-up,” Billy argued, holding out the cup of ice again. “And I don’t want to be pissed off. I just want you to be okay.”

 

Dominic took another piece of ice.

 

“How’s your throat?” Billy asked.

 

“Hurts. The ice is good.”

 

“You thinking better now?”

 

Dominic rubbed his forehead. “Still fuzzy. I’m sorry, Billy. Really.”

 

“Shh. Quit talking and give your throat a rest. Go back to sleep. When one of the doctors comes around later, we’ll see if they’ll take the rest of the lines and tubes out and you can get up.”

 

“You think they’d let me have a milkshake or something?”

 

“Not till they’re sure you’re not going to vomit and choke yourself. If it makes you feel any better, when you go get to leave, we’ll stop at the diner on the way home and get you whatever you want.”

 

“You sure you want me to come home with you?”

 

“Why the hell would I not want you to come home with me, Dominic? You live there.”

 

“Yeah, but do you still want me there?”

 

Billy sighed. “Look, do you really think I’ve been sitting here this whole time just to make sure I was here when you woke up, just so I could dump you on the street as soon as you were feeling better?”

 

“You’re pissed off at me,” Dominic said.

 

“Yeah, I am, a little bit. But you know… if you’re going to be around for the long run, I’ll be pissed off at you occasionally, and you’ll be pissed off at me occasionally, and that’s just the way it is. I don’t expect it to be all fucking sunshine and rainbows, Dom. But you’ve got to get some help. Okay?”

 

He nodded slowly. “Yeah. Okay.”

 

“Promise?”

 

“Yeah. I promise.”

 

“I don’t mean ‘at some point’, either. I mean you’re walking out of here with your first appointment already scheduled, all right?”

 

“Yeah,” me said, unable to look at Billy as he took another ice chip.

 

“And if they want to prescribe you something to help, until things get better…”

 

“Okay.”

 

Billy realized suddenly how tired and defeated Dominic looked, dark circles under his eyes and his shoulders slumped hopelessly. He immediately felt guilty again and reached out to brush away the hair that was always in Dominic’s face.

 

“Don’t worry about that stuff right now. Just lay back down and get some more rest. I’m sure one of the doctors will be around and wake you up soon enough.”

 

Dominic glanced at him. “You staying?”

 

“Yeah. I’m staying right here.”

 

“Okay,” he said, laying back down and rolling over to press his face against the pillow.

 

“Hey, Dom?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I won’t give up on you, as long as you don’t give up on me.”

 

Dominic smiled slightly. “Promise?”

 

“Yeah. I promise.”

 

..........

 

“Ordinarily we’d keep you another day,” Dr. Bean said, looking Dominic over as he stood next to the bed, trying to keep his hospital gown from exposing his bare ass. “But since you’re going home with an experienced emergency department nurse, I think you’ll be properly looked after.”

 

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Billy said.

 

“Can I get dressed now, please?” Dominic asked, scowling.

 

Billy handed him the clothes he’d picked up from the apartment that morning. “Put some clothes on. The nurses are staring.”

 

Dr. Bean departed to write up discharge orders, leaving Dominic to get dressed. When he came back, he handed Billy two sheets of paper. Billy glanced at them.

 

“Prescription?”

 

“It’s an antidepressant. Very low potential for abuse,” he said. Seeing Dominic open his mouth to protest, he waved a hand in his direction. “Don’t get all agitated. You were here for an OD on prescription meds. It’d look bad if I let you leave with a prescription for anything you could hurt yourself with.”

 

“Who’s the phone number for?”

 

“Fellow named Ian. He’s a counselor. Specializes in post-traumatic stress disorder.”

 

Dominic rolled his eyes. “I don’t have post-traumatic stress disorder.”

 

“Yes, you do,” Dr. Bean said briskly. “He’s expecting to hear from you.”

 

“Is he any good?” Billy asked.

 

Dr. Bean raised an eyebrow. “You think I’d refer you to someone who wasn’t? He’s very good. I’ve worked with him myself. That, and he’s as queer as a three-dollar bill, so you won’t have to worry about any of that crap.”

 

Billy chuckled and stuffed both papers into his pockets.

 

“I can keep my own stuff in my own pockets, thank you,” Dominic said sharply.

 

“You could… but you don’t have any pockets, since you don’t have any pants on yet,” Billy pointed out.

 

Dominic’s scowl began to fade once they were outside the hospital, walking down the street toward home. Billy glanced over at him, taking in the slump of his shoulders, the hands shoved in his pockets, eyes on the pavement.

 

“Glad to be out of there?” he asked.

 

Dominic nodded. “Gets a bit old.”

 

“What, having all those nurses and doctors poking at you?”

 

Dominic looked up for a moment. “Knowing everybody’s walking by in the hall and looking in on the guy in Room 7 who managed to fail at killing himself.”

 

“Dom…”

 

“Even Karl acted like that,” he said, looking back at the ground.

 

Billy knew better than to argue with him; he wasn’t going to convince Dominic of anyone’s intentions except possibly his own.

 

“I’m not acting like that. As far as I’m concerned, you failing at killing yourself is possibly the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.”

 

“You need to get out more, then.”

 

Billy smiled. “Probably. I told you we’d stop and get you anything you wanted to eat on the way home, didn’t I?”

 

“I think I’d rather just go home,” Dominic said quietly.

 

Billy could only nod.

 

..........

 

After three days, Billy was starting to wonder exactly who he’d brought home with him; it certainly wasn’t Dominic, or at least not all of him. After all, Dominic, no matter how bad things had gotten, had never left Billy to sleep alone in bed while he sat on the couch all night, staring blankly at the TV. And Dominic had always eaten at least some of whatever Billy had attempted to cook, even if he wasn’t in the mood to cook anything himself. And Dominic had never, as far as Billy could remember, recoiled from Billy’s hand on his shoulder as if it had burned him. And Dominic talked; complained and argued, maybe, but at least he had talked. The silence in the apartment seemed to drill itself into Billy’s head.

 

On the third night he decided he had to do something. Pushing Dominic was always risky; he’d stormed out of the apartment before, and Billy wasn’t entirely sure he’d come back this time, but at this point it seemed like an empty apartment couldn’t be much worse than the silent stranger whose haunted eyes refused to meet his, who slipped away when Billy tried to talk to him, who cringed involuntarily when Billy moved to brush that always-untidy hair out of his face.

 

“You didn’t call that Ian guy yet,” he said.

 

Dominic leaned back as if trying to melt into the couch.

 

“And you didn’t fill your prescription yet, either.”

 

No response. He hated to do it.

 

“Dominic. You promised.”

 

“Fuck you,” Dominic said quietly.

 

If Billy had thought about it, he wouldn’t have said it, but the part of his brain that was speaking now wasn’t the one that thought about what it was saying; it was the part that spoke up after not enough sleep and too much worrying and the gnawing fear of losing Dominic, or the even more tormenting fear that he was already lost.

 

“Really, Dom? Fuck you? That’s all you can say? That’s the best you can do?”

 

At least Dominic was looking at him now.

 

“Yeah, Billy. That’s the best I can do.”

 

“Damnit, you promised. Remember? You promised me that when we came home you were going to do that stuff. You promised it wasn’t going to be like this.”

 

Dominic’s eyes, dark-circled, were accusing and hurt. “You promised you weren’t going to give up on me.”

 

“Yeah, well, if you can’t keep your fucking promises to me, what makes you think I’m going to be able to keep mine to you?”

 

The silence that sank down on them felt like it was going to crush Billy under its weight.

 

“I figured,” Dominic said, anger fading into defeat.

 

“Figured what?”

 

Dominic stood up, walking toward the door. Any other day, Billy would have moved to stop him, to pull him back and try to repair things, but now he just stood and watched.

 

“Everybody’s got a limit,” he said, his voice low and toneless. “I figured I’d find yours eventually. I told you I would. Everybody gives up eventually.”

 

The door slammed.

 

Trying to think didn’t seem to be working, so Billy dug out the bottle of whiskey he’d hidden under the sink and got to work on it.

 

He didn’t get far; he was asleep at the kitchen table with his head on his arms and his first glass of whiskey still half-full in front of him when the phone rang. He glanced at the clock. Two in the morning. Fuck. If this was the goddamn Emergency Department… he wasn’t doing this again. Not again.

 

“Billy? It’s Karl.”

 

Billy exhaled. “Karl.”

 

“Hey,” he said, his voice just above a whisper. “He’d be royally pissed if he knew I was calling you, but I figured you’d probably like to know…”

 

“Dominic?”

 

“Yeah. He’s here. He’s fine. Well… he’s okay. I don’t know what’s going on, but I figured after… everything that happened, you’d be thinking the worst.”

 

“Fuck,” Billy said, resting his forehead on the table. “Yeah. I was.”

 

“Well, he showed up here and he’s asleep on my couch. Orlando’s here, so we’ll keep an eye on him. If he leaves here, I’ll let you know.”

 

“Thanks, Karl.”

 

“Hey. No problem.”

 

..........

 

By noon the next day Billy finally managed to convince himself to at least take a shower. He had just stepped out and was studying himself in the mirror, towel wrapped around his waist, wondering how many gray hairs Dominic was giving him, when there was a knock at the door.

 

Really need to start seeing someone who’s sane enough that I can stop being afraid they’re dead, he thought to himself, padding through the apartment and trying to hold up his towel as he reached the door and opened it.

 

Dominic had apparently decided he needed a shower too; his hair was clean, his face shaved, and he was wearing a too-big shirt that was obviously Orlando’s, since Billy was sure he’d never seen Karl wear anything orange.

 

“You don’t have to knock, Dominic. You live here.”

 

He stepped back, letting Dominic in before closing the door. Dominic leaned back against the wall, arms crossed, apparently waiting for Billy to say something else.

 

“Look, Dom, I didn’t mean…”

 

“Yeah, you did,” he said. “And it’s about fucking time you said it.”

 

Billy blinked. Dominic straightened up from the wall, taking a step closer.

 

“I called and made an appointment with that Ian guy. He said he had a cancellation and I could come in tomorrow, if I wanted to. And he says you can come with me, if that’ll make sure I show up.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Picked this up on the way home, too,” he said, reaching into the pocket of Orlando’s ugly shirt and pulling out a small brown prescription bottle, shaking it to hear the pills rattle inside. “The pharmacist says it takes about two weeks for them to build up in your system before you start noticing a difference, but… figured I might as well get started.”

 

“Oh,” he said again, realizing he ought to be coming up with something better. “What’s in the bag?”

 

“Sandwiches from down the street. Thought you might be hungry. I haven’t cooked anything in days and everybody knows that shit you call food is inedible.”

 

The smile was hesitant, but it was definitely Dominic’s.

 

“I could eat something,” Billy said.

 

“You don’t have any clothes on,” Dominic observed.

 

“No. I don’t.”

 

“Someone might decide to take advantage of that.”

 

Billy’s eyes widened as Dominic grabbed his hand and pulled it from the towel, letting it fall to the floor.

 

“Dom, are you sure you…”

 

“I’m not sure about anything,” he said, dropping the bag of sandwiches on the table by the door. “But… I think I’d really, really like to take you to bed right now.”

 

“Oh…”

 

“Is that all you can say?”

 

Billy swallowed hard. “I can say ‘yes’.”

 

“Well, that will do,” Dominic said, taking him by the arms and walking backward toward the bedroom.

 

“Dom…” Billy said, resisting for a moment.

 

Dominic frowned, concerned. “What?”

 

“What happened?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Between when you left last night and now. What happened?”

 

Dominic pressed closer, wrapping his arms around him. “Well, I thought about what you said. And…”

 

“And?”

 

“And Karl told me to suck it up and do what I had to do to get better so I could stop fucking things up. He said that even if I don’t think I deserve it, I ought to fucking know that you deserve it.”

 

“I see.”

 

“And I figured he was probably right,” Dominic said, and kissed him, and that was the end of the discussion. 

 

 


	4. Repairs

Billy was just starting to feel reasonably human again after a run of overnight double shifts at the hospital, dozing on the couch by the open window and listening to the occasional car rolling down the quiet street below their apartment. He made some attempt to rouse himself when he heard a key turning in the lock, and managed some sort of vaguely coherent greeting as Dominic walked through the living room on his way to the kitchen, carrying a brown paper bag.

“Still sleeping, huh?” he called.

Billy groaned. “I’m getting up. Slowly. What’s in the bag?”

“Eggs, first off, since you used all of them making those stupid Easter eggs to take to work…”

“We gave them to the kids in the pediatric unit. Stop bitching.”

“Few other things. A couple of onions, some peppers… some strawberries, too… finally back in season again, and not so bloody expensive.”

“Mmm. I like strawberries.”

“I’m gonna make a pie out of them, you bugger, so leave them alone.”

Billy could hear rummaging as Dominic put things away in the cabinets and fridge. He knew better to ask about the sessions with Ian; sometimes Dominic felt like talking about them and sometimes he didn’t, but Billy knew the signs by now, and Dominic’s ordinary tone, without a ragged edge to it and without closed-off, one-word answers, suggested it hadn’t been too bad today.

“You’re off tonight, right?”

“Three whole days. Hallelujiah.”

“Good. You look like you could use it. You taken those clothes off since you got home this morning?”

He strolled back into the living room, a beer in each hand, and passed one to Billy before sprawling into the recliner and leaning back to look at the ceiling.

“Ian gave me homework.”

“Huh. Didn’t know shrinks gave homework. Is it calculus? Because if it is, I’ll be no help at all…”

“Not that kind of homework, you ass,” Dominic said, rolling his eyes. Billy noticed then that Dominic had traced his eyes with just a thin line of black kohl; he rarely did anymore, but he knew it made those blue eyes almost startlingly bright and intense, and more specifically, he knew what those eyes did to Billy, since the topic had been discussed in the past.

“What’s the assignment?” he asked, swallowing hard and forcing his voice to stay easy; if Dominic did have something in mind for the afternoon besides baking, he didn’t want to do anything to deter it.

Dominic studied him carefully for a moment, those dark-lined eyes with dark lashes sending a spark straight to Billy’s groin.

“For the next three days, I’ve been given the assignment to operate under the assumption that everything you say and do means exactly what it seems like it means and not anything else. And to not let myself think about all the things it might mean, or might not mean, or anything else. So basically, the assignment’s to not question or doubt the things you tell me.”

“That’s quite an assignment,” Billy said, neutral.

“He says I’ll never be able to really have any sort of peace again if I can’t let myself feel safe somewhere and learn to trust someone.”

“Oh,” Billy said, slightly hurt.

“Not that he’s saying I don’t trust you, Billy,” Dominic said, sitting up. “He says I won’t let myself trust you and I won’t let myself feel safe, and that now that I can trust someone, and that I can feel safe, I can’t let go of the doubts. Still trying to protect myself, I suppose.”

“Three days, hmm?”

“Yup,” Dominic said, spinning his beer with long fingers. “Till my next session. Then I’m supposed to report on the results.”

“What do I get to do?”

Dominic looked at him and smiled, that uncertain boyish smile that only appeared at rare moments. “I don’t know. Take it easy on me, I guess.”

“I will, Dom.”

“Right. Now go put on some clean clothes. You’ve had those on at least twenty-four hours and they smell.”

Billy rolled his eyes, but the clothes did smell a bit stale, so he dragged himself to his feet and made his way toward the bedroom.

He was stripped naked, sorting through the basket of clean laundry for a pair of boxers, when he felt Dominic’s presence in the doorway behind him.

“Came for a peek?” he asked, realizing his bare ass was in the air. “Dirty bastard. I’ll be right out.”

“Billy.”

He straightened slowly, not turning around. “Yeah?”

“I’m supposed to be assuming you mean what you tell me, no questions asked.”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve said you love me.”

“That’s right.”

“And that even with… everything… you want me to stay, and you’re not going to hurt me.”

“That’s right too.”

“And you’ve said that you want me.”

Billy had to turn around at that; the tone of Dominic’s voice pulled him like a rope. Dominic was leaning in the doorway, watching him with those dark-lined, luminously blue eyes.

“Fuck, Dom. I always want you. Anytime, anywhere. Just having you in the same apartment with me makes me want you. I start thinking about you at work and I get a hard-on. Fuck, yes, I want you.”

A slow smile spread across Dominic’s face.

“I like hearing you talk like that.”

Billy raised his eyebrows. “Is that so?”

“Mmm-hmm. Maybe you should keep talking.”

“I… shit. What do you want me to say?”

Dominic smirked knowingly, grasping the bottom of his T-shirt and pulling it halfway up, revealing a strip of skin above the waist of his jeans.

“I don’t know. But if you think of something good, clothes might start coming off.”

“Fuck,” Billy muttered, realizing his nakedness did absolutely nothing to conceal his immediate reaction to Dominic’s suggestion. “I…”

“You were talking about how much you want me,” Dominic reminded, in the tone of a teacher reminding a wayward student that they’d been talking about the periodic table.

“Does the fact that I want you so much my brain’s shut off mean anything?”

“No. Start talking.”

“Ahhh…”

“You said you think about me at work,” he prompted.

“Quite frequently, actually.”

“Mmm-hmm. Tell me what you think about.”

Billy sat down on the bed. “Just… anything. Any time I’m not busy. I’ll be sitting at the nurses’ station filling out charts and suddenly I’m thinking about coming home late and climbing into bed and finding you there all warm and naked. Or I’m thinking about your ass, and what it feels like through your jeans when we’re groping each other up against the wall in the hall at the back of Miranda’s bar…”

“I like that,” Dominic said absently, tugging his shirt up a bit higher. “I seem to recall one night you’d had a bit more to drink than usual…”

“Oh, god,” Billy murmured. “I remember that.”

“Do you? Remind me what happened,” Dominic said, stepping from the doorway into the room and leaning against the dresser, watching Billy intently.

“That would have started with the groping each other in the hall… and someone suggested… okay, I suggested… that we step into the men’s room.”

“Mmm-hmm. And?”

Billy felt his cheeks turning red. “I’m sure you remember.”

“I want you to tell me.”

“And you ended up fucking me bent over the sink, and Miranda laughed her ass off when we came out, because apparently the walls of the men’s room are pretty thin and apparently neither of us were very quiet…”

“Hmm. You think about that when you’re at work?”

“Among other things. I think about the first time you were here and you climbed naked into the shower with me… I think the first time you kissed me I was just about gone already. I think about one day when I was half asleep laying in the recliner and woke up with you naked in my lap unzipping my pants…”

Dominic pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside. Billy glanced down; he was already missing shoes and socks. That left jeans and underwear to go.

“Yeah? You liked that?”

“Of course I fucking liked it!”

“Tell me how much you liked it.”

Billy moaned and sprawled back on the bed. “Are you trying to _kill_ me?”

“No, I’m trying to fuck you, but you’re not cooperating.”

“I liked it very much,” he said, looking at the ceiling because he thought looking at Dominic anymore might give him a heart attack. “You have no idea how amazing it feels to fuck you… not just the… all of it. Love having my hands on your ass. Love feeling your heels digging into my back. Love having you all flushed and staring at me. Love feeling how the muscles in your back twist when you move. Love having my hand in the hair at the back of your neck… and I love making you say things you don’t even know you’re saying… I love to watch you come. Love to watch your face… you bite your lip and…”

He looked up, and realized that Dominic was standing much closer to the bed now; his jeans were open and his hand under the waistband of his boxers. Billy wasn’t quite sure he ever remembered Dominic watching him with that kind of intensity before, with a narrowed fascination and focus, blue eyes wide and dark, and Billy realized Dominic was breathing harder, his lips slightly parted.

“Hmm. Do you ever think about me fucking you?”

“Fuck, yes, I do. Quite a bit. That’s usually when one of the other nurses notices my face is turning red, and next thing I know I’m excusing myself to the restroom.”

“You jerk off at work thinking about me?”

“Maybe.”

Dominic thumbed the waistband of his boxers. “Tell me what you think about while you’re jerking off at work, and these will be on the floor.”

Billy knew he had to be bright red by now, but his cock was far too hard for embarrassment to shut him up. “All kinds of things. You want to know if I think about you fucking me? Sure, I think about that. I’ll sneak off into the men’s room and lean against the wall of the stall and all I have to do is start thinking about… oh, just about anything with you.”

“You were talking about me fucking you,” Dominic reminded him, and from his voice he was almost close enough to touch.

“Umm… I usually think about the times when…”

“Just say it. If I have to do my homework, you have to do some too. Start confessing.”

“Fine. I think about the times when… when you pretty much just walk into the room and take what you want. Without asking, without discussing. I came home one evening and you were lurking in the kitchen, and I don’t know what you’d been up to all day, but I don’t think I got to say hello before I was up against the wall with your tongue in my mouth, and I don’t think I got to say much more than that before you whipped me around and shoved me up against the counter and told me to stay there… and I did. And next thing I know you’re back and my scrubs are around my ankles… I don’t think I’d even been fucked like that in my life. Good lord.”

Dominic smiled, and, true to his word, he let his jeans and boxers drop to the floor. “Want to know what I’d been up to all day that day? Thinking about you. All day. From the minute I woke up. Thinking about how I wanted to feel your ass around my cock. And thinking that I should ask you… and then thinking that maybe I shouldn’t ask you. And the more I thought about that, the more I wanted it…”

His knees were on the bed, and he was lowering himself over Billy, holding himself at arm’s length, staring down at him with eyes that could have burned holes in his skin.

“I’m going to fuck you like that right now.”

Billy could not think of any sort of response whatsoever to this, except to think that whatever Dominic was going to do, he needed to do it immediately, because he was so hard it was bordering on pain and those eyes were erasing any semblance of thought from his head. Then Dominic kissed him, if it could be called a kiss; it was more like being forcefully and intimately fucked with nothing but lips and tongues, and somehow in the midst of this he had managed to grope for the small bottle on the nightstand. His weight was heavy on Billy’s chest, one hand tangled tightly in Billy’s hair while the other slid between them and, hastily and without much accuracy, spread slickness over most of the places it was supposed to be.

“You want me?” he murmured, voice low and breathless.

“Fuck, yes, Dom… please…”

Dominic sat up and grasped Billy’s hips, yanking him into a better position, hands moving to his thighs, and then Billy found himself on his back with Dominic’s weight pressing his knees back toward his chest.

“Tell me you want this,” he said again.

“Dominic… damnit… yes...”

He was rewarded with Dominic slamming into him hard enough to make him shout, although he wasn’t sure what he said. Dominic stilled for a moment, and through his closed eyes Billy could feel those blue eyes watching him. Then he slid back and slammed in again, his fingers digging hard into Billy’s thighs, breathing hard. Billy writhed, trying to twist his hips to meet the thrusts at just the right angle, and Dominic muttered something that didn’t seem to matter much, because it didn’t change the relentless pace he was setting.

“Don’t stop…” he gasped.

“Fuck, no… not stopping… Billy… want you to come.”

Bily groaned and managed to get a hand between the two of them, wrapping his hand around his own cock. Dominic felt it and drove in harder, his hands shaking where they gripped Billy’s legs.

“Billy… now… please…”

“Yes,” Billy breathed, and he felt Dominic let go, muscles tightening, breath turning into a low, ragged moan, burying himself as deeply as he could, and Billy realized was so close already he probably almost didn’t need to touch himself; one or two slides of a slick, shaking hand and he was shouting Dominic’s name, or something that sounded vaguely like it, as he arched up against him, the force of the orgasm rocking his entire body and sending white light flashing behind his eyelids.

“Mph,” Dominic muttered, rolling them both until they were sprawled face to face on the bed, legs still tangled together.

“Where the hell did all that come from?” Billy asked, propping his head up on his elbow.

Dominic smirked. “Complaining?”

“Not likely. Just curious.”

“Did I forget to mention the other part of Ian’s homework assignment?”

“Seems you did.”

“I was given the assignment that at least once between now and my next session I would practice asking for what I wanted and being assertive and not being afraid of how you’d react.”

“Did he realize this was going to involve you fucking me half-senseless?”

“He probably figured that was likely to have something to do with it,” Dominc said, yawning.

“I think I’ve fallen in love with Ian. I think you should have appointments with him forever, if he’s going to keep telling you to do stuff like that.”

Dominic sniffed and wrinkled his nose. “You need a shower.”

“Gee, can’t image why.”

“If you’re going to blame the sex, it’s a lie. I worked harder than you and I don’t stink. You smell like three straight double shifts. Go get a shower.”

“What are you going to do?” Billy asked, as Dominic sat up and reached for his T-shirt.

“I’m going to bake that pie before you eat all those fucking strawberries.”

“I’m not going to eat your fucking strawberries.”

“Wouldn’t put it past you for a second. Besides, once they’re in a pie you’re allowed to eat them.”

Billy grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. “What difference does it make if I eat them before or after they’re in a pie?”

Dominic raised an eyebrow, the dark kohl slightly smudged and if possible even more attractive.

“The difference is that if you leave them alone till I’ve made a pie, there’ll be whipped cream with the pie, and then there might be whipped cream on certain other things too. If you eat them before I get to make a pie out of them, you’re going to have to find out if you can lick whipped cream off your own cock, because I’ll be mad and you’ll be shit out of luck.”

He pulled on his jeans and strolled toward the bedroom door.

“Dom?”

He glanced over his shoulder. “Yeah?”

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

 “Not sure if I believe you, but Ian says I have to try.”

“Yeah, well… keep trying, okay?”

Dominic smiled slightly. “I will.”


	5. Holding Together

The smell of cookies filled the apartment and wafted out into the hall as soon as Billy opened the door. Still in his scrubs and hungry after a busy shift with no time for more than a bag of pretzels for sustenance, he kicked off his shoes and made his way into the kitchen, where rows of gingersnaps sat cooling on wire racks on the kitchen table. Dominic, spatula in hand and carefully disengaging the fresh-from-the-oven batch of cookies from the tray, gave him a warning look.

“Hands off. They’re for Miranda’s birthday.”

“She’s not going to eat that many cookies,” Billy said, sidestepping toward the table.

Dominic set down his spatula and crossed his arms. Billy took a moment to appreciate the old work jeans and the way the abused denim fit closely to every angle and line, and the faded gray t-shirt worn so thin that he could trace the lines of Dominic’s chest through it; despite Dominic’s complaints that he would become a fat slob if Billy kept insisting on him eating, the younger man had only recently managed to reach something beyond worrisomely thin, and Billy loved it, and never missed an opportunity to say so. At the moment, though there were warm, fragrant cookies spread all across the table, and his stomach was growling.

“Bugger off,” Dominic warned, half-smiling as he stepped between Billy and the cookies.

“Aww… just a few?”

“You won’t eat just a few. You’ll eat… oof!”

Billy made his move for the cookies. Dominic laughed and ducked in front of him, spreading his arms as Billy tried to reach around him. For a moment it was hard to decide whether having himself pressed full-length against Dominic was worth being side-tracked, but Dominic’s determined attempts to fight for his baked goods was too entertaining. He made another lunge, this time around the side of the table, and Dominic was a step behind him. Billy nearly had his hand on a cookie before Dominic shoved himself between them again, this time with his back to Billy and his arms outstretched protectively. Once again, Billy was slightly distracted, this time by Dominic’s ass in his threadbare jeans pressed to the front of Billy’s scrubs, but he decided to make one last attempt and shoved forward, reaching over Dominic’s shoulder.

His fingers had almost made contact with a cookie before he felt Dominic go rigid against him, and in an instant it clicked in Billy’s head what he’d unthinkingly done, but in the same instant Dominic’s shoulder was slamming into his chest, driving him back against the wall of the kitchen, a fist connecting with the side of his head and leaving him reeling, and then he was alone in the kitchen.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. He forgot, occasionally, how easy it was to fuck things up with Dominic; how many things might set off something in his head and how many times Billy seemed to do it without thinking about it. He rubbed the side of his head, thinking to himself that it was a good thing Dominic had been already backing off when he swung, because the younger man was stronger than he looked and had a fighter’s reflexes and he could have knocked Billy flat out if he’d caught him properly.

He realized, after a minute, that he hadn’t heard the apartment door slam.

That was always the sound he heard when Dominic was angry or frustrated or had been pushed too far by something. Even though he usually either came home a few hours later or ended up at Karl’s, Billy was of the opinion that two stays in the intensive care unit was more than enough, and he always spent the time between that door slam and Dominic’s return or a message from Karl waiting for a call from the emergency department. He was fairly sure that after last time, there wouldn’t be a stay in the ICU; he’d seen enough repeat suicide attempts come through the emergency department to know that Dominic was the kind who only fucked it up once; the second time they did a proper job of it and usually came in DOA.

Still rubbing the side of his head to ease the pounding, he straightened up from the wall, wincing at the soreness in his chest, and made his way cautiously into the living room. He looked around for a minute before he found Dominic sitting against the wall by the door, head resting on his knees.

“Dom?”

Dominic refused to look at him. “I’m sorry, Billy.”

Billy exhaled and stepped closer, crouching down to look him in the face. “It’s all right.”

“It’s not all right. I punched you in the face.”

Billy smiled. “No. Sorry to break it to you. You just got me in the side of the head. All bone up there. Barely hurt at all.”

“There was no reason to punch you at all.”

Billy rocked back on his heels. “Yeah, there was. I wasn’t thinking, but I should have… should have realized that would remind you of…”

Dominic shuddered and looked at the floor. “Yeah.”

“I’d never do anything on purpose to make you remember…”

“Remembering’s not so much the thing, Billy,” he said, his voice barely audible. “It’s the actually going back there that’s a bitch.”

Billy reached out and brushed Dominic’s hair out of his eyes, relieved when he didn’t flinch or jerk away.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been fucking around like that…”

“You ought to be able to fuck around and not have to worry about me losing it and punching you in the head.”

Billy rubbed his shoulder. “It’s all right.”

Dominic shook his head, but took the hand Billy offered and let himself be hauled to his feet, studying Billy for a moment before reaching up to carefully touch the side of his head.

“You’re going to have a bruise there. And a lump.”

“Yeah, well… I’ll live.”

“Yeah, and what are you going to tell people at work? That I punched you? Makes it sound like you’re a domestic violence victim.”

Billy laughed. “I’ll tell them I ran into the doorknob bending down to put my pants on in the morning.”

Dominic looked at him suspiciously. “They’d believe that?”

“Orlando’s seen me do it at work,” Billy said, keeping his voice light, watching Dominic’s face as the wariness and alarm began to ease. “Laughed his ass off. Made me walk around with any ice pack on my head the rest of the shift.”

Dominic half-smiled. “Thinks he’s fucking hilarious, Orlando does.”

“Oh, it’s worse now,” Billy said. “Now that he’s getting laid all the time and thinks Karl’s some kind of porn star, he’s constantly dropping all these not-very-subtle hints about all the amazing sex he’s having and hoping I’ll ask him about it. Dr. Mortensen finally said something the other day about safe sex with Orlando requiring a condom and a set of ear plugs to drown out the constant yapping, and Orlando heard him, and he’s been sulking since then.”

Now Dominic did laugh, a genuine laugh, and the tension Billy didn’t realize he’d been holding in his shoulders started to slip away.

“Should we go back in the kitchen and finish up with your cookies? I promise I won’t eat more than three or four.”

Dominic shook his head, and suddenly he was serious again, but Billy couldn’t read what was behind his eyes. “That was the last batch on the tray. They’re all done. I wanted to show you something…”

“All right.”

He motioned to the couch, and Billy sat down, Dominic lowering himself into the recliner across from him. Billy noticed the newspaper scattered across the coffee table, but kept his eyes on Dominic.

“What’s up?”

“Ian called me while you were at work.”

“Ian called you? What for? Didn’t you just see him a couple of days ago.”

“Yeah. But he knows I never read the newspaper… not except the headlines when I’m waiting at the cash register at the grocery store… or watch the news, or any of that. And he said he wanted me to hear about it from him before I heard it somewhere else, from someone who didn’t know…”

“Heard what, Dom?” Billy asked, uneasy, but Dominic’s voice, while serious, was still calm.

Dominic nodded at the newspaper.

“What? All I see is the sports page and some ads for bra and panty sales, and I don’t think either of us will look good in lingerie.”

Dominic rolled his eyes and shoved some of the pages away, picking up what appeared to be one of the first few pages of the front section, where what passed for actual news was usually found. He slid a page across the table, and Billy picked it up and scanned the headlines.

DEPUTY SHERIFF, THREE OTHERS ARRESTED IN DEATH OF LOCAL TEEN

He froze, looking up at Dominic, who was watching him intently, blue eyes sharp and reading his expression carefully.

“Read the article.”

“Dom, is that…”

“Yeah. It’s him. Just read it.”

Billy wasn’t sure he wanted to, but he did. The article wasn’t long, and there wasn’t much in the way of detail, but knowing what he knew, Billy was fairly certain he already knew most of what wasn’t written in the newsprint.

“They were doing the same thing to this kid that they did to you,” Billy murmured, setting the paper down, hands suddenly unsteady.

Dominic nodded slowly. “Yeah. Doesn’t say how he ended up there, but I’m pretty sure I know. Same way I did. Doubt I was the first one… pretty clear I wasn’t the last one.”

Billy rubbed his forehead, feeling ill. “This kid was only sixteen.”

“Yeah,” Dominic said quietly. “Ian knew more about it than the paper says. He interviews victims of crimes for the police and things like that, so he knows some people there. He said the neighbor heard screaming the night before and called the cops, but nobody came out… of course not. He’s one of their own. I guess she kept calling the next morning asking why no one had come to see about the screaming, and they finally sent somebody out to talk to the guy, just to shut the neighbor up, and when he wouldn’t come to the door they got worried and busted it in, and they found him and his buddies trying to wrap a dead kid up in the living room rug.”

“Fuck,” Billy murmured.

“Yeah.”

“What… they killed him?”

“I doubt they killed him on purpose,” Dominic said, leaning back to look at the ceiling. “Just used him a little harder than the other ones, or made a mistake. Having a dead body in his house is a major problem… if I was alive when he dumped me off and then died on a park bench, it’s not his problem anymore.”

Billy could only sit with his eyes drifting between the newspaper article and Dominic, whose gaze stayed fixed on the ceiling, unreadable.

“Dom? Are you all right?”

“Yeah. Seem to be.”

He lowered his head and the face that met Billy’s were unexpectedly calm.

“I don’t know if I ought to be happy the fuckers finally got caught at their game, or pissed off that they’ve been doing it this whole time, or upset about this kid who’s dead… not sure how I ought to feel about any of it.”

“I think… you ought to feel however you feel, and if that’s nothing, that’s fine,” Billy said carefully.

Dominic glanced down at the newspaper, then looked back up at Billy through a fringe of untidy hair and dark eyelashes, something intent and slightly wild shifting in his eyes.

“What?” Billy asked, shifting uneasily; when those blue eyes darkened with that intensely focused stare, there was something going on in Dominic’s head, and when that stare was directed at Billy, it was a pretty sure bet that he was what was going on in Dominic’s head, in one way or another.

When Dominic didn’t answer him, he felt hairs rising on the back of his neck.

“What’s that look for?” he asked again.

“One thing I know I feel…”

“What’s that?”

“I feel… alive. Extremely alive. Like someone else isn’t, but I am, and I want to…”

He paused for a moment, thinking.

“I want to take you to bed and prove to myself exactly how fucking alive I am.”

Billy swallowed hard. Not that he ever said no to sex with Dominic, and he wasn’t sure who would, but that dark intensity in Dominic’s eyes tended to mean that there was something a little bit disturbing behind them. Dominic took that dark energy out in different ways, whether it was storming out of the apartment or finding something to break or drinking till it went away, but Billy wasn’t quite certain he wanted it taken out on his body.

Dominic caught the hesitation, but his eyes stayed fixed on Billy’s.

“You promised you’d never hurt me, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I promise I’ll never hurt you,” he said, standing up. “Come to bed, Billy.”

Billy rose silently, allowing Dominic to grasp him by the wrists and pull him toward the bedroom. Part of his brain considered pulling back, and he could feel tension tightening the muscles of his neck and back, but Dominic’s grip was firm, and Billy really wasn’t sure if he wanted to test it right now; he wasn’t completely sure Dominic would let go, and if that was the case, he didn’t want to know.

He drew Billy into the bedroom, closing the door behind them, and for the second time in an hour Billy found himself slammed back against the wall, but this time Dominic’s entire body was pressed against his, pinning him in place while Dominic kissed him hard enough to bang his head back against the wall, demanding, almost desperate. Billy yielded, letting Dominic deepen the kiss, claiming him, bruising his lips with the pressure of their mouths against each other. Dominic ground his hips against him, and Billy exhaled sharply to feel through the threadbare denim of Dominic’s jeans that he was just about as hard as it was possible to be, pressing forcefully into Billy’s lower abdomen. Dominic’s hands had found the hem of his shirt and was tugging it upwards, breaking the kiss only long enough to get Billy’s shirt off, then his own, before slamming Billy back again to reclaim his mouth.

“Fuck… Dom…” Billy managed to speak.

Dominic pulled back just enough to meet Billy’s eyes. “Yeah.”

“I just…”

Dominic kissed him again, hands moving to the waist of Billy’s scrubs. “I like these. They come off easy.”

In a moment, the scrubs were tossed aside, and Dominic spun Billy forcefully away from the wall and toward the bed, taking advantage of Billy’s sprawled position to pull off his socks and throw them into the corner, leaving nothing between them but Dominic’s jeans and the heat of their bodies, although Billy felt a chill run up his spine; Dominic’s eyes still had that fiery intensity to them, unreadable, unyielding. Dominic kept him fixed with that gaze as he dropped his jeans and shorts, kicked them away, and stepped toward the bed.

“Dom…” Billy managed again, and this time there must have been something in his voice that got through, because Dominic finally blinked and seemed to come back to himself somewhat. He pressed Billy back against the bed, but this time more gently, and the kiss was softer before Dominic’s mouth moved to trace and lick soothingly at his throat and shoulders.

“Shh. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You didn’t scare me,” Billy said, not sure whether or not he was lying.

“I just… fuck. I need… I don’t know why I’m alive and that kid off in the morgue somewhere isn’t, but I am… I need to be…”

Billy arched up and kissed him. “Need to feel alive?”

“Yeah,” he murmured, biting at Billy’s chest just above the nipple. “Need to prove it. To myself.”

Billy felt the tension in his muscles unwinding. “Yeah? Therapy fucking, hmm?”

“Something like that,” Dominic said, and Billy realized there was still something dark and wild and slightly dangerous behind his eyes, but his hands were gentle now as the moved over him, tracing long lines with open palms from his ribs down his sides, over his hips, to slide under and grip his ass hard enough to make him gasp and jerk up against Dominic.

“Roll over, Billy.”

Dominic’s voice was hot and commanding against cheek before he drew back. Billy found himself reluctant to obey, part of him still resisting turning his back on whatever was going on behind Dominic’s blue eyes, but he did anyway.

“On your knees,” he murmured, and Billy could hear that he was sitting back a bit, watching him, but he pressed his face to his crossed arms on the mattress, waiting. After a moment, he felt hands come to rest on the back of his neck, then move in a smooth, gentle slide between his shoulder blades, down his spine, over his hips.

“Relax, Billy. I’m not going to do anything…”

Billy nodded, trying to will himself to relax. He heard the end table drawer open, heard Dominic rummaging around in it until he found what he was looking for, and then Dominic’s hands were on his hips, Dominic’s slick cock pressing against him until he exhaled slowly and let himself relax and let him in.

“Fuck, yes…” Dominic whispered.

Billy didn’t have an answer; he was focused on shifting his knees to ease Dominic’s slide into him, until their bodies were pressed together. Billy could hear Dominic’s unsteady breathing, feel his hands shaking where they rested on Billy’s hips.

“It’s all right, Dom… I’m all right.”

It seemed that was the permission Dominic needed to cut loose whatever had been lurking there since he’d handed Billy the newspaper article; he shifted his weight, took a solid grip on Billy’s hips, and set up a relentless pounding rhythm, rocking Billy forward so hard he had to extend his arms to brace himself against the impact; Dominic’s hips hitting his ass with each thrust with the force of a blow, fingers digging into his skin. It took a long minute for Billy to realize that he was as hard as Dominic, that he was rocking back to meet each impact, almost demanding it. Dominic was telling him something, but either his words were incoherent or Billy was beyond processing what they meant, and then Dominic was gripping him tightly, burying himself, words falling apart into low, breathless moans.

He slumped against Billy, but only for a moment; then he was grabbing at him and forcefully rolling him onto his back, and then his mouth and hands were busy on Billy’s desperate cock, dragging him almost immediately over the edge, grasping at a handful of Dominic’s hair as he came, stunned by the intensity of his own orgasm.

Slumped together in tangled sheets, both breathing hard, they sprawled for a while in breathless silence.

“Are you all right?” Dominic asked quietly.

“Fuck… I think so. I’ll tell you when my brain comes back from wherever it’s gone to.”

Dominic rolled against him and kissed his cheek. “I didn’t hurt you?”

“No, Dom,” he said, managing to mobilize one hand enough to raise it to stroke Dominic’s hair as the younger man pressed his face against Billy’s shoulder. “I’m fine. I’m… shit. I don’t quite know what to call it. Definitely okay, though.”

He was astonished to realize that Dominic was shaking; his face against Billy’s shoulder left hot tears against his skin.

“Dominic…” he said, shocked, reaching out to pull him closer. Dominic buried his face even deeper in the hollow of Billy’s shoulder, letting himself be held, letting Billy stroke his hair and wrap his arms around him as he shuddered, trying to hold back sobs.

“It’s all right… Dom, it’s all right…”

Finally, Dominic took a long, shuddering breath and slumped against Billy, calmer now, but still trembling. Billy rubbed his shoulder.

“Hey… talk to me. Please, Dom.”

Dominic sighed unsteadily. “It’s not fair.”

“What’s not?”

“Any of it. That those fucking bastards could just keep finding stupid kids to do that to. That one of those kids is dead… and I know how he died because I thought that’s how I was going to die… except I woke up, and I fucking hurt, but I was alive… and didn’t. And it’s not fair that they’ve been doing this… they kept doing this… how many other ones do you think there are?”

“It doesn’t matter, Dom. I only care about one of them.”

“This kid is dead, though…”

“Shh. I know. But you didn’t kill him. That guy was a deputy sheriff. Nothing you said or did was going to make any difference. Shit. They had to actually catch him wrapping a fucking dead body up in his carpet to actually pin anything on him.”

“Maybe it should have been me.”

Billy shuddered. “Don’t say shit like that.”

Dominic drew back enough to meet Billy’s eyes. “Could have been me. More than once. If you hadn’t found me… and all you’ve been doing since then is fixing me when I fuck myself up.”

“Yeah,” Billy said quietly. “But it doesn’t matter.”

“What do you mean, it doesn’t matter?”

“It doesn’t matter because I love you and you’re here, and that’s the only part that matters to me. And those guys… they’re not getting out of it this time, Dom. There’s no good explanation for why you had a dead, drugged teenager in your apartment. They’re going down for this.”

“Yeah.”

Billy kissed his cheek. “You’re not the same person you were then.”

“Sometimes I’m afraid I am, and I’m just fooling you, and one of these days you’re going to figure it out.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about that.”

“No? Why not?”

“Because even if I woke up one day and found out you weren’t the guy I’m in love with, you’d still be the guy who’s fucking insanely good in bed.”

Dominic snorted. “Is that so?”

“Pretty sure, yeah.”

“Is that all I’m good for?”

“Definitely not. You’re a pretty damn good cook, too, and if you left I’d be stuck eating takeout Chinese food six or seven days a week.”

“So, sex and food.”

“Among other things.”

Dominic managed to smile slightly. “Good to know I can be of some use.”

Billy kissed him gently. “You’re going to be all right, you know.”

Dominic shook his head. “I don’t know about that.”

“I do.”

“I wish I was as sure as you are.”

“Then just let me believe it for both of us for now, okay?”

Dominic nodded. “Okay.”

Billy waited until Dominic’s even breathing and slack muscles told him he had dozed off before slipping out of bed, pulling on some shorts, and making his way into the living room to find his cell phone.

“Craig?”

“Billy? What’s up? You at work?”

“No. I’m at home.”

“Hmm. You’re calling the county morgue from home? Checking up on one of your former patients?”

Billy rolled his eyes; he avoided the morgue staff when he could; the ones that weren’t distinctly odd tended to be assholes.

“No. I’m calling about the teenage homicide victim that was in the paper today.”

Craig cleared his throat. “Can’t discuss a homicide investigation in progress.”

“Look. There’s stuff about this case that’s going to end up on the evening news eventually, and I need to know about it before then.”

“What do you want to know?”

“I want to know how he died.”

Silence for a moment. “You know it’s being treated as a homicide.”

“Craig, I want to know the details.”

Another long moment of silence, and this time Billy could almost hear the echoes of the empty morgue behind Craig at the other end of the phone.

“No, Billy, you don’t.”

“Is it that bad?”

“Yeah. It’s that bad.”

“Look, there’s somebody who needs to be prepared to hear some of this shit before it starts showing up on the front page of the papers. I need to know.”

Craig sighed. “Fine. You asked for it. Cause of death is undetermined. The kid either asphyxiated from being gagged too tightly, stopped breathing from an overdose of some kind of central nervous system depressant, or went into hypovolemic shock from dehydration and blood loss. Would have become confused, agitated, and then lost consciousness. Any or all of the above. Ligature marks on the wrists indicate he’d been tied there for at least a day or two. Severe contusions across most of the body. Anything else you want to know, Billy?”

“No,” he said quietly. “That’s enough. They going to be able to pin this on these fuckers?”

“Unless they can come up with a really good reason why a dead kid covered with bruises and ligature marks and bleeding from his rectum was rolled up in their living room carpet, probably, yeah.”

“All right. Thanks, Craig.”

“No problem. This doesn’t have something to do with that kid who’s living with you, does it, Billy?”

“That’s none of your fucking business, Craig.”

“Yeah. That’s what I thought. See you next time you’ve got a corpse to bring down.”

Billy laid the phone down and climbed back into bed. Dominic yawned and half-smiled at him.

“Hey… who were you talking to?”

“Just calling work to make sure they didn’t need me tonight. Dr. Bean says they’ve got plenty of staff, so it’s just me and you. Want to get something delivered for dinner, and that way we can spent most of the rest of the day right where we are?”

“All the delivery places around here are shit,” Dominic muttered, already dozing back off.

Billy stretched out next to him, one hand absently stroking up and down his back, and wondered to himself if what he’d said was true, whether Dominic was ever going to be all right.

“I suppose at least one of us has to believe it,” he murmured, glancing over at the younger man. “Otherwise, I think we’re both fucked.”

 

The jangling of the phone interrupting their sleep made Dominic mutter and swat at it, thinking it was the alarm clock. Billy knew what it was and hesitated to answer it, but if the emergency department was calling him in the middle of the night, they had to be in dire straits.

“We’re already packed and we’ve got two gunshot wounds from a fight downtown and at least five incoming traumas from a pileup… truck driver dozed off and crossed the center line,” Liv said, and Billy could hear the stress in her voice.

“Yeah, I’m there. Give me twenty minutes.”

“ETA on those motor vehicle traumas is fifteen minutes. Get your ass in gear.”

Billy sighed and hung up the phone. Dominic was awake now, blue eyes bright in the dark bedroom, looking at him curiously.

“Work?”

“Yeah. They’ve got a couple of bad messes and Liv is having a breakdown.”

“Liv doesn’t need to get any crazier than she already is,” Dominic muttered, yawning. “How long will you be there?”

“I don’t know. I’m not supposed to be on tomorrow till third shift, so I’m hoping if I can help hold down the fort till day shift shows up, I can come home and wake your ass up and make you cook me breakfast.”

“Mmm. Fuck off,” he said, swatting lazily at Billy as he climbed out of bed and groped for his scrubs.

Liv hadn’t been exaggerating; the emergency department waiting room was overflowing with patients, and every trauma bay had at least one bloody patient and an assortment of harried nurses and residents working over them. Liv spotted him as soon as he walked in.

“There you are! Shit! Took you long enough!”

“Nice to see you too. And you’re welcome.”

She managed a smile, brushing dark hair out of her eyes. “Thank you, Billy. We’re swamped. Go help Orlando… he’s got the worst of the motor vehicle traumas and he’s got his hands full.”

Orlando looked up and grinned in relief as Billy stepped up next to him at the table.

“Hey. Glad you’re here. I need more hands. He’s got several compound fractures of the lower legs, but he’s got a good pulse in both feet, and ortho will be in to take him into surgery for those. He’s got a head injury but he’s been talking and seems to be oriented… knows where he is, knows how he got here, knows he doesn’t appreciate the nurses sticking IV’s in him… probably a nice enough guy when he doesn’t have two severely broken legs. Problem I’ve got right now is he’s got a hemothorax… I don’t think he’s got any major internal injuries, but I need a chest tube in there.”

Billy nodded, reaching for a thoracostomy kit. “Right. Cat scan?”

“He’s far down the list… got a couple of gunshot wounds and a head trauma going first… but I think he’ll stop bleeding on his own once we get that lung re-inflated. If we can get him oxygenating properly and stable, we can pass him off to ortho and let them worry about him from there.”

Three hours later, both gunshot victims were off for surgery, the motor vehicle traumas either in the operating room, up to intensive care, or, in the case of one lucky young woman and her toddler, allowed to go home after their minor scuffs and bruises were assessed. Orlando finally flopped down on one of the couches in the break room and motioned for Billy to join him.

“Hey, thanks for coming in.”

“No problem.”

“What the hell happened to your head?”

Billy raised his hand and cursed inwardly; he hadn’t realized the lump had grown that large. “Banged my head on the edge of the dresser.”

“Did you,” Dr. Mortensen said, his lean frame stretched out across the doorway.

“Yeah. Hurt like hell, too.”

“Mmm-hmm. Looks more like somebody punched you in the head.”

Orlando glanced at Billy and raised an eyebrow. “What’s up, Bills?”

Dr. Mortensen’s eyes flicked to the newspaper on the coffee table. “I thought it might have been a rough day at your house. Depending on who in your house reads the paper.”

“What’s in the…”

“Go check on the lady with abdominal pain Liv was working on,” Dr. Mortensen said.

“She doesn’t need me,” Orlando protested. “She’s been here before. She’s fucking constipated. She’ll shit and we’ll send her home.”

“Well,” Dr. Mortensen said, his face still serious, “go and see if she’s shit yet.”

Orlando dragged himself out of the break room, swearing under his breath.

“Vocabulary’s  broadened a bit since he met Karl,” Billy observed.

“Did Dominic punch you in the head?”

Damn, Billy thought. Dr. Mortensen had no intention of letting this go. “It was an accident. Well, not really an accident, but… I don’t think he knew it was me. You know he has flashbacks…”

Dr. Mortensen flipped through the paper to the article Dominic had showed Billy earlier that day. “EMS brought the kid here yesterday afternoon… they never got a pulse or respiration back on him, but he was still warm, so they figured it was worth a try. Same pattern of injuries we found on Dominic when he was in here that once night before you met him, except worse. Same ligature marks on the wrists, same bruising… even some of the same implements used to inflict them, from the looks of it. Same pattern of…”

“Yeah, I get it. He saw the article. He knows these are the same guys that did that to him, if that’s what you’re getting at. And yeah, that probably had something to do with why he went off so fast earlier when I wasn’t expecting it. But…”

“That’s not what I was getting at,” Dr. Mortensen interrupted. “At least not all of it.”

Billy raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, when we had Dominic in here, officially it was public intoxication and dehydration, and we were just basically letting him sleep it off. Those injuries were old enough there wasn’t much we could do to treat them at that point… but I did have Liv document them. Very thoroughly , with photos.”

“He doesn’t know that, does he.”

“I tried to talk to him about the injuries before we released him, but he was… uncooperative.”

“So what difference does it make?”

“It means,” Dr. Mortensen said, as if speaking to a nice but rather confused old man, “that there’s documented physical evidence of injuries inflicted on him consistent with the ones on that kid… and that means that if he wanted to testify against them, it wouldn’t just be his word against theirs… there would be hospital records and photographic evidence to back him up.”

Billy frowned. “I don’t know if he wants that being dragged in front of a courtroom and a jury… he doesn’t even know those records exist, and as far as I know Ian and I are the only ones he’s even considered talking about it with.”

“It may not have to go in front of a courtroom and a jury,” Dr. Mortensen said. “You really think these guys want a full-out trial with media coverage and cameras in the courtroom broadcasting pictures of the forensic evidence off this dead kid’s body on the evening news? They’re fucked and they know it… especially since the kid was underage. They could go all the way to first degree murder when they charge them, but they’re going to be looking for a plea bargain… probably looking to bargain it down to something like kidnapping and sexual assault on a minor, and if that’s all, they’re not doing to do much time.”

“So you think if Dominic and the evidence from him gets added to the pot…”

“If he’s willing to identify them as the ones who did those things, and testify at least in a closed hearing with the judge about what happened, it proves that they had a pattern, that they’d done this before, and that it wasn’t just some kind of game that got out of control. Proves they’d brought people back there before and done the same thing to them. Makes it look an awful lot like a premeditated crime. Makes it an awful lot harder for their defense lawyers to keep them from ending up serving a lot of prison time.”

Billy nodded slowly. “I’ll talk to him. I know he’d like to see them get what they deserve…”

“Let me know what he decides. I’ll testify to the nature of his injuries and their similarity to the ones on the murder victim, but it’s not going to mean anything unless Dominic is going to stand up and identify those guys as the ones responsible.”

Billy sighed and rubbed at the lump on his head. “Dragging him through that is likely to undo everything that’s gotten better in the last few months…”

“Has it really gotten better?” Dr. Mortensen asked, eyes on Billy with enough intensity to make him look away. “Or has the elephant in the room just gotten easier to ignore?”

“He’s working with Ian…”

“See what Ian thinks he should do.”

Billy nodded. Dr. Mortensen shrugged his shoulders.  “Up to you two. But if you come in here again with a bruise like that, Billy, I’m going to start asking questions. People who have been hurt… sometimes, because they’re in pain, they hurt themselves. And sometimes, they hurt the people who are trying to help them. I’m not going to watch you stand in front of that.”

He stepped out of the break room, leaving Billy slumped and drained on the couch.

His cell phone rang. 4:30AM? Fuck. No one called him at 4:30AM unless something bad had happened….

“Dom?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

Billy exhaled. “Are you okay? What the fuck are you calling me for? You scared the shit out of me.”

“What are you wearing?”

Billy froze, his brain forced to make a complete 180 degree turn in the blink of an eye. “I… _what_? What am I _wearing_?”

“Yes, Billy. What are you wearing?”

“I’m wearing filthy, blood-covered scrubs, you daft bastard. What the fuck did you think I’d be wearing?”

The voice on the other end of the line was pitched in a way that sent knots twining through Billy’s lower abdomen and a chill up his spine.

“That’s what I figured. You’ll have to take them off as soon as you get home, won’t you.”

“Probably, yes.”

“Mmm-hmm. And then you’ll be naked.”

“Fuck, Dominic,” Billy murmured, glancing toward the break room door and wishing it had a lock on it.

“I’ll still be in bed. Naked. And warm. And half asleep. And very relaxed.”

Billy swallowed hard. “Is that so?”

“That’s right. And I figure that would be just about the perfect time for you to come home and roll me over and fuck me… nice and slow, after all, since you’ve had a long night…”

Billy’s hand moved to pull his top down over the rapidly growing tent in his scrubs. “Yeah?”

“Very slow, I’m thinking. Make it last all morning. Shut off the phones and forget about breakfast and fuck me till both of us are seeing stars…”

“I think you’d better stop there, Dom.”

“No way. I’m too busy thinking.”

“About what?”

“About what your hands feel like when they grab my hair when you come.”

“Fuck,” Billy moaned, glancing at the break room door again. “You’re going to either kill me or get me fired.”

“Or just get you off,” he answered, that voice low and rough and full of desire. “Have you got your hand on yourself yet?”

“Yes… damnit… although someone’s going to walk in here any…”

“Imagine it’s my mouth instead of your hand.”

The image slapped most of what was left of Billy’s resistance out of his head as he grasped himself inside his loose scrubs. “Yeah…”

“That’s right. And while my mouth is on you, you know what my hands are doing?”

Billy made a soft, desperate noise.

“Hmm. One of them is grabbing your ass, because damn, Billy, I fucking love your ass… and the other one is making sure I’m all nice and slick, so when you’re right on the edge, I can stop and make you wait, just because I want to feel you come inside me…”

“Fuck,” Billy gasped, arching up off the couch as his rapidly moving hand took him over the edge. For a moment he could do nothing but slump back against the couch, stars dancing in front of his eyes, holding the phone slackly against his face.

“I can hear it when you come,” Dominic said, and Billy could hear the smirk in his voice. “I’m going to wait, though. I’m going to stay here in bed with a pounding hard-on and wait for you to come take care of it for me.”

Billy groped for a tissue from the box on the table and attempted to clean himself up. “You’re lucky these scrubs were already covered with body fluids, you bastard.”

“Tell Liv it’s about time for you to head home. You don’t want me to get bored and have to take care of myself, do you?”

Goddamnit; the image of Dominic slowly working himself to completion with his hand while Billy watched slammed through his head and nearly made him forget what he was saying.

“I’m going to clean up and sign out now. They’re done with me.”

“I’m not.”

“Yeah, so I hear,” Billy said, grabbing another tissue. “I’ll be home in less than half an hour.”

“Hmm. I can _probably_ wait that long.”

“You’d better, you little fucking tease.”

Dominic laughed, and Billy was about to hit the button to disconnect the call when he heard Dominic’s voice again.

“Billy?”

“What?”

“I love you.”

His phone beeped as Dominc hung up.

He staggered down the hall to the nurses’ station to sign himself out, cursing to himself when he found Orlando there, chatting with one of the younger, prettier nurses. If only the girls always chasing him around knew he spent his nights getting fucked out of his head by a big Aussie pimp…

“Billy,” he said, stepping away from the counter and motioning for him to follow. Billy rolled his eyes.

“What?”

“Dr. Mortensen right about that? The lump on your had?”

“None of your fucking business, Orlando.”

“I just want to know…”

“Leave it alone, Orlando, or I’ll give you one like it, and then I’ll tell all these cute nurses how much you like Karl’s big cock.”

Orlando flushed bright red, but grinned. “All right, all right.”

“Just leave it. It’ll be all right.”

Orlando cocked his head. “You sure, Billy?”

“Yes,” he lied. “Now, stop asking me fucking questions.”

“Two more.”

“Fine,” Billy said impatiently.

“Okay, number one… is it worth it?”

Billy frowned. “What?”

“Dominic. Being with him. Is it worth it… all of it?”

“Yeah. It is. What’s question two?”

“Is that a cum stain on the front of your scrubs?”

“Fuck off, Orlando,” he muttered, grabbing for a pen and signing himself off the list. “You’re just jealous.”

“Oh, yeah. Because obviously I can’t jerk off at work too, if I wanted to.”

“Yeah, but I’ll bet Karl doesn’t talk nearly as nice over the phone as Dom does,” Billy said, smirking. “Hard to jerk off to, ‘Hey, Orlando… lay down and shut up and give me the lube.”

Orlando glanced nervously at the nurses. “Okay, okay. You win.”

Billy smiled, grabbed his jacket off the hook behind the counter, and walked out into the gray early morning, heading home. 


	6. Glue

Billy laid his head down on his arms and yawned. Across the break room table, Orlando prodded the disintegrated remnants of a tomato on a very soggy-looking sandwich.

“This was a perfectly good sandwich fourteen hours ago,” he lamented.

Billy glanced up. “When did you buy it?”

“Fifteen hours ago, on my way in here. This is the first break I’ve had since.”

Billy rubbed his eyes. “Got you beat. Going on eighteen hours. I don’t know why half the city has to become even stupider than usual just when summer rolls around and all the staff take vacations.”

“I’m the junior resident,” Orlando sulked. “I don’t get a vacation.”

“Is this your first summer working in the emergency department?”

“Yeah.”

“Amazing, isn’t it?”

Orlando rolled his eyes. “You mean the guy earlier who was in anaphylactic shock after he shot at a hornet’s nest with a spray gun… knowing he’s allergic to hornets? Or the drunk who tried to use his motorcycle as a jet ski and rode it into the lake? Or the kid with the skull fracture who was trying out his homemade skateboard ramp? Or the girl with the massive sunburn from falling asleep tanning naked in her yard?”

“Missed that one.”

“Nice tits,” Orlando mused. “Pity they looked more like tomatoes. She’ll be peeling like a snake in a few days.”

“Maybe ladies shouldn’t be laying out with their private bits exposed,” Billy observed.

“Hey, now! Let’s not let one unfortunate incident ruin the fun for everybody…”

The handle on the break room door turned, and both of them jumped, sure it was a harried Liv or an irritable Dr. Mortensen coming to find out where they’d disappeared to.

The door cracked open, and Dominic looked in, grinning when he spotted Billy.

“Heard I might find you here.”

He stepped into the room, and Billy had to take a moment to let his eyes go from the dark blue jeans that fit quite nicely over the hips, to the white button-up shirt, untucked, with just a few buttons undone at the collar, to the rolled-up sleeves exposing a black leather band on each wrist, to the spiked sandy hair and the blue eyes electric with just a trace of black kohl to highlight them. Billy blinked and tried to think of a logical and non-sex-related reason Dominic would be here in the middle of the night dressed like that, knowing perfectly well that him being there in the middle of the night dressed like that was going to cause all kinds of very sex-related things to go on in Billy’s head.

“Dominic!” Orlando exclaimed, with exaggerated enthusiasm. “We’re not used to seeing you around here unless you’re in a hospital bed with an IV in your arm.”

“Orlando, is it?” Dominic asked, eyes narrowing. “Go fuck yourself with something sharp.”

“Don’t,” Billy said, not sure which one he was talking to.

“Whatever,” Orlando said, standing up. “We look out for our friends around here, and if Billy comes in here with any more bruises…”

“I fucking told you those were accidents, Orlando!” Billy snapped.

“We don’t believe you,” Orlando said, glancing over his shoulder on his way to the door. “You hurt him, Dominic, and there’s plenty of people here who will make sure it’s the last time you do.”

He closed the door behind him. Dominic stared blankly after him.

“Dom…” Billy said.

Dominic turned, blue eyes wide and stunned; he couldn’t have looked more shocked if Orlando had slapped him.

“Don’t worry about it,” Billy said quickly, standing.

“What the fuck did he mean?” Dominic demanded. “Is that what they think? That I fucking hit you? That I hurt you?”

“They don’t know, Dom,” Billy said, seeing Dominic’s face tighten as understanding set in. “They don’t know none of those things were your fault; they weren’t…”

“Is that what they all think here? All your friends? That I beat you up?”

Billy caught him by the wrists, feeling the leather cuffs twist under his hands. “Stop.”

Dominic jerked away. “No. They’re right.”

“They are not,” Billy argued.

“I punched you and you came in here with a big lump on your head.”

“Because I scared the hell out of you without thinking about it. I shouldn’t have…”

“And the bruise on your face?”

“You were fucking _asleep_ , Dom. You were having a nightmare. You weren’t trying to hit me.”

“And how about those?” he asked, pointing at the fading bruises that ringed his arm above the wrist.

“You were upset. You didn’t know you were…”

“Would you fucking stop making excuses for me?” Dominic demanded, and he took a sharp step forward. Everything in Billy’s brain screamed at him to stand still, to keep his feet where they were, but his body unheedingly took a quick step backward.

Dominic froze, and Billy winced as his eyes widened.

“You’re afraid of me.”

Billy didn’t answer. His one step away had negated any protests he might offer. Dominic lowered his head, hands clenched into fists.

“Fuck. I didn’t… Billy…”

Billy wanted to raise a hand to run it through the sandy blond hair, but his arms refused to move. “You’ve just been… not you. Angry. At everything.”

“Not at you,” Dominic said softly. “Never at you.”

“I know. I understand…”

“Understand what?” he demanded, hands clenching tighter. “Look, your friends here see what you don’t see. You just keep seeing the person you think I’m going to be, but they see who I really am, some fucked-up self-destructive asshole who’s using you and hurting you.”

“It’s not you,” Billy said quietly.

“It _is_ me!”

Billy’s stomach twisted and he grabbed Dominic by the wrists again, hard this time. Dominic tried to jerk them away, eyes widening in something like puzzlement when he realized Billy wasn’t going to let go. They widened even more as Billy dragged him briskly toward the little bathroom at the back corner of the break room. He yanked Dominic inside with him, slammed the door, and turned the lock before turning back around.

“What the hell…” Dominic started to ask.

That was all he managed before Billy shoved him back against the wall and kissed him hard. Dominic squirmed, startled, but Billy regained his grip on his wrists and pinned his hands to the cold tile just as his mouth latched onto the soft skin just above Dominic’s unbuttoned collar and bit hard. Dominic yelped and jerked against him, pulse pounding under Billy’s mouth.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he gasped.

“You didn’t come in here with that shirt half-unbuttoned and those cuffs on and your eyes lined like that just to say hello.”

“Maybe I did,” Dominic protested, trying again to get his wrists free and surprised that even with a concerted effort, he couldn’t break Billy’s grip.

“I’m in here twelve, fourteen, sixteen hours a day, wrestling with drunks and holding down accident victims and pushing carts and strapping down crazy meth addicts who haven’t slept for four or five days,” Billy said, his mouth close to Dominic’s. “I’m stronger than people think I am. I’m stronger than _you_ think I am.”

Dominic ceased his struggling and slumped back against the wall, staring at Billy. “I see that.”

“So why, Dom, do you think I would sit around and let myself get beat up and hurt and taken advantage of?”

“I have no idea,” Dominic said, looking away.

“I wouldn’t,” Billy said, biting him again and yanking on his wrists to make sure he was listening.

“What?”

“I said, I wouldn’t let that happen,” Billy repeated.

“Then why…”

“Because I’d rather let you take it out on me if you need to than ever have you think for a single second that you have to be afraid of me,” Billy said.

Dominic stared at him, confused. “I’ve never been afraid of you. You’ve never… all you’ve ever done is take care of me and save me from doing stupid things to myself.”

“Well, maybe I need to start making sure I’m not letting you do stupid things to me either,” Billy said. “I didn’t want to risk scaring you, Dom, but I’m starting to think you _need_ to know I can fight back if I have to. I think something in that fine-looking head of yours has been telling you that just because I can be the one who takes care of you when you need it means that I won’t be tough enough to handle it when you blow up. Well, I do a lot of both of those things here, and there’s not much you can dish out that I can’t take, Dom. If I ever thought for one second that you actually intended to hurt me, you’d have been gone already.”

“I still don’t understand why you want to deal with any of this,” Dominic said.

“Because I love you, idiot. Haven’t I told you that before? Don’t you believe me?”

“Sometimes,” Dominic said, glancing away.

“You’re a pain in the ass,” Billy said, and he realized he still had Dominic’s wrists pinned to the wall with his hands and Dominic’s body pinned with his own.

Dominic smiled slightly. “Yeah. I know.”

“Why are you so fucking determined to convince yourself I can’t handle you?”

Dominic cocked his head and almost chuckled. “Because I didn’t think you could.”

“Do you believe me now?” Billy asked, leaning in to press his teeth against the reddened bruise blooming just below Dominic’s collarbone, making him squirm.

“I don’t know.”

Billy heard the tone of his voice change, slid his hand down, found the growing bulge in the dark denim. He laughed and squeezed lightly.

“You want me to prove it?”

Dominic inhaled and pressed against him. “What did you have in mind?”

Billy wondered for just a moment if it wasn’t a good idea to push Dominic this way, but then he remembered that being afraid to push back when Dominic was pushing him was what had gotten them to this point in the first place. He quickly changed his grip, slipping the fingers of one hand under both of the leather cuffs.

“These are convenient,” Billy noted.

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” he said, pulling both of Dominic’s hands down to his waist. “Now, you asked what I had in mind.”

“Yeah?”

“You. On your knees.”

Dominic looked at him skeptically, but began to lower himself to his knees, tugging to free his hands from Billy’s grasp and looking up with some puzzlement when he couldn’t get them back.

“You don’t need your hands,” Billy said. “You’re an adaptable lad.”

Dominic grinned. “I am that.”

He dropped to his knees on the cool tile floor. Billy pinned Dominic’s wrists against his waist with one hand and reached down with the other to fumble at the drawstring of his scrubs. Dominic grinned and set to work with his teeth, pulling the knot loose.

“See? I knew you were adaptable,” Billy said, already having to make a concerted effort to focus with Dominic’s breath against the front of his scrubs. He reached down and tugged the waistband of his scrubs and boxers down, freeing his cock and shivering as the cool air hit his heated skin. Dominic was still looking up at him, grinning, his blue eyes dizzyingly bright.

“Well? Get to work,” Billy ordered.

Dominic didn’t waste time following Billy’s instructions, and not being able to get his hands loose seemed to only encourage him. Billy leaned his head back, knowing that if he looked down, the combination of that mouth around his cock and the knowing smirk in those blue eyes would shut his brain off completely. As it was, Dominic seemed to be determined to make that happen anyway, and Billy gasped as he worked busily with lips and tongue and a hint of teeth.

“Stop,” he demanded.

Dominic drew back, laughing. “Too much?”

Billy shook his head and tugged Dominic to his feet by the wrists before spinning him around roughly and pressing him against the wall, sliding a hand down to grope his ass. He chuckled.

“Came in here just to say hi, hmm? That’s why you’ve got lube in your back pocket?”

Dominic glanced over his shoulder. “Just being prepared for any possibility.”

He started to turn around, but Billy gave him another brisk shove against the wall and pinned him there with a hand between his shoulders while he retrieved the contents of Dominic’s back pocket, then reached around and found the button and zipper on his jeans. Dominic reached down to assist, but Billy grabbed his hand and put it firmly back on the wall where he wanted it before going back to his work. With one hand on Dominic’s back, Billy could feel him breathing hard, but he knew Dominic well enough to read his tension level at a touch, and there was nothing there now but the curious shifting of waiting to see what Billy would do.

He finally got Dominic’s jeans loose and tugged them down over his ass. Dominic shivered at the hands on his bare skin, then jumped when Billy dug his nails in a bit, just for good measure. He hastily slicked himself, feeling Dominic squirming impatiently.

“You okay?” he asked.

Dominic growled. “Yes, I’m okay. Just get… oh, fuck!”

He jerked forward against the wall at the unexpected thrust, then back against Billy, whose hands on his shoulders shoved him back against the wall and pinned him there. Within a few moments Dominic was making sharp, demanding, wordless noises, and he tried to reach down again, but Billy grabbed his wrist.

“No, no. Not till I let you.”

“Fuck you, you bastard…”

“You’re not helping your cause,” Billy told him, breathless and trying to maintain some ability to think with Dominic’s body pressed against him and clenching tight around his cock. He was surprised to realize how close Dominic was already, and it occurred to him that perhaps he should have done something like this a long time ago, and then Dominic was pleading with him in fragments of words, his voice unsteady and desperate. Billy released his hand, and he immediately grasped his own cock as Billy used his freed hands to get a proper grip on Dominic’s hips and pull him back against each thrust. Finding Dominic’s shoulder directly in front of his face, with sweat starting to turn his white shirt transparent around the collar, he leaned forward and bit down hard through the fabric. Dominic shouted and Billy felt him shudder and muffled his own shout against Dominic’s shoulder.

For a minute the wall was holding both of them up, until Billy pulled back and grabbed Dominic by the shoulders and spun him around, anxious to see his face. To his relief, he found Dominic grinning at him.

“You’ve been holding out on me, asshole.”

Billy kissed him. “Maybe.”

“You didn’t want me to know you could be anything besides nice to me, did you.”

“I was afraid anything else would scare you off.”

“It might have before,” Dominic admitted, pressing his forehead to Billy’s. “I’m pretty sure you’ve managed to get it through my thick skull that you’re not going to hurt me, though.”

“Fucking took long enough.”

Dominic chuckled. “Yeah, well. I don’t recall telling you I was easy to deal with.”

“If you had told me that, I’d have laughed at you. You’re a fucking pain in my ass.”

He studied the very nice bite mark beneath Dominic’s collarbone and smiled. “Make sure Orlando sees that on your way out, yeah?”

Dominic raised an eyebrow. “What for?”

Billy grinned and pressed his teeth against Dominic’s lower lip for a moment.

“Just so he knows I can bite back.”

“You don’t think he’d figure that out from the fact that I won’t be able to walk properly?”

“Go home and take a hot shower,” Billy said, adjusting his shirt for him as Dominic buttoned his jeans. “I’ll be done in a couple of hours, and if I spend the rest of that time thinking about what just happened, I’ll be wanting to do it again by the time I get home.”

Dominic smirked. “You realize I might be asleep.”

“You never care if I’m asleep if you’re horny,” Billy protested.

“You’re always asleep!”

“Well, you’re always horny!”

Dominic laughed, and Billy unlocked the bathroom door and shoved him out into the break room.

“Get the fuck out of here before you get me fired.”

Dominic ducked out the break room, hand with middle finger extended the last thing to disappear. Billy slumped down on the couch and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. When the door opened he sat up, expecting it to be Dominic with another smart remark, but instead it was a head of curly hair and concerned dark eyes.

“Billy?”

Billy grinned. “Making sure I’m still alive, Orlando?”

Orlando looked him over and raised his eyebrows. “You all right?”

“Fucking brilliant, my friend. I’ll be even better if you can keep Liv off my ass for twenty minutes so I can catch a nap.”

“Yeah, right,” Orlando laughed. “I’ve been distracting her the whole time your visitor’s been here. Your ass better be back out there in about two minutes or she’s going to eat you alive.”

“Fuck,” Billy muttered, standing up.

Orlando studied him closely. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I haven’t been this good in quite a while, actually. I think I’m in almost a good enough mood to make it through another four hours.”

“Not when you see what just came into the waiting room.”

“Fuck,” Billy muttered, and straightened his scrubs and headed back out into the bright lights of the emergency department, feeling the trace of a smile on his face and, probably for the first time since he’d met Dominic, just a bit of confidence that they were both, after all, going to be all right. 


	7. Stronger

It had become a routine for Billy to try to guess what Dominic had been baking before he reached the kitchen, although some days his nose had been assaulted by so many offensive odors at work that it had gone on strike for the rest of the day. Today, as he kicked his shoes off by the door, he could hear the mixer buzzing in the kitchen and decided to wait. Avoiding things like taking Dominic by surprise had become ingrained in Billy’s awareness of what he was doing, and Dominic wouldn’t be able to hear him with all that racket.

After a moment, the mixer shut off, and Billy stuck his head into the kitchen.

“Is it carrot cake?”

Dominic glanced over his shoulder, his hands occupied with the bowl of frosting he was removing from the mixer.

“Yeah, and you can’t have any.”

“Why not?”

“Because Laurel at the deli says she sells out of it every time I bring it in. The pies, too.”

“Popular, hmm?”

Dominic set down the bowl. “Popular enough for me to pay half this month’s rent.”

“You don’t…”

“I live here,” Dominic said firmly.

Billy didn’t argue. If Dominic was paying some of the bills himself, he might stop berating himself for his failure to contribute anything to Billy or the world in general.

“Do I get to use the extra money I’ll have to take you out to dinner?”

Dominic shrugged, and Billy managed to pin down what had been disturbing him since he’d walked into the kitchen; Dominic’s casual but cautious non-responsiveness, his body language careful and deliberately unrevealing. He knew Billy could usually read him, and he also knew that deliberately depriving him of the cues he usually used to decide how to handle Dominic at any given moment unsettled him.

“What’s going on, Dom?” he asked, keeping his voice even.

“Nothing.”

Billy scowled. It was going to be this game, then. “Fuck. What is it?”

Dominic glanced at him, taking in his expression, and then looked away, the answer coming so easily that Billy was surprised by it.

“George Wilson.”

“George… the guy who…”

“Yeah. Him.”

“What about him?”

“Ian said he talked to the prosecuting attorney, and the guy’s defense team is trying to cut him a deal to avoid the case having to go to court. Problem is, they don’t have any hard evidence to _prove_ that he took the kid to his place with the intent to harm him.”

“That’s a crock of shit,” Billy muttered. “What kind of deal?”

“Prosecutor couldn’t tell Ian. But Ian must have mentioned at some point that there might be other evidence.”

Billy leaned back against the wall, exhaling. “So…”

“I’m the other evidence,” Dominic said, spinning the bowl on the table distractedly.

“You… they want you do testify? In court?”

“They don’t want it to go to court.”

“So what do they want from you?”

“Prosecutor thinks that if I come and meet with him and the defense attorneys and bring Dr. Emergency-Room-Guy and his pictures, it’ll force the defense to either accept a much harsher plea bargain or risk taking it to court and having a living, breathing victim to put on the stand and make him look like a monster in front of the jury and the cameras.”

“What are you going to do?”

Dominic looked up at him, and there was resolve and a hint of a challenge in his eyes.

“I’m meeting with them tomorrow at the courthouse at two.”

“You… wait, you called them and set this up… and didn’t even mention it to me?”

“Yep,” Dominic said, defiance behind his causal tone. “Dr. Emergency-Room-Guy, too. I called him.”

“Viggo knows about this and didn’t tell me? Why the fuck not?”

“Because I asked him not to.”

Confusion and surprise finally catalyzed into a flash of anger. “What? Dom, what the fuck… why? Don’t you… you just did this, without…”

Dominic glared at him. “I didn’t have to consult with you first, you know. This isn’t about you.”

“No, but if it’s about you, it ends up fucking with me!”

“Sorry for the inconvenience,” Dominic said coldly.

“Don’t be an asshole,” Billy said, his anger fading. “Look, I just didn’t expect… I know it’s not about me. I just thought…”

Dominic’s expression softened slightly. “Had to, Billy.”

“Had to what?”

“Had to do it myself. Call them. Make this happen.”

“Why?”

“Because this way, if I end up hating myself for it forever, at least I’ll always know that no one pushed me into it… especially not you.”

Billy sighed. “Can I at least go to the courthouse with you?”

The corner of Dominic’s mouth twitched. “I did schedule it on your day off, you know.”

Billy shook his head. “You’re really going to do this. Holy shit. You’re going to tell them… all of it?”

Steel flashed behind the blue in Dominic’s eyes. “I’m still fucked up from what he did to me. I’m going to make sure I fuck him up for the rest of his life. I’m going to make sure he’s not even eligible for parole till he’s ready for a nursing home.”

Billy stepped closer, feeling the tension vibrating through him.

“Dom… what’s it going to do to you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t care. I just know I have to do it.”

Billy reached for his hand. “You’ve got an incredible amount of guts, you know that?”

“Hmm. You’ve told me I had an incredible ass… and an incredible mouth… and that I make incredible brownies…”

“Shut up. I was trying to compliment you, wanker.”

“Don’t call me a wanker… and get the fuck away from my cake, you filthy, germ-covered…”

“All right, all right. We can talk after I get out of the shower.”

“We could talk while you’re _in_ the shower,” Dominic suggested mildly.

“That won’t end up being talking,” Billy said, slightly wary; when Dominic got the wires for his sex drive and his explosive moods crossed, it could be more than a little alarming occasionally.

“I’ll be nice, Billy,” he said, as if hearing his thoughts. “I promise. I’m not… I just want…”

“Okay,” Billy said. “Give me a minute to scrub off all these terrible germs first, and then you can hop in with me.”

Tonight, though, it seemed that Dominic needed Billy to release his tightly-wound anxiety for him. Instead of aggression, Billy was surprised to find him almost unusually compliant, willing, and quiet, his usually constant sarcastic commentary silenced, his only words a soft curse and the muttering of Billy’s name as he came undone with Billy’s mouth working steadily on his cock and the warm water flowing over both of them. His eyes were dark and unreadable as Billy dried him off, led him back toward the bedroom, and laid him down, prepared to try to ignore his own body’s demands and go to sleep, but that was when Dominic rolled over and kissed him. It wasn’t a good-night kiss. It was the kind of kiss that burned through Billy and made his entire body tighten in anticipation, and then Dominic was groping at the nightstand, pressing a condom and lube into his hand, tipping his head back and closing his eyes.

“This what you want?”

Dominic nodded slightly. “Yeah. But…”

“What?”

“Slow. Please.”

“Okay,” he said gently, stroking the damp sandy-blond hair.

“And… talk to me. So I know…”

“Shh. I know.”

It wasn’t the first time Dominic had asked for that, and Billy understood, and for a moment he hesitated, wondering if it was better not to press the issue, but Dominic looked up at him and frowned.

“Billy…”

“I just don’t want to…”

“Please just stop fucking around. I need you.”

And he did need it, needed Billy to fuck him slowly, wrapped in his arms, until the painful tension in his muscles began to unwind, until his back began to arch and lose its rigidness. Billy never quite remembered what he murmured to Dominic while they were like this but it didn’t seem to matter, and time seemed to slow down, but finally he felt Dominic twisting under him, making small, desperate noises, and he sat up, deepening his angle and grasping Dominic’s cock at the same time, and managing, having had plenty of practice, to take Dominic over the edge at precisely the right time to clamp down on him hard and wrench his own release from him with almost painful force.

He tossed the lube and condom off somewhere in the darkness and pulled Dominic against him, feeling him loose and boneless with exhaustion.

“You all right now?”

“For tonight,” Dominic murmured. “But tomorrow… fuck. What did I get myself into?”

“Shh. You can do this.”

“I know I can. I just… don’t know how bad it’s going to be. How bad… I’m going to feel.”

Billy shivered. “You can’t ever do what you did…”

“I’m not going to put myself back in the ICU, Billy. I fucking hate that place. Can we go to sleep now?”

“Sure,” Billy said, but he lied; he was awake long after weariness took Dominic under, thinking about what happened last time Dominic had talked about these things and what he’d done to himself afterwards. This would be different, though. Dominic was different now… everything was different now… he told himself this over and over until finally, near dawn, he managed to doze off.

 

 

Dominic sat at the kitchen table, watching Billy through the bathroom door as he adjusted his tie in the mirror.

“I told you, you don’t have to wear a tie,” he said, sullen.

“And I told you, if I don’t at least look like someone who ought to be in a courthouse, they’re likely to not let me come in with you.”

“I don’t look like someone who ought to be in a courthouse. Unless I was getting arrested,” Dominic said, leaning back in his chair.

Billy leaned out of the bathroom, looking him over; a decent pair of jeans, a plain white shirt, buttoned but untucked, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, and…

“You’re not wearing anything on your wrists,” Billy said.

Billy had never seen Dominic go out in public without some adornment on his wrists, whether it was leather cuffs or bracelets or rubber bands or pieces of string or beads or anything else he’d found. Now, as he held up his bare arms, Billy was reminded of why; he had nearly stopped noticing the raised, still-livid scars around Dominic’s wrists where the handcuffs had cut into his skin throughout his torture.

“Want them to see these,” he said, his voice low and emotionless.

“Okay,” Billy said quickly, feeling like the apartment was a tangle of dynamite fuses and he was covered in matches, treading with infinite caution to make sure he didn’t set off a spark.

“Dr. Mortensen has pictures of the rest,” Dominic said.

“Yeah, he does… are you going to… I mean, you haven’t seen them, have you?”

“No. Have you?”

“No. If you don’t want me to, I won’t look at them today.”

“I want you to see them,” he said, in the same dull voice.

Billy’s stomach twisted into an even tighter knot than it had been in all day. He’d seen the marks, of course, reddened welts mostly faded to raised white lines across Dominic’s back and everything below it. He hadn’t seen the injuries the way his colleagues had photographed them, only a week or so old, or what Dominic looked like after his tormenters were done with him.

“It’s almost time to go,” Billy said.

Dominic looked up at him, and Billy didn’t know whether to be reassured or frightened by the blue eyes dark and stormy in his withdrawal, but edged with something sharp and dangerous.

“Let’s go, then.”

Dominic sat perfectly unmoving through the cab ride, looking out the window. Billy took note of it, knowing that Dominic was normally endlessly fidgety and distracted while riding in cars, but not today. The courthouse was an old stone building with a clock tower and traces of green growing in the mortar between the gray bricks, surrounded by stately, wide-branching trees that cast shadows across the neatly trimmed grass. The stone steps leading into the building had grooves worn into them from the shuffling of endless feet. Inside the door, though, awaited the white square arch of the metal detector, with its belt for scanning bags and a guard in dark green uniform standing beside it. It seemed glaringly modern in the wide, arched entry hall with its aged, slightly yellowed walls and heavy wooden doors.

“Gentlemen,” the guard said, nodding, but without a smile. “Everything metal on the belt, please. Coins, keys…”

Billy tossed his wallet and house keys on the belt, then glanced back at Dominic and was alarmed to find him frozen, eyes blank and staring at the guard.

“Dom,” he said quickly. He’d noticed Dominic’s tendency to avoid anyone in a police-type uniform before, but hadn’t thought about how many of them might be in the courthouse.

Dominic blinked.

“Dom. You got anything in your pockets?”

“No.”

Billy steered him to walk through the white arch. To his relief, the alarm didn’t go off;  even if it had just been Dominic’s boots setting it off, Billy didn’t think he could handle having the man in his space with the hand scanner. He stepped through after Dominic, setting off the alarm and making both of them jump before he remembered the handful of change in his back pocket and dumped it on the belt. Dominic waited, tense as a rabbit with its eye on a hunting dog, as Billy collected his belongings and shoved them back into his pockets before taking Dominic by the arm.

“Dom. Are you okay?”

He nodded.

“Where are we supposed to go?”

“Second floor. Meeting Room Five. Make a left when we get off the elevator,” he said mechanically.

The guard, who was looking at Dominic curiously, pointed down the hall. “Elevators down there to the right. You all right, young man? You look awfully pale.”

Dominic seemed to awaken slightly; perhaps it was the quiet, paternal tone of the guard’s voice, or the concern in the question. He took a deep breath and nodded.

“Yeah. I’m all right.”

They walked down the echoing, empty hall to the elevator, which creaked downward from above and then awkwardly jerked its doors open to reveal a dilapidated interior.

“Maybe we should take the stairs,” Billy said.

“Get in,” Dominic said, almost smiling. “ You wouldn’t like it if it was the newest and shiniest elevator on earth.”

“Death boxes,” Billy muttered, as gears above their heads began to crank and the elevator began to rise. Dominic snorted.

The halls on the second floor were narrower, the echoes louder and sharper. Dominic walked ahead now, looking at the numbers on the doors.

“Meeting Room Five.”

Billy grasped Dominic’s arm before he could raise it to knock.

“Dom.”

“What?”

He turned to face Billy, but his eyes shifted away, and he stepped back out of reach.

“Are you all right?”

“Look, I just want to get this done, all right? I don’t want to fucking talk about it. I just want to get it over with.”

He turned back to the door and knocked.

Almost immediately, a willowy blond-haired young woman in a tidy blue suit answered the door.

“Hello! You must be Dominic. Who’s this with you?”

“My lawyer.”

Billy tried not to twitch at this; he hadn’t realized Dominic was going to pull that one.

“Oh. Good. Okay. Come in, please. Dr. Mortensen just got here a few minutes ago, and the defense attorneys are on their way over.”

She led them into the small meeting room with its wood-paneled walls, dusty windows looking out into a tangle of tree branches, and a plain, heavy table. Billy felt a touch of relief to see Dr. Mortensen sitting in one of the chairs, dressed in plain street clothes and studying the large manila envelope in front of him.

The woman gestured to the two seats next to Dr. Mortensen.

“Sit down, please. I’m Cate. I’m the attorney assigned to the prosecution for this case…  the one we’re here to talk about,” she said, sitting down across from them. “Before we get started… Dominic, are you sure you want to do this?”

He nodded.

“You understand that if this doesn’t work out and the defense attorneys won’t accept a plea bargain that we can work with, this could end up in court, in front of a jury.”

“I don’t care,” he said, his voice low and toneless.

There was a knock at the door, and two men stepped in, one older, with gray hair and a gray suit, the other younger, dark-haired and handsome and smiling, wearing dress pants and a tie. Cate looked over at Dominic.

“Gentlemen, this is Mr. Eddings and Mr. Zimmer, the defense attorneys.”

“Formalities not required, Miss Cate,” the younger man said. “Jim is fine for me, and this is Roger. This isn’t an official hearing or anything like that. We’re just… going to discuss the additional evidence that Miss Cate here says she’s come up with in the case regarding our client. I’m sure we can discuss it in a…”

“Fuck that,” Dominic said, quiet, but definite.

“Excuse me?”

He sat up straighter in his seat. “I said, fuck that. I’m not sitting here and chit-chatting. I’m here to make sure your fucking psychotic client gets what he fucking deserves, and nothing else. So don’t talk to me unless you’ve got a damn good reason to.”

Cate touched his arm lightly. “Nobody’s going to grill you, Dominic, and you don’t have to answer any questions you don’t want to. But what I’ve explained to these gentlemen here is that you’re here and willing to testify that their client…”

“Dr. Mortensen has the pictures,” he said, looking away again.

“All right,” Cate said, taking a deep breath. “Dr. Mortensen...”

He sat up slowly, as calm as if he was in his own emergency department, completely in control of the situation in the midst of chaos as he always was. He opened the envelope and, without ceremony, slid the pictures out onto the table.

They were large pictures, blown up to show details, and there were quite a few of them; Liv knew how to document injuries when police might need them later. Billy winced at the first picture, of Dominic’s extended arms, bruised and thin, his wrists ringed with deep, unhealed wounds. Cate reached into her own folder and laid down another picture: another pair of wrists, bearing identical wounds, except that these were raw and open, crusted with dried blood.

“Look familiar?” she asked, glancing at the defense attorneys.

For the next half an hour, Dr. Mortensen and Cate laid out pictures side by side, all of them nearly identical. The only differences, as far as Billy could see, was that the wounds and bruises on Dominic had a week’s worth of starting to heal, while the wounds on the other boy were fresh, and the fact that the pictures of Dominic were taken against the sterile white of a hospital bed, while the others were taken against the sterile metal of a morgue table. Billy couldn’t help but stare; he’d worked in the emergency department quite a while, but the only time he’d ever seen bruising as horrific as in these pictures was the bruising on unrestrained passengers in car accidents. He couldn’t begin to imagine enough individual blows to inflict injuries like that, and his brain recoiled from contemplating it. He glanced over at Dominic, but Dominic’s face was stone, staring straight ahead at a spot on the wall behind the two men across from him, unresponsive.

“I will happily go in front of a jury and testify that these injuries are nearly identical and that they were inflicted with the same instruments,” Dr. Mortensen said.

The younger defense attorney nodded slowly. “All right. But that doesn’t prove that our client was the specific individual who inflicted them.”

“It was him,” Dominic said, his voice flat.

“I understand that, but you have to understand…”

Billy saw something snap under the surface of Dominic’s face, and moved a hand to reach for his arm, but the rigid silence had shattered and his blue eyes were flashing dangerously as he leaned forward.

“No. You have to understand. I’m going to tell you this, and I’m going to say it once now. And the next fucking time I say it, it will be in a courtroom in front of a fucking jury. And I will tell them _everything._ I’ll tell them everything he said to me while I was fucking handcuffed and drugged and choking and gagged. I’ll tell them I know exactly who told me I was a worthless little whore and he was going to get his money’s worth out of me. And exactly who told all his buddies when they got there that I was their evening entertainment. And exactly who laughed at me every time I tried to scream.”

“Dominic,” Cate said gently. “I need you to start at the beginning.”

He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms, but Billy could see razor blades in the blue-eyed glare he fixed on the two men. “Fine.”

He started at the beginning, and told them everything, everything he’d told Billy and even some of the parts he hadn’t, everything he’d said to him, everything he’d hit him with, how many times they’d all fucked him, the things they’d said sitting in the living room laughing and watching football while he was sprawled helplessly on the table and bleeding on the floor; everything up to being dumped on a bench in the park in the middle of the night and knowing despite his faltering consciousness whose voice it was that told him he could go ahead and fucking bleed to death and no one would care, because no one cared what happened to cheap little whores anyway.

No one interrupted him. When he had finished, he uncrossed his arms and nodded at the pictures on the table.

“I’ll go in front of a jury. I’ll tell them everything I just told you. And I’ll tell them what every… single… one of those bruises felt like. And what it felt like to be pretty much sure I was going to die gagged and bleeding on this guy’s kitchen table. And they’re going to look at your fucking client, and they’re going to realize that poor dead kid felt every single one of those things, and he felt exactly the same fucking pure terror… except that he never got to wake up from it.”

The defense attorneys glanced at each other.

“What do you want?” the older one asked.

Cate’s sweet demeanor vanished. “I want him to plead guilty to manslaughter, aggravated assault, sexual abuse of a minor, kidnapping, and rape.”

“I don’t think so,” the defense attorney shot back.

“Really?” Cate said, raising her eyebrows. “Because if we go to court, I’m going for first degree murder.”

“You can’t prove he took that kid back there with the intent to kill him.”

She smiled, but there wasn’t any pleasantness in it anymore.

“You want to take the chance? You think a jury’s going to look at those pictures of what your client did to these guys,  and then they’re going to listen to Dominic telling them everything he just told us, and you’re willing to take the chance? How sympathetic is he going to look to a jury after that, guys? You can take a gamble if you want. But if we go to court with this testimony and this evidence, they’re going to find him guilty of all the charges I just mentioned, and they’re pretty damn likely to find him guilty on first degree murder just to make sure he never sees the world outside of prison for the rest of his life.”

Billy couldn’t help but be impressed; he hadn’t expected the pretty blond attorney to come out swinging like this. The defense attorneys glanced at each other, and neither looked happy.

“I won’t take anything less,” Cate said, writing her terms down on a piece of notebook paper. “The judge wants an answer by tomorrow whether he’s willing to accept the plea bargain or he wants to go to court. I’ll be waiting to hear from you.”

The older man grabbed the paper and shoved it into his suit pocket, and they left, closing the door sharply behind them.

Dominic didn’t move. Billy touched his arm; it was as rigid as stone, and he refused to look in his direction.

“I’m sorry you had to do that, Dominic,” Cate said.

“What’s going to happen?” he asked flatly.

“They’re going to go talk to their client. If he’s going to take the plea bargain, he has to take it by noon tomorrow, or it’s going to trial.”

“So…” Billy asked.

She smiled. “So, I’ll call you at about quarter after noon tomorrow.”

“What are they…”

“We’ll negotiate a little bit,” she said. “He’s going to end up stuck with the rape, the aggravated assault, and the sexual abuse of a minor, and probably manslaughter as well, and that will put him in prison for a long time, but he’ll eventually have a shot at parole somewhere a decade or two down the road. If they take it in front of a jury and the jury convicts him on murder charges, he could very well get life without parole.”

“You think they’re going to fold?” Billy asked.

Cate looked at Dominic and touched his hand. To Billy’s surprise, he blinked and looked at her, eyes still hollow, but listening now.

“Dominic, you scared the shit out of them,” she said. “They’ll do whatever it takes to keep you out of a courtroom.”

He exhaled. “I did okay?”

“You did brilliantly,” she said. “You and your… lawyer can go now. I’ll call you tomorrow. I promise.”

The cab ride home was silent. Billy knew when not to ask; there were times you didn’t knock on those doors, no matter how much you wanted to know what was going on inside. When they got back to the apartment, he hoped Dominic might be ready to talk, or at least listen, but Dominic brushed quietly past him, heading directly for the bedroom, and when Billy followed him there, he found that he had already kicked off his shoes and buried himself in the comforter, only his tousled hair visible. For a moment he thought about climbing into bed with him, trying to ease him out of wherever he was, but everything about him was shut in, closed up, unyielding.

“Dom? You want me to leave you alone for a little while?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” he said, stepping back. “If you need me…”

Dominic’s voice was muffled, but Billy could still hear him, and there was a hint of life in his voice. “Thank you.”

Billy made sure to make a quick scan of the room for anything sharp, any bottles, any pills, anything dangerous; he even considered for a moment and decided there was nothing in the bedroom someone could hang themselves from. Then, horrified by his own thoughts, he tried to shake them off as he closed the door and went to pour himself a drink.

 

“You’re lousy at drinking.”

Billy raised his head from his arms and blinked sleepily as Dominic took the still mostly-full glass of scotch from his hand and, tipping his head back, emptied it in one quick motion.

“See? That’s proper drinking.”

Billy rubbed his eyes; he didn’t remember falling asleep at the table. “Don’t do that, Dom.”

Dominic shrugged. Billy looked him over; he was still wearing his jeans from earlier, but nothing else, and he looked slightly sleep-fuzzed but otherwise all right.

“It’s too early to drink,” Billy mumbled.

“Number one: you were doing it. Number two: it’s after suppertime.”

“Oh.”

Dominic retrieved another glass from the cabinet, sat down across from Billy, and filled both glasses with scotch before handing one to Billy.

“Here. Drink up.”

Billy sighed and tipped back the glass, feeling the drink burn his empty stomach. Dominic set his empty glass down and reached for the bottle again, but Billy pulled it out of reach.

“Stop.”

Dominic shrugged again, watching Billy with a cool, unreadable expression.

“What’s going on, Dom?”

“Nothing. Everything. The usual.”

Billy felt frustration crawling up the back of his neck. “What… look, do you want to get out of here for a bit? Go have dinner, or go down to Miranda’s bar, or…”

“Rather just order something,” Dominic said.

“Oh. All right. You want to see if Karl and Orlando want to…”

“Billy,” Dominic interrupted.

“What?”

Dominic’s eyes narrowed. “Are you afraid to be here alone with me?”

Fuck, Billy thought. “No, Dom. Just…”

“I think you are,” he said quietly, standing up and offering a hand to Billy. “Look, it’s been a long day, and I wouldn’t mind to nap another hour before we get some dinner. Why don’t you come lay down for a bit?”

Billy allowed Dominic to pull him to his feet and lead him by the hand toward the bedroom. Somewhere across the kitchen, though, the grip on his hand started to become painfully tight, and Billy could see the subtle shift of Dominic’s shoulders. Alarms began ringing loudly in his head, drowning out anything else, and he pulled back.

“What?” Dominic asked, without turning to look at him.

“I’m just going to get a drink of water…”

Dominic’s grip didn’t loosen. Billy pulled again, harder. Dominic, still refusing to look at him, jerked sharply on Billy’s arm.

“Stop it,” he said sharply.

“Dom, let go,” Billy said, trying to keep his voice calm.

The blue-eyed glance that flashed at him over Dominic’s shoulder sent a chill through him.

“You are afraid to be here alone with me.”

“When you fucking act like this I am!” Billy blurted out.

He had a heartbeat to regret saying it before Dominic yanked him around by the arm to face him, eyes flashing.

“You could have just fucking told me.”

“I thought we talked about…”

“I don’t want to fucking talk,” he snapped, and abruptly jammed Billy against the wall, knocking the air out of his lungs, fists digging into Billy’s ribs. Billy stared back and him and felt his stomach twist. He’d never really believed that Dominic would really hurt him, and he still didn’t. But the ice-blue eyes inches from his face, staring at him without recognition, scared the hell out of him. Dominic would never really hurt him… but the person looking at him right now wasn’t Dominic.

A quick calculation flashed through his head, multiplying what could happen right now, how bad it could be, dividing it by what would happen later when Dominic realized what he’d done, factoring his own willingness to stand here and allow this against the realization of what might happen, now or later, if he didn’t.

Fine, he thought.

He jerked his knee up hard, connecting with his target, and as soon as Dominic gasped and hunched over, Billy got his arms back and shoved, taking both of them to the floor with a loud thud and Billy on top. Dominic growled and swung at him, but Billy knew where he was now; he’d dealt with enough hostile, drug-addled, or combative patients to know how to manage this. He wrestled Dominic’s arms to his sides and kneeled on them, pinning them to the floor while his weight on Dominic’s abdomen held him down. Dominic flailed and tried to kick and knee him in the back, but he couldn’t get any leverage with his arms and torso trapped, , and within two breaths, Billy had him contained despite his attempts to twist free.

Dominic’s eyes darkened, anger building into raw panic, his breathing ragged, and Billy knew that if he really did panic and thought he was fighting for his life, one of them was going to get hurt.

“Dom!” he shouted, leaning closed to his face. “Dom! STOP IT!”

Dominic went suddenly still. Billy braced himself, but except for his chest heaving, Dominic didn’t move, his face turned away from Billy’s.

“Stop. Please, Dom. I don’t want to do this. Just stop.”

After a long moment, Dominic nodded slowly. Billy exhaled.

“Can I let you go now?”

Another small nod.

Billy sat back cautiously. Dominic shoved himself back against the wall and sat up, head on his knees. Billy could see him shaking, but it didn’t surprise him; his own hands were shaking too.

“Fuck,” Dominic murmured.  

“Don’t. Just… sit for a minute. You’re all right.”

“Are you all right?”

“Yeah. Except I’m going to have some nice bruises on my chest. Good thing I don’t go topless at work.”

Dominic managed a weak chuckle. “Yeah, well, you kicked me in the balls.”

They sat for a while, and Billy felt his pulse starting to return to something like normal.

“Dom… I’m sorry. I had to…”

Dominic shook his head. “Of course you had to. What were you supposed to do, let me hurt you? If I ever really hurt you, I don’t know… I don’t know what I’d do.”

“I’m fine.”

“I’m not.”

Billy reached over and rested a hand on the back of his head. “I know, Dom. You will be, though. After today… I mean, I couldn’t have done what you did. Sitting there describing everything like that. I mean, I could hardly stay in the room just listening to it… but you lived through it, and then you had to go in there and live it all over again.”

“It’ll be worth it, if…”

“We’ll wait till Cate calls us tomorrow.”

Dominic finally raised his head and looked at Billy helplessly. “You really want me to still be here tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I do,” Billy said, rubbing his fingers through Dominic’s short hair. “I want you to be here forever.”

“You’re afraid of me,” Dominic argued.

Billy shook his head. “I’m not afraid of you. I’m…”

“Don’t lie. Please.”

Billy sighed. “All right. There have been a couple of times when I’ve been afraid of you, Dom. But I’m tougher than you think I am… and it’s going to get better. You’re going to get better.”

“I’m not so sure.”

“How much worse do you think it can get?” Billy asked.

Dominic laughed bitterly. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious. Because neither of us is going to let anything bad happen to you again, and what you did today… it’s going to put that asshole and hopefully all of his buddies behind bars till they’re old enough to be shaking their canes and yelling at the damn kids to stay off their lawns. Nothing like that’s ever going to happen to you again…”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t seem like anything’s going to fix what already happened.”

“Then we live with that,” Billy said, still stroking his hair. “But that’s what I mean. They can’t hurt you anymore. So basically, that means you’re already as fucked up as you’re going to get.”

Dominic laughed, and this time there was a trace of real humor in it. “I suppose that’s true.”

“Do you think you’ve got too many more things to try before you’ll believe I’m not giving up on you?”

“I keep trying, but I think I’m running out of ideas.”

Billy stiffly climbed to his feet, then offered Dominic a hand and pulled him up.

“I’m tired,” Dominic said, looking at the floor. “I’ll go lay down on the couch if you…”

“Dominic?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m tired too. Come to bed. We could both use a nap.”

“Yeah, but…”

Billy shook his head. “I don’t sleep well anymore unless I’ve got you with me.”

Dominic smiled wryly. “I don’t either.”

This time it was Billy leading Dominic toward the bedroom, but this time they made it without incident, stripped off whatever they were still wearing, and pulled the blankets over themselves. Dominic tried to slide to the far edge of the bed, but Billy hooked an arm over his chest and pulled him closer until Dominic yielded and, starting to doze, rolled over and laid his head on Billy’s chest before he fell asleep.

 

They were jarred roughly out of a long, lazy sleep by the phone by the bed ringing in Billy’s ear. Dominic jumped, as he always did when startled, but when Billy reached for the phone he slapped his hand away and leaned over him to answer it.

“Hello?”

Billy knew it was the blond-haired prosecutor just from the way Dominic’s face changed, even though it was only just after nine, but Dominic slid out of bed, trying to pull on a pair of pants without dropping the phone as he listened intently, and then stumbled out into the living room. Billy resisted the almost overwhelming temptation to follow him; he really didn’t want to get into another fight, and Dominic would come back and tell him when he wanted to.

He pulled the blankets back over himself and waited, his skin crawling with impatience, hearing mostly silence except for Dominic’s voice occasionally, too low for him to catch the words. He was surprised when Dominic walked back into the bedroom with the phone in his hand and handed hit to Billy.

“What?”

“It’s Cate.”

“What does she want?”

“Ask her, idiot.”

Billy lifted the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

“Just wanted to thank you,” she said. “I don’t think he’d have come in to do that without you.”

“What…”

“I’ll let him tell you that part. I just wanted to say thank you.”

She hung up.

Billy put the phone back on its holder and looked up at Dominic expectantly. Dominic stood, hands in the pockets of his jeans, looking back at him.

“Fuck, Dom, you’re driving me fucking crazy.”

“What?”

“Tell me what she said! Why is she calling so early? I thought she wasn’t going to call till noon! Did something go wrong? What’s…”

Dominic smiled. “I guess his lawyers went to see him after we talked yesterday.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, apparently he didn’t like what he heard.”

“Damnit, Dominic, I’m going to strangle you.”

“They asked for a meeting with the judge first thing this morning. Apparently their client really, really, really didn’t want to go to court and sit there while I told a jury everything I told them…”

“He pled guilty?”

“He plead guilty to just about everything Cate wanted, and apparently he also offered to give up names and details on all his buddies who were there the night that kid died, and it sounds like she’s going gunning for them too.”

Billy sat up, feeling that rare energy and fire in Dominic’s voice.

“What else did she say?”

“She said the minimum sentence for the charges he pled guilty to, if the judge makes him serve them consecutively, would leave him eligible for parole in about ten or fifteen years. And when he does get out, he’ll be a registered sex offender with a record of sex crimes against a minor… you know, the ones that have to register every time they move into a neighborhood.”

Billy felt a weight lifting off his shoulders.

“She say anything else?”

“Yeah, she did,” Dominic said, and Billy saw a spark of something sharp and satisfied in his eyes. “She said that in case I didn’t know, there’s sort of a pecking order in prison… and apparently, guys who are in for sex crimes against minors are pretty near the bottom of it. He’s gonna have a really, really rough next ten or fifteen years.”

Billy watched him for a moment. “How do you feel?”

Dominic grinned. “Like maybe there’s some fucking justice in the world after all.”

“What are you going to do now?”

“Let’s go out to breakfast and celebrate.”

Billy raised an eyebrow. “You’ll have to wait for me to get dressed. I don’t have any clothes on.”

Dominic smiled knowingly. “Hmm. Maybe breakfast can wait.”

“What if I want breakfast first?” Billy protested.

“What if I promise to make you waffles after?”

Billy considered for a moment. “All right. It’s a deal.”

“Good,” Dominic said, letting his jeans drop to the floor. “There’s ways to celebrate besides breakfast, anyway.”

“Like what?”

“Like you waking up the old lady next door yelling my name when you come.”

“I think she’s deaf, Dom.”

“Then I’ll have to work extra hard, I guess.”

“I’m agreeable to letting you try,” Billy said. “When did you find your sense of humor again?”

“Somewhere around where Cate was saying something about him being so fucking scared of me he went _running_ to the judge to make sure he didn’t end up facing me in court.”

“Oh, yeah?”

Dominic nodded. “Yeah. Because I’m thinking that right about now, he’s starting to realize how long ten or fifteen years is. And how he’s going to like prison. And…”

“What, Dom?”

“I might have to spend the rest of my life thinking about what he did to me… but I’m going to be out here, walking around, doing what I want… and he’s not. So who’s going to have more time to think about it now, huh?”

Billy shook his head. “Get over here. I’d rather you be thinking about sex than revenge if you’re climbing into bed with me.”

“When I’m in bed with you with no clothes on, sex is pretty much all I’m capable of thinking about.”

“Well,” Billy said, “I’m waiting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is NOT the end of this series. It just seemed like a good place to end this part of the series and combine it all into one story with chapters instead of scattered individual stories. If you are interested in following new parts in the series as they are posted, you can find them, and me, as rubyelf on LiveJournal.


	8. Listen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the only chapter so far written more from Dominic's point of view than from Billy's.

Dominic usually dropped off all his cookies and cakes and pies to the café in the afternoon, but Laura had practically begged him to make her another batch of cookies for the next day, since someone had apparently come in and cleaned her out of them not long after his visit and she wouldn’t have any for the next morning.

The streets between the café and home were usually quiet in the afternoon when he walked back and forth, with a few stores and offices open and a few people on the sidewalks. At that hour, JJ’s wasn’t even open.

It was open tonight, though; Dominic could see the small groups of people standing outside the doors talking underneath the light of the neon beer logos, and could hear the bass of the dance music from inside. Something in his gut gave a small twist, but he told himself he wasn’t going to go around an entire extra block just to avoid walking past the place, so he put his head down and kept going.

“Dommie!”

He looked up and found himself being grabbed and embraced by a short, slender young man with deep red-brown hair and a round-cheeked, cherubic smile.

“Where the hell have you been?” he demanded, holding Dominic out at arm’s length to study him. “You look good. We haven’t seen you in… hell, almost a year?”

“Don’t maul the boy, Dylan.”

Dominic glanced over at the tall, wiry figure with the narrow shoulders and sunken eyes. He found himself grinning; Tony had never been as morbidly terrifying as he looked, despite the all-black clothes and shaved head. Dylan reluctantly released Dominic.

“You’re gonna come in and have a drink, right?” he asked hopefully, giving Dominic that angelic smile. It didn’t have quite the same effect, Dominic thought, when you knew how much a man would pay to see that sweet little mouth around his cock while those wide eyes stared up at him, and when you knew that was how Dylan paid his rent, but it was still hard to resist his enthusiasm.

“At least come in and say hello,” Tony said. “Nobody’s seen you in so long, we thought something bad happened to you. Some of the girls even asked Karl about you, but he wasn’t talking.”

“I’m tired,” Dominic said evasively.

“Come on!” Dylan pleaded. Then, in a lower voice, “I’ve got an eight ball with me tonight… a couple of lines and you won’t be tired anymore.”

“I’ll be good with just a drink.”

Dylan grinned and took him by the arm and tugged him inside. Immediately he could feel the music vibrating the floor under his feet and the air around him, and although it was still early in the evening there were a few people out on the small dance floor. More of them were at the pool tables or at the bar, and when Dylan pushed him forward, a chorus of voices rang out.

“Dommie!”

“Hey, Dom! Where have you been?”

“It’s about time!”

“Come have a drink!”

“Hey, is that Dommie?”

A twinge of panic crept up the back of his neck, but he forced it down. JJ’s was one of Karl’s usual haunts and Karl usually made sure that serious troublemakers didn’t spend too much time hanging around places he frequented, or places his staff frequented.

He found himself being ushered toward the bar, and with some relief he recognized the pretty, spiky-haired bartender.

“Hey, Annie.”

“Dommie!” she exclaimed, leaning over the bar and demanding her kiss on the cheek. “Hi, honey! We thought something had happened to you! What are you drinking?”

“Umm… whiskey?”

“Double shot,” Tony said, over his shoulder. “On me. We’re glad to see you again, Dom. Come on over here and tell us what you’ve been up to.”

Dominic glanced at his cell phone. Billy wouldn’t be home for a few hours, and besides, there were no rules that said he couldn’t stop for a drink on his way home.

“Hey, is it true Karl’s got a boyfriend?”

“I heard he’s a doctor…”

“I heard he’s really cute,” one of the girls said, settling herself into Dominic’s lap. “But not as cute as you!”

He was about to push her off when he recognized the face beneath the bright red hair and the false eyelashes. “Jewel.”

She kissed him fondly and spoke close to his ear. “Missed you, honey. We heard some things… I heard you got hurt, that you were in the hospital, that you got kicked out of your place…”

“Everything’s okay now,” he said, barely noticing that someone had taken his empty shot glass away and replaced it with another one.

“Are you sure?” she asked, studying his face carefully. He dropped his eyes; Jewel had always been able to catch him in a lie, even when almost no one else could.

“It’s getting better,” he said.

She kissed his forehead. “You look better. You’re not so thin.”

“You sayin’ I’m getting fat?”

Dylan, overhearing, laughed. “Yeah, you and Tony are both getting chubby.”

Tony’s lean, lanky figure shook with a chuckle. “Yeah. Doctor says I gotta go on a diet.”

Dominic looked at his shot glass.

“Drink up, sweetie,” Jewel said.

He swallowed down the drink, wincing at the burn, and almost immediately the glass was taken away again. Dylan was sitting beside him, chatting about everyone at the bar and what they’d been doing and who they’d been doing, and Jewel was settled comfortably in his lap, warm and friendly, with an arm draped around his shoulder.

“You know, I’ll give you a go for free, Dom, just because I’ve missed you. Just for fun?”

“I… no. Thanks, Jewel, but…”

She pressed her lips to his neck, and at the same time pressed something small and round into his hand.

“What’s that?”

“Ecstasy,” she whispered. “Don’t tell anyone… I’ve only got a few.”

Dominic stuffed the pill into his pocket, and Dylan was handing him another drink.

“Slow down!” he protested. “I said ONE drink!”

“Well, lots of small drinks is just like one big drink,” Dylan said, winking. “You want to come back to the bathroom and do a couple of lines? I’ll even let Jewel have some. Might put her in a generous mood.”

More people kept arriving, and more people kept spotting him, elbowing their way in to say hello, to ask where he’d been, to insist on buying him a drink, to tell him he looked good; some of them said it to mean he looked healthy, but some of them punctuated it with a raised eyebrow that told him they had other ideas. And hell, for all any of them knew, he was still in the business. His hands were beginning to feel clumsy, and his thoughts refused to line up coherently… how many drinks had he had? Dylan had vanished to the bathroom and come back bright-eyed and buzzing and talking a mile a minute, so apparently he’d decided to go do his lines by himself. Jewel was still on his lap, but she was starting to giggle and her kisses were becoming a bit too intimate, and someone was sticking something in his pocket, and then another drink in his hand…

Sudden, unwelcome memory of a claustrophobic room full of machines and wires. Intensive Care Unit. Trying to make his eyes focus on Billy sitting next to him.

“You told me it was okay. And that you’d stay with me.”

“Of course I’m going to stay with you! What am I going to do, go home and leave you here like this with a bunch of strangers? I’ll be here. I promise.”

“You all right?” Dylan asked, frowning. “You look all serious. You feelin’ okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Did you take that Ecstasy yet?” Jewel asked, playing with his hair.

“No. I… I just don’t…”

“Maybe it should have been me.”

“Don’t say shit like that.”

“Could have been me. More than once. If you hadn’t found me… and all you’ve been doing since then is fixing me when I fuck myself up.”

“Yeah… but it doesn’t matter.”

“What do you mean, it doesn’t matter?”

“It doesn’t matter because I love you and you’re here, and that’s the only part that matters to me.”

Too many drinks, he thought, trying to ease Jewel off his lap. And what was that little warning on his prescription bottle that said not to drink alcohol while taking this medication? A beer here and there seemed to be fine, but he was pretty sure this wasn’t.

“Hey, let me up, Jewel. I need to go outside for a minute.”

She hopped off his lap, and he bolted for the door, bracing himself against various people to get there. The cool night air sucked some of the panic out of his chest, but it didn’t stop the ground underfoot from spinning when he closed his eyes.

Billy kissing him gently.

“You’re going to be all right, you know.”

“I wish I was as sure as you are.”

“Then just let me believe it for both of us for now, okay?”

He reached for his phone, already seeing the disappointment, the weariness in Billy’s eyes, already hearing the quiet, resigned tone of his voice. He put the phone back in his pocket. He could go somewhere else. Anywhere else. Anywhere but to face Billy and see his own failure reflected in Billy’s eyes.

“Do you really think I’m fucked in the head?”

“I don’t think you know when to stop. With anything.”

And he didn’t. He never knew when to stop. Not tonight or any other night… not tonight, when he could have walked away, or had one drink, instead of ending up barely able to stand, with Jewel’s perfume all over him and the memory of a seemingly infinite number of hands on him and his pocket full of pills and phone numbers. Fuck.

He picked up his phone again and managed to coordinate his fingers to find the button for Billy’s mobile phone. It only rang twice before Billy answered it, his voice immediately anxious.

“Dom.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“I… please, Billy. You can bitch at me tomorrow, I promise. Just come get me tonight. Please…”

“Where are you, Dom?”

“Sitting on the curb outside JJ’s.”

There was just a moment of pause, and he knew Billy was putting it all together.

“Don’t go anywhere, okay? Let me talk to Dr. Mortensen and I’ll get a cab and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Everyone seemed to have moved inside at this point, leaving Dominic alone on the curb. If he was lucky, no one would figure out where he’d gone, at least for a few minutes. He rested his head on his knees and closed his eyes, hoping his hunched shoulders would tell people to leave him alone.

His phone rang.

“Yeah?”

“It’s me. I’m in a cab. Are you still there?”

“Yeah.”

“Five minutes.”

He slid the phone back into his pocket and swallowed the misery that was working its way through him and waited.

The sound of a vehicle stopping in front of him, and familiar footsteps, and then familiar hands on his head.

“Dom. Look at me.”

He raised his head, not wanting to meet Billy’s eyes. Billy tipped his head back, examining his face in the glow from the street light.

“Are you okay? Did you take anything?”

“No. Just… they kept buying me drinks, and…”

“This is one of the places you used to work, right?”

Dominic nodded, staring at the pavement.

“You didn’t take anything? Just alcohol?”

“Yeah,” he said, reaching into his pocket and shoving a few pills and the scraps of paper with scribbled phone numbers into Billy’s hands. “I didn’t want these. I don’t want them. They gave them to me and I don’t fucking want them.”

Billy frowned and tossed the handful aside into the gutter. “Shh. Dom. It’s all right.”

“It’s not all right… I fucked up again and you said I never know when to stop and I don’t…”

“But you did,” Billy said, his hands on Dominic’s face again.

“What?”

“You did stop. You just gave me a handful of pills that you didn’t take, and I know what those phone numbers were offers for, and you didn’t take those either.”

“Still, I…”

“Shh. Dom, you had too much to drink with some friends and you called for a ride to make sure you got home safe. That’s not a bad thing, okay?”

Dominic blinked back tears and looked up at him, but there was nothing hidden in Billy’s eyes, only concern and warmth.

“I didn’t mean to…”

“You don’t think everybody has a drink or two more than they needed once in a while? You did know when to stop, Dom. Before things got out of hand. Before any of that garbage you gave me. You did the right thing, okay?”

Dominic laughed bitterly. “That can’t be right.”

“Why not?”

“Because I never do the right thing. If there’s something stupid to do, I do it.”

“Not tonight,” Billy said, helping him to his feet and sliding a steadying arm around his waist.

“You’re not mad at me?”

“If I’d showed up here and you were high on pills and had a hooker on each arm, I’d be pretty mad. But no, I’m not mad at you. Here… climb into the cab. We’re going home and we’re going to sleep.”

Dominic settled into the seat, feeling a wave of drowsiness. “You gonna bitch at me in the morning?”

“No. I’m going to wake your hung-over ass up and make you cook breakfast,” Billy said, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.

“So when’s the part I get bitched at?” he asked; it seemed like he must be missing something.

“Only if you burn my toast,” Billy said, twining his finger’s with Dominic’s. “Otherwise, I think you’re off the hook.”

“Oughta… burn your fuckin’ toast on purpose.”

Billy laughed, and there was no anger in it. Dominic laid his head against Billy’s shoulder and closed his eyes, the fear falling away behind him like the miles behind the cab.


	9. Surprises

There was always concern in Billy’s voice when he saw Dominic’s number on his phone.

“Hello? Is everything all right?”

“You don’t have to ask me that every time I call, you know.”

Billy exhaled. “Sorry. Habit. What’s up?”

“You’re working till eight tonight, right?”

Billy smiled to himself. “That’s what my schedule says.”

“Hmm. So you’ve got two more hours stuck there, then,” Dominic said.

“Maybe. Why?”

“You’ve been working a shitload of overtime this week. I’ve barely seen you.”

“Sorry, Dom. You know how it gets some weeks, and Liv was sick and she’s just back today…”

“Are you off by yourself at the moment?”

“I can be. Are you going to start saying ridiculous, dirty things to me?”

“Of course I am.”

Billy laughed. “Fine. Go ahead.”

He could hear Dominic setting the phone down and shuffling something around before he picked it back up again.

“There. All nice and comfy in bed. Sucks that you’re not in it.”

“I agree.”

He could almost hear Dominic’s annoyance. “You’re supposed to ask what I’d be doing if you were in it.”

“Oh. Sorry. Didn’t know there was a script.”

“You’re no fucking fun,” Dominic sulked. “I’m just going to go entertain myself and go to sleep, and when you come home you’ll be…”

“How exactly do you plan on entertaining yourself?” Billy asked. He was mildly interested in the answer but more interested in keeping Dominic on the phone.

Dominic chuckled. “So you are interested, hmm? Thought I’d just lay here in bed for a while and play with myself… think dirty things…”

“They’d better be about me.”

“Hmm. Most of them are,” he said, then paused for a moment. “Was that a car horn? Are you outside?”

“No. Someone just pulled up outside the Emergency Department blasting their car horn. What were you saying about dirty thoughts about me?”

“Oh, mostly just things I’d like to do to you.”

“Yeah?” Billy asked. He didn’t want to say too much, or Dominic would catch the hitch in his breath from climbing the stairs.

“Mmm-hmm.”

“Are you naked?”

“Of course I am. Hard, too. I wonder how many times I can make myself come before you get home… then I’ll be passed out and you’ll just have to…”

“Have to do what?” Billy asked, carefully turning the key in the lock.

“What? Sorry. Neighbors must be moving shit around again. I said, when you get home, you’ll just have to climb into bed and lay here next to me and… Jesus fucking Christ!”

Billy stood in the bedroom doorway, still holding the phone to his ear. Dominic had dropped his phone and grabbed for the blankets and was staring at him with a wide-eyed look of alarmed confusion that was rapidly transforming into a glare.

“Hi,” Billy said, pushing the button to end the call.

“You fucking evil sneaky son of a bitch… what the fuck are you doing? You’re supposed to be at work, you asshole!”

Billy grinned; Dominic was actually breathing hard from the shock, and his eyes were still very wide. “Human Resources looked at my time card and flipped out. Said I was ten hours maxed out on overtime this week, so they called down at five and told me I had to leave. Liv was not pleased.”

“You fucking… you told me you were still at work!”

“No… you told me I was still at work.”

“You scared the shit out of me,” Dominic said, slumping back against the pillows. “You’re an evil bastard. You couldn’t just call and tell me you were coming home?”

“Why would I do that when I could sneak in and catch you wanking and scare the hell out of you? Besides, you like it.”

“I do not!”

Billy grinned. “Yeah, you do. You like the adrenaline. I know it. I can just about hear your heart racing from clear over here.”

The look in Dominic’s eyes shifted to something different. “Why don’t you come over here and you can feel it?”

Billy stripped off his clothes, kicking his shoes into a corner and tossing his pants over the dresser, hearing a handful of coins fall out of one pocket and clink to the floor. He climbed into the bed, and Dominic started to move over to make room next to him, but Billy pulled him back to the middle of the bed and straddled him, reaching up to pin his arms above his head.

“Nope. You’re all mine tonight.”

“Hey!” Dominic protested, not very convincingly.

“You’re mine. You get to play games with me all week long while I’m at work and you’re calling trying to fuck with me. Game’s on you tonight.”

Billy had gambled on this, and he’d been right. Dominic was flushed, staring up at him, the adrenaline from his earlier shock mixing with the excitement of something new and different, and in the dim light of the bedroom his pupils were wide, leaving only a trace of blue around the darkness.

“What’s in your hand?” he asked.

Billy glanced at the object in his hand as if he’d just noticed it. “Oh, this? I think you know what this is.”

Dominic eyed it suspiciously. “It looks like something you’re planning to stick in my ass.”

Billy smiled sweetly. “Possibly. What’s that look for? It’s just a little one.”

“Did you stop somewhere on the way home and buy that?”

“Possibly,” Billy said, reaching for the lube. Dominic squirmed uneasily and frowned.

“You know, normally you’d mention something like that before…”

The steady look that Billy’s eyes fixed on him, staring down at him, and the sharp edge behind the easy words, had the possibility of doing one of two things, and Billy knew it, betting that the novelty and the irresistible need to push his own limits would be stronger than the urge to squirm away and protest.

“Be quiet, Dom. I’m not going to hurt you. You know you can always tell me to stop. But tonight you’re going to lay here and let me do things to you, and unless you’re really not happy about it, you’re just going to trust me. Right?”

He knew Dominic well. He went perfectly still, and something seemed to shift in his eyes as he slowly relaxed.

“Right.”

“Good,” Billy said, slicking his new toy and making sure Dominic was watching him do it. “Just makes things a little more intense. Won’t hurt.”

“It better not,” Dominic said, with a slightly unsteady laugh. “Your cock fits in there, and…”

“Dom.”

He went silent. Billy let his eyes drift down, focusing his attention on the way Dominic’s body shifted slightly, the twitch of his cock as it hardened, the way he just slightly, probably without knowing it, let his knees open. Apparently, Billy thought, he hadn’t been wrong about this at all. Dominic shivered as Billy’s free and slid over his leg, fingers rubbing in a soothing motion.

“Don’t fucking tease,” he whispered, his voice tight. “Come on, Billy.”

All right, then, Billy thought, and he reached down and without ceremony or warning slid two slippery fingers into the tight opening. Dominic jerked up against him and swore incoherently, fists grasping at the sheets, but instead of pulling away he arched his back, trying to give those probing fingers more access. Instead, Billy pulled them away and replaced them with something else, something that was a bit colder and less yielding than Billy’s fingers. He twisted a little, then settled, eyes closed and waiting. He wasn’t expecting the next thing he felt to be Billy wrapping an arm around him and pulling him in close, kissing him. He slumped back against Billy’s supporting arm and into the kiss, not sure whether he was more distracted, or more excited, by Billy’s teeth against his lower lip or by the odd sensation in another region, but it rapidly seemed to be turning into a sort of feedback loop. Billy kissed him, pressing his mouth open and tasting him, and this sent shivers through him that seemed to focus all his muscles on clenching down on the unfamiliar object, and every time this happened, his cock seemed to somehow harden even more, until it was bordering on pain. He whined, trying to get his mouth back.

Billy kissed him once more and grinned at him. “Are you all right?”

“Fuck, no, I’m not all right. I’m about to lose my fucking mind and you haven’t done anything but kiss me. If you don’t fucking do something right now…”

“Oh, no. You’re not giving orders tonight,” Billy said, tugging at his lower lip one more time before his mouth slid down to latch onto one nipple.

“Fuck!” Dominic gasped, arching up into the sudden stimulation, but every motion reminded his body of the presence of Billy’s new toy, and he wanted to tell Billy it was too much, but part of him decided it would be much more interesting to hang on a little longer and see exactly how much “too much” might be.

After working each nipple to a tight point and leaving them exposed to the cool air, Billy slid down and took Dominic’s cock in his hand, chuckling at how eagerly it jerked at his touch and the choked moan it drew from above him. He ran a thumb over the head, finding him already slick and leaking as he thrust up into the contact.

“Fuck, Billy, you’ve got to…”

Billy’s mouth around his cock cut off his ability to form words entirely, and stars flashed behind his eyelids and he was quite certain he was going to come exactly at that moment, but Billy had his hand wrapped firmly around the base of his cock, and he seemed content for the moment just to torment him, licking up the length of it, ignoring Dominic’s desperation.

“Billy, I can’t… please…”

“Tell me to stop, and I will,” Billy said, looking up at him.

“Don’t… stop. Please don’t stop. But I need…”

“Soon,” Billy promised, and returned his attention to Dominic’s cock, feeling it pulse against the firm grip of his hand at its base, feeling Dominic’s entire body clench and twist as he reached for the climax Billy wasn’t going to let him have yet. Not yet… Billy had been on the end of more than enough of Dominic’s tormenting phone calls and bedroom games. Billy was going to ride this one as far as it would go. Just as Dominic thrust up into his mouth, he drew back and sat up, grinning. Dominic whined and twisted the sheets in his fists.

“Fuck you, Billy, you…”

“That’s not nice,” Billy said, and reached down, feeling Dominic shudder at the touch of his fingers, before he grasped the base of the toy and slid it out. Dominic gasped out something incomprehensible and almost frantic.

“Be nice, and I might let you come,” Billy said, pulling him closer and shifting his legs back.

“Fuck… I’ll be as nice as you want… I’ll be as sweet as fucking pie… just let me go, please… I can’t…”

Billy’s sharp thrust into him would have easily sent him over the edge if Billy’s hand hadn’t still been wrapped tightly around the base of his cock. As it was, the knife-edge sharpness of the sensation that soared through him was something like exquisite pain, and he struggled for words, but lost them again as Billy pulled back and thrust into him again, and again, each time sending the peak of that razor’s edge just a little higher, until finally he was vaguely aware that he was shouting, probably loud enough for people out on the street to hear him; no words, just a desperate voice to the explosive tension. He distinctly heard Billy’s soft chuckle, though, and the soft words.

“There, see? You just had to be nice.”

He pulled out and thrust in again, but this time he wasn’t holding Dominic back; his hand was stroking him firmly, and almost instantly that sharp edge of pain-pleasure peaked and sliced through him, and his brain entirely lost any connection with his body as he arched up and felt all the frantic tension in his body suddenly rush downward and explode, a sound he didn’t even recognize torn from his chest as he painted his stomach and Billy’s hand with what seemed to be endless surges, until finally it was all gone, leaving nothing in its wake but the stars against the blackness of his eyelids and the pounding of his heart, his throat raw from shouting, a throbbing ache in his lower body in the wake of his release.

It took him a long minute to realize that Billy was still there, still hard inside him, but perfectly still, waiting for him to come down enough that he could stand any more. Dominic opened his eyes and attempted to manage words.

“Billy… it’s all right… want to feel you come…”

Billy smiled and leaned over to kiss him warmly. “You sure?”

“Please. I can… just…”

“Okay,” Billy said, running soothing hands over Dominic’s shaking body before he pulled back and, carefully, slid in again. Dominic shifted, but his blue eyes were fixed on Billy, and his face was calm. Only then did it finally click in Billy’s head exactly how desperate his own body was, what watching Dominic come completely undone had done to him. He didn’t want to torture either of them anymore; he pulled Dominic’s hips into his lap and rocked into his exhausted body, fast and hard, but it only took a moment of this before the tension he’d been holding in his own body began to pour downward and then, suddenly and almost without warning, to pulse through him as he let himself go.

“Yeah,” Dominic said quietly, feeling the climax. “Fuck, Billy…”

He drew back, and almost immediately he realized that he seemed to have managed to expend every fragment of remaining energy with that climax, because his arms wouldn’t even hold him up as he sprawled beside Dominic, still rocked with small shudders. Dominic’s eyes were closed, but after a moment his head turned toward Billy and he smiled.

“I think you almost killed me.”

“I think I almost killed me,” Billy mumbled, his thoughts still scattered.

“What the hell put all that in your head tonight?” Dominic asked, running a lazy hand through Billy’s hair.

“Imagining the look on your face when I opened the door and found you talking on the phone and jerking off.”

“That’s what made you decide to stop and get…”

“I didn’t buy that today. I’ve been saving it.”

“Saving it for what?”

Billy shrugged. “A day when I thought you’d let me see how far I could push you.”

“Hmm,” Dominic murmured sleepily. “What made you think I wanted pushed?”

“You need your adrenaline fix. I can see it, when you start to get that look… you’ve had it for the past week. And I figured if I don’t want you going out and finding some kind of stupid, dangerous way to get your adrenaline fix, I’d better figure out how to give it to you.”

Dominic grinned, eyes drifting closed. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh. What’s your plan for next time?”

“Fuck off. I haven’t got that far yet. Maybe I’ll push you out of a plane or something.”

Dominic yawned. “Sounds good. Next weekend, maybe.”

“You’re nuts, Dom. Go to sleep.”

“Mmm-hmm.”

Billy would have liked to stay awake for a few minutes; he loved to watch Dominic sprawled and peaceful in sleep, his face relaxed, his breathing steady, but tonight he was just as tired, and was asleep before he could even think about trying not to be.


	10. Tonight

“Where are we going that I need a suit?” Dominic asked, setting down the pie he’d just removed from the oven and setting down his oven mitts.

“Just out to eat,” Billy said. “I didn’t say you needed a suit… just something along those lines. Like a nice shirt and tie and maybe a jacket or something like that. And no black fingernail polish.”

Dominic studied his hands and rolled his eyes in mock annoyance. “And I just put this on, too.”

“I’m serious,” Billy said, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. “We’re going this evening as soon as I get home from work and get showered and dressed, so if you need something to wear…”

“No, I don’t need any money,” Dominic said, waving his hand dismissively. “I can go buy my own clothes. And yes, decent ones.”

Billy laughed. “I forget how lucrative your little deal with the café has turned out to be.”

Dominic chuckled. “If I’d known my pies were worth more than my ass…”

Billy sidled closer. “Yeah, but at least I occasionally get a piece of your ass… but I never get a piece of your pie.”

“Like I said, I make more money on the pie,” Dominic said, pushing the oven-hot pie down the counter away from Billy. “Aren’t you supposed to be leaving for work?”

“Yes. Are you going to go get something decent to wear?”

Dominic met his eyes and nodded. “All right, all right. Yes, I will. I’m going to deliver all these cookies and pies down to the café, and then I’ll head over to one of the department stores and do some shopping.”

Billy looked at him suspiciously. “Have you ever bought a suit?”

“I wore one to a funeral when I was nine.”

“Dom…”

“I’ll get somebody to help me, all right? I promise… when you show up here tonight, I’ll look presentable to go wherever you want to take me.”

Billy reached for his bag, satisfied that he’d gotten across to Dominic that he wasn’t playing and wouldn’t be amused if he came home and found him in something ridiculous. As he walked out the door, he could hear Dominic humming to himself as he stacked boxes of cookies. He’d been a bit nervous that Dominic would take offense and argue that there was nothing wrong with his usual attire or that he didn’t want to go to any place where he had to dress up, but Dominic had been in a cheerful enough mood this morning. Maybe it was having the money of his own to go out and buy a proper outfit for going out. It was hard to guess; no matter how well Billy thought he knew him and could read his moods, there were still occasional surprises.

.....

Having managed to switch a few night shifts for day shifts with one of the other nurses, Billy found himself somewhat bored with the lack of interesting trauma that came into the emergency department on a weekday afternoon; it reminded him why he’d stayed on the twelve-hour overnight shifts he usually worked. Crying children with ear infections or old people with shortness of breath or chest pain obviously needed his attention, but not the kind of attention a multiple-vehicle accident with several ambulances headed their way required. He said as much to Orlando as they crossed paths at the entry to the emergency department, Orlando arriving for the evening just as Billy was heading out.

“Of course you’d like that better,” Orlando said, grinning.

“Why? I don’t like being bored, that’s all.”

“No, you like constantly being ready for the shit to hit the fan. That’s why you’ve got such a thing for certain mentally unstable young men.”

Billy rolled his eyes. “So I like to be constantly on edge, and you like pimps.”

Orlando flushed and glanced over his shoulder. “Would you please fucking stop calling him that? At least in public? Besides… Karl’s not… you know. He’s not some kind of sleazy… not like you’d…”

Billy patted his shoulder. “I know. I’ve known Karl for years and I know when someone says ‘pimp’ he’s the last thing you think of. But people make assumptions about him and it pisses you off, yeah?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Well, then, fuck off about Dom, before I have to do something about it.”

Orlando laughed. “Like what?”

Billy raised an eyebrow. “You’re taller, but which one of us do you think is stronger? Go in and ask Liv which one of us would win in a fight, and she’ll laugh in your face and tell you not to try it. You don’t like people talking shit about Karl just because of who they think he is. I don’t like you talking shit about Dom just because of who you think he is. And yeah, if you don’t fucking stop, I’m going to put a foot up your ass and make sure your jaw’s sore for a week.”

Orlando stepped back, raising his hands. “Okay, okay! What’s gotten into you? I’ve never heard you threaten to start a fight with anybody!”

“Yeah, well, that’s because I don’t. But if you don’t stop running your mouth about Dom, I’m going to kick your ass, and I’m not going to do a half-assed job of it, either. So keep that in mind before you open your big mouth again.”

Orlando opened his mouth, closed it, and nodded. “All right.”

Billy smiled pleasantly and extended a hand, which Orlando hesitantly shook.

“Have fun tonight without me. Liv just got in and she’s in a fucking awful mood, and Doris is going to be on a rampage tonight because someone didn’t bring any coffee for the coffee maker.”

“Yay,” Orlando said, still looking somewhat uncertain.

“I didn’t say I wanted to kick your ass,” Billy said, his tone cheerful. “Just wanted to make sure you knew I would.”

 

.....

He waited until he had walked almost all the way home before pulling his phone out of his coat pocket and dialing Orlando’s cell phone number.

“Yeah,” Orlando answered wearily.

“You asked Liv, didn’t you.”

“Yeah.”

Billy grinned to himself. “What’d she say?”

“Umm… I think her exact words were that you would kick my pretty little ass into the pavement.”

“Tell her I said hello,” Billy said, and hung up.

 

.....

He’d walked slowly, hoping that even with Dominic’s questionable grasp of scheduling he would be home and dressed by now, but slightly afraid of what he’d find when he arrived. One thing he did not expect to find, however, was a slender young woman with bright red hair in pigtails sitting on the kitchen table.

“Hello?”

She jumped and hopped off the table, spinning around. Billy realized she was strikingly pretty, and her thin gray tank top and jeans riding low on her hips made sure that it was hard not to notice.

“You scared me!” she gasped.

“This is my apartment…”

“So you’re Billy!” she exclaimed. “Dommie’s been talking about you all day. He’s getting dressed.”

Billy blinked, slightly puzzled. “And you are…”

She giggled. “I’m sorry. I’m Jewel.”

“You’re… a friend of Dom’s?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

“We’ve been friends forever…” she said, and then her eyes widened. “No, no… not like that kind of friends. I know him because of Karl… I mean, you know who Karl is? I don’t… shit.”

Billy laughed and motioned to one of the chairs at the table. “Sit down, Jewel. Yeah, I know who Karl is. I’ve known Karl for a while.”

“I’ve never met you… well, of course I haven’t… obviously, since I guess you and Dommie… I mean, you probably never hired any girls… fuck! I should stop talking.”

She slumped in her chair, face almost as red as her hair.

“Relax,” Billy said. “Let me guess… Dom called you up to help him go shopping.”

“Yeah… is that okay?”

“Of course it’s okay. As long as he doesn’t look like an ass.”

“I tried to help him pick out something nice. I hope you don’t think… I mean…”

Billy pulled out a chair and sat down. “Are you always this nervous?”

She smiled almost shyly. “Most of the time, yeah. I always have a few pills or a few drinks before I go off with someone… that way I don’t talk so much.”

Dominic’s voice came from behind the bathroom door. “I tried to tell her she’s cuter when she’s not high, but nobody ever listens to me!”

Billy glanced at the girl, who was absently worrying at one fingernail with her teeth. She caught him watching her and dropped her hands into her lap.

“Dommie thinks I should stop… you know. Maybe I will. I’m not really good at anything else, though…”

“They’re always hiring for something at the hospital,” Billy said. “Especially if you don’t mind working nights.”

She giggled. “I only work nights.”

“Well, I could ask around…”

“You’re going to end up with an entire hospital staff of ex-hookers if you keep it up!” Dominic called.

“Are you almost ready?” Billy demanded. “I still have to take a shower yet before I can get dressed, and we’re going to be late!”

A frustrated sigh, and another minute of fussing, and the bathroom door opened. Dominic stepped out, eyes flashing between Billy and Jewel as if daring either one of them to say anything.

“Wow,” Billy managed.

Jewel beamed. “I told you so.”

It took Billy a moment to capture the whole picture: the dark blond hair spiked on top but neatly trimmed at the sides, the clean-shaven face, the blue eyes magnetized by a sharp, thin edge of black eyeliner. The crisp white shirt, unbuttoned at the collar and rolled up at the sleeves, with a blue patterned tie loosely knotted below his throat and tucked into the front of a perfectly fitted charcoal gray vest, complete with buttons and a small chest pocket. The edges of the shirt hung untucked beneath the edge of the vest, and then there were neat black pants and new black shoes. There was a simple but well-made watch with a black leather band around one wrist, and a series of thin black leather bracelets, some braided, some with a few silver beads, around the other. Dominic gave him a sharp look.

“What? No leather? Want my tie fixed? If you…”

“No, no, no… leave everything just like that,” Billy murmured, dazed.

Jewel laughed and stood up, smoothing down a few untidy strands of hair along the back of Dominic’s head before planting a kiss on his cheek.

“See, sweetie? I told you he’d like it. Anyone would like it.”

Dominic eyed Billy suspiciously. “Thought you’d be mad it wasn’t a suit.”

“No… it’s…” Billy said, attempting to think. “It’s you. It’s perfect.”

“Then why are you staring at me like that?” Dominic demanded.

“Because I can’t seem to stop.”

That finally won a hint of a smile from Dominic, and a giggle from Jewel. She kissed his cheek again before releasing him.

“My job here is done. Have fun, Dommie.”

She stopped, and for a moment Billy swore she looked suddenly sad. Dominic caught it too, and frowned.

“What?”

She sniffed and forced a smile. “I just never thought I’d see you look so good. I mean, not just the clothes…”

Dominic squeezed her tightly. “Hey. It’s good, right?”

She smiled and carefully wiped away a tear that was threatening to smudge her makeup before glancing over at Billy.

“Whatever you did to him… maybe you can do it to me next.”

Billy laughed. “I don’t think I’d use quite the same methods. But let me talk to Dom and talk to some people at the hospital, and I’ll see what I can find out.”

He was surprised to find that suddenly those lips were being pressed to his cheek instead of Dominic’s.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For taking care of Dommie for me.”

She straightened up and was out of the kitchen and out the door before either one of them could say anything else. Dominic leaned back against the wall of the kitchen, brushing imaginary specks of dust off his vest.

“You sure I look all right?”

“All right?” Billy repeated. “Shit. If it wasn’t for not wanting to mess up your clothes, I’d be fucking you right now.”

Dominic chuckled. “That doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for a nice dinner.”

“It is if you don’t mind everyone in the restaurant running into each other and dropping plates because they’re all looking at you.”

“Flattery will get you… well, I suppose it’ll probably get you somewhere,” Dominic conceded, smirking.

“Hell, I’d better go get dressed… like anyone’s going to notice me anyway.”

“You’re not just saying that? You really think I look all right?”

“Dom… you look fucking amazing. Give me a few minutes to get ready, and we’ll get out of here.”

“What do you have planned, anyway?”

“You’ll see.”

 

 

Dominic leaned back to look out the window of the cab.

“This is a hotel. A really nice hotel.”

“The restaurant is downstairs in the hotel,” Billy said, opening his door. “Come on… I promise, the food’s really good.”

“It’s not one of those places you get one shrimp and some grass and a little tomato sculpture on a square plate for your dinner, is it?”

Billy rolled his eyes. “Like I’d really want to eat at one of those places? No. The dress code’s upscale, but we’re here because they specialize in really, really good steaks.”

Dominic stepped out and shut the cab door, looking up at the tall buildings of downtown with their lights drowning out the stars and reducing the moon to a weak splotch in the sky. Most of them were office buildings, their glass doors locked and expansive lobbies dark.

“There’s other places to get good steaks,” Dominic said, shifting uneasily.

Billy grabbed his arm and squeezed it. “Look... I’m not doing this just to torture you. I promise.”

“No… I think you’re doing it to torture me AND to have an excuse to make me dress up,” Dominic retorted, with a twitch of a smirk.

“Getting you dressed up had something to do with it… and hell, it was so worth it,” Billy said. “I had to spend most of the ride over here trying not to think about how badly I wanted to take all those clothes off you, one piece at a time.”

Dominic licked his lips. “I’d be fine with that.”

“We’ll get there. But first, we’re going to eat dinner.”

 

 

Billy felt Dominic tense beside him as they stepped into the restaurant and were immediately met by a tall woman in a white blouse and black skirt who gave them both a brisk looking-over. She seemed to approve of what she say, because she stepped behind her podium and opened her very large book.

“Name?”

“Boyd.”

“Perfect. Your table is ready.”

She turned briskly and walked into the low light over the tables, which allowed the candles on each table to cast warm shadows in their orange glass containers. Almost all the tables were occupied, and Billy glanced at the shadowed figures in jackets and ties, dresses and blouses. Quiet voices rose as a soft murmur above the subdued music playing from somewhere overhead. The chairs and tables were heavy and dark in the quiet shadows, and waiters and waitresses in impeccable black and white leaned in close and spoke in soft voices or floated past with trays that appeared effortlessly balanced.

“It’s too quiet,” Dominic muttered.

“It’s supposed to be,” Billy said softly. “You don’t come here to have to listen to loud drunk people or screaming kids.”

“I suppose I’m not terribly fond of screaming kids,” Dominic said, still edgy, “and I don’t like to listen to loud drunk people unless I’m drunk with them.”

“Not tonight. We’ll have some wine but I’m not having you fall asleep on me before I get to do what I’ve been thinking about all evening.”

Dominic tried not to smile. “You so sure you’re going to get some?”

“I thought it was expected that one’s date would put out after being taken out to a fancy dinner,” Billy said, grinning as Dominic bit back a chuckle.

“Since when do you have to take me out to a fancy dinner to get me to put out?”

“Hush!” Billy hissed, as one of the waitresses gave him a questioning look.

The tall woman motioned to a small table near the wall, with candles already lit. “Your table.”

“Thank you,” Billy said, and she breezed away. Dominic grinned and spun on his heels in a mockery of her brisk manner. Billy laughed and pulled out a chair for him.

“Sit down before you get us in trouble.”

“Fine,” Dominic sighed, sitting down. “Didn’t you say there was going to be wine? I could use some right about now.”

“They’ll bring a wine list.”

“Fuck… just tell them you want some wine.”

Dominic finally relaxed somewhat as the pretty blond waitress came to the table and immediately turned her bright smile on him before glancing at Billy.

“See? I tried to tell you that you looked fine.”

Dominic adjusted his watch. “Can’t help it if girls can’t keep their eyes off me.”

“Pompous ass.”

“Jealous?” Dominic asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah. All kinds of worried that you’re going to run off with a waitress.”

 

 

Billy didn’t care much what he was saying; as long as they were talking about something, Dominic wasn’t looking around nervously and he wasn’t fussing at his clothes. Eventually they had plates in front of them with steaks and baked potatoes and steamed vegetables, and Dominic had to admit that they were, in fact, pretty damn good steaks, even as he picked at it gingerly, trying to make sure he didn’t get a spot on his clothes.

“Relax,” Billy said.

Dominic looked up. “What?”

“I don’t care if you drop half your steak in your lap. Those clothes are going to be on the floor within an hour anyway.”

“Within an hour, huh?” Dominic asked. “Aren’t you being a little optimistic? It was a half-hour cab ride over here.”

“True,” Billy said. “But our hotel room’s a two-minute elevator ride.”

“Hotel room?”

“Yes, hotel room.”

“What do we need a hotel room for?”

“Because I don’t feel like waiting till we get home to…”

“Stop it,” Dominic said sharply, eyes narrowing.

Billy set down his fork. “What?”

“Stop fucking around. What’s this all about? What’s the game? I have to get dressed up and then we’re here for dinner and now there’s a hotel room? You know I’m not a big fucking fan of surprises, Billy.”

Billy nodded slowly. “All right. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to stress you out. It’s not a game, and I’m not just fucking with you, okay?”

Dominic leaned back and crossed his arms. “Then what is all this?”

Billy sighed. “Well, I was going to wait till after dinner, at least, but…”

“Wait for what?” Dominic demanded, shifting in his chair, his jaw hardening. “Stop it. I don’t like this.”

“Damnit, Dom, I’m trying to…” Billy ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. “Fine. Here.”

He reached into his pocket and set a small black box on the table between them. Dominic eyed it as if it might be a loaded weapon.

“What’s that?”

“You’re the one who didn’t want to wait. Open it.”

Dominic cautiously slid the little box across the table and flipped the lid open. He looked up at Billy, frustration edged with puzzlement.

“What…”

Billy took the box back and took one of the two plain silver rings out before sliding it back to Dominic. “There’s a chain in there, if you don’t want to wear it like… or if you won’t want to wear it at all…”

Dominic picked up the ring and studied it, frowning. “Is there something written on the inside of it? It’s dark… I can’t see.”

Billy lowered his eyes. “Yeah.”

“Well, bastard, tell me what it says!”

Billy looked up, surprised to hear an edge of something bright and questioning in Dominic’s voice, replacing the anger.

“If you call me names, I won’t tell you.”

“Fuck you. What does it say?”

Billy bit his lip, starting to wonder if he’d done this completely and totally wrong. “It says, ‘If you can give it, I can take it’.”

He waited, afraid to look Dominic in the face, and didn’t exhale until he heard Dominic laugh.

“Is that a threat?”

“No,” Billy said quietly. “It’s a promise.”

Dominic stopped laughing, turning the ring around in his fingers. “Is that one yours?”

“Yeah.”

“Why are you doing this?” he demanded, suddenly on edge again.

“Look, maybe I fucked it all up,” Billy said, rubbing his face. “I… all right, listen. You remember the first time we were together, and we fell asleep, and you told me to just wake you up and tell you when I wanted you to leave?”

“Yeah. I remember that.”

“Well… it feels sort of like you’ve never stopped waiting for me to wake you up and tell you I want you to leave.”

Dominic took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair, silent.

“I’m trying to tell you I’m not going to tell you to leave. I don’t want you waiting for the day I decide I’m just tired of you, because it’s not going to happen. I was looking at apartments… there are some bigger ones, and I found one I thought you’d like… it’s got a huge kitchen and one of those double ovens where you can bake two different things at once… I want a place that’s ours, with both of our names on it, instead of you feeling like you’re just staying with me. I want… everything to be ours. I was trying to think of how to get it through your head that I don’t want you to leave… ever. I love you and you keep thinking I’m going to get sick of you but I’m not, and…”

Dominic pushed his chair back, stood up, and abruptly walked away from the table and toward the door.

“Fuck,” Billy sighed, resting his head in his hands.

 

 

He sat that way for a while, not wanting to look up and see the other people looking at him and the empty chair across from him, not wanting to look at the ring lying on the table. He was starting to think that at some point he was going to have to pay the bill and leave, because he couldn’t sit here all night, when someone tapped him lightly on the shoulder. He looked up, startled; it was the pretty blond waitress with the bright smile.

“Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to surprise you. I just wanted to tell you… your friend… he didn’t leave.”

“He didn’t?”

“No. He’s been standing outside on the sidewalk, but he’s still out there. He doesn’t look like he’s planning on going anywhere.”

Billy sat up, trying to look less miserable. “Thank you.”

She glanced at the box on the table and smiled. “Maybe he’s just thinking. People have to take a minute to do that sometimes, you know.”

Her heels clicked quietly as she walked away.

The next set of footsteps that came to the table did not have the click of heels, but Billy didn’t want to look up, afraid it was just a waiter. The chair across from him slid, and when he finally did look up, Dominic was sitting across from him, pinning him with an intent blue-eyed stare.

“Fuck. I thought you left.”

Dominic shook his head. “No. I just… didn’t know what to say. You know… I don’t handle surprises very well. And all this…”

He gestured around the restaurant.

“I’m sorry, Dom. I just… I’ve tried to tell you all this before, and you never really believe me. This was the only way I could think of to really try to make you understand… I’m not just talking. I want you forever, and I can’t get you to believe it.”

Dominic smiled slightly. “I take a lot of convincing.”

“Do you believe me now?”

Dominic reached out and picked up the ring again. “You know, that’s not exactly a romantic inscription.”

“You wouldn’t have liked it if it was,” Billy said, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly. “I thought about it, but…”

“I like it,” Dominic said, and slid the ring deliberately onto his left ring finger, studying it. “I think it’s a threat and a promise.”

“Would you really have it any other way?”

“No,” Dominic said, and his smile was genuine now. “Does yours say anything?”

“Not yet. I didn’t know… maybe there was something you wanted it to say.”

Dominic smirked. “I’ll have to think about that. Are you going to put it on?”

“Shit… of course I am.”

Dominic watched him. “Looks good on you.”

Billy laughed breathlessly. “Looks better on you.”

“You mean it, then. About… a place that’s both of ours? And about wanting this… and that you’re not going to stop wanting this?”

“Dom… I wanted you to stay before I even got you through my door. And I’ve never wanted you to leave. I never want you to leave. Do you really think I could just give you up? I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re part of every part of my life… when I’m not with you, I’m thinking about you.”

“I piss you off an awful lot.”

“Yeah, and I don’t care. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t… I guess you wouldn’t be you.”

“So you love me because I’m an asshole,” Dominic said, laughing.

“No… I love you. You just happen to be an asshole.”

“I don’t think you’re supposed to call someone an asshole when you just gave them a ring.”

“I don’t think you’re supposed to fucking walk out and give someone a heart attack when they give you a ring.”

Dominic looked down at his plate. “Do you think they’d put this in a box for us?”

“Probably. Why?”

“Because it’s pretty good, but it’s really hard to pay attention to dinner when I know we’re a couple of minutes away from you stripping me naked.”

Billy swallowed hard, the image racing through his head. “Fuck, yes.”

“You want me now, or you want to finish your broccoli?”

Billy glared at him. “Are you serious? You can’t talk about me stripping you naked and expect me to think about anything else.”

Dominic grinned and held up his hand, the plain ring catching the candlelight. “Yeah… think about me not wearing a single thing except this.”

Billy looked around desperately. The waitress had apparently been watching them, because she popped over to their table at soon as he caught her eye. She glanced down at Dominic’s hand and turned to give Billy a quick smile.

“Can I get something for you fellows?”

Billy fumbled for his wallet and handed her his credit card. “Just the bill. Umm… and two boxes.”

She winked. “I’ll make it quick, honey. Looks like you might be in a hurry to get out of here.”

“You have no idea,” Billy murmured, as she walked away.

“She’d better hurry up,” Dominic said, and Billy jumped when he felt Dominic’s foot running up the inside of his leg. “It’d be embarrassing if you had to walk all the way through here to the door with a hard-on.”

“Goddamnit, Dominic…”

“Should I start telling you what I’m going to do in the elevator on the way up to our room?”

Billy grimaced. “No. Stop it. I still have to go to the front desk and get our room key.”

“Mmm-hmm. Well, you’ll have to manage to do that while you’re thinking about how much of this outfit I can get out of before the elevator gets to our floor.”

“It’s only the second floor, Dom.”

He grinned. “Well, I suppose that’s a good thing. They’d probably kick us out if we got to the fifteenth floor and some old lady fainted when I got out of the elevator naked.”

Billy looked over his shoulder, feeling himself start to sweat under his jacket as his pants started to become uncomfortably tight.

“You’re such an asshole…”

Dominic held up his hand again. “You said if I can give it, you can take it.”

“Oh, but that so doesn’t mean I’m not taking it out on your ass when I get the chance.”

“Give me what you’ve got,” Dominic said, eyes bright blue and challenging.

Billy shifted in his chair. Dominic deliberately licked his lips.

“Does the room have a nice big bed?”

“It’s supposed to,” Billy said, looking around for the waitress.

“Do you think the people in the rooms next to ours will be calling the front desk to complain about all the noises?”

Billy closed his eyes and tried to focus on managing to get to the front desk and get the room key instead of thinking about the kind of noises the neighboring rooms might be hearing, but it wasn’t working very well.

“You’re really, really distracting.”

Dominic smiled. “I’m really, really good at it.”

 

 

Billy tried very hard to ignore Dominic leaning against the wall by the elevators, wrapping his tie around his fingers. The clerk at the desk was trying to tell him something about check-out times and room service and use of the hotel exercise facilities, but most of it was going in one ear and out the other, since the space in between the two was almost completely full of Dominic in various stages of undress.

“Excuse me, sir? Did you want your bag?”

“What? Oh. Yes.”

Billy took the two key cards and the stuffed travel bag he’d dropped off at the desk that morning before work. The clerk looked at him expectantly, and he realized he was supposed to answer a question.

“I’m sorry?”

“I said, will there be anything else I can help you with this evening?”

“No. No thanks. That’ll be everything.”

He walked toward the elevators and did his very best not to look at Dominic as he pushed the button.

“What’s in the bag?” Dominic asked.

“Change of clothes for both of us for tomorrow.”

“That all?”

“Maybe a few other essentials.”

Dominic slid a step closer. “Like what?”

A bell dinged, and the elevator doors slid open. Billy stepped in with Dominic so close behind him that he very deliberately bumped into Billy’s ass on the way in. Billy didn’t know whether to be extremely disappointed or extremely relieved when a young woman in a blue evening dress came hurrying toward them in her very high heels, waving for them to hold the elevator.

“Close the door!” Dominic hissed.

“I’m not going to be a dick. She knows we’ve seen her.”

Dominic muttered something and sank back into the corner, sulking, as the young woman breathlessly burst into the elevator.

“Thank you… fifth floor, please…”

Catching her breath, she took a moment to look up. Her eyes, with their expertly applied makeup, fell on Billy, then drifted to Dominic and stayed there. Billy was close enough to see her pupils widen slightly. Dominic felt the look, straightened up, and gave her his best knowing smirk, blue eyes half-hidden behind lowered eyelashes. The young woman shifted on her heels and Billy heard her breath change just slightly.

“Are you…” she began, but at that moment the elevator bell rang again and the doors slid open at the second floor.

“Sorry, love,” Dominic said, grinning at her as Billy grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out of the elevator. “I’m taken for the night. Ask down at the front desk, though… I think I’m free for booking tomorrow evening!”

The doors slid closed on the young woman’s stunned expression. Billy glared at Dominic.

“You’re an evil bastard when you want to be.”

“Well, she was staring…”

“I noticed. So were half the people in the restaurant. I’ll bet if you set up a bidding war in the lobby for the chance to spend the night with you looking like that, I’d be out in the first round… they’d be bidding more than I make in a month.”

They had reached their room, but Billy’s attempt to get the tricky key card to trigger the lock was hampered by Dominic’s hands on his ass.

“If you don’t quit that, we’ll never get… there!” he exclaimed, as the light finally flashed green and the handle on the door turned.

They stepped into the room, and Dominic glanced around at the vast king-sized bed, the counter with coffee machine and a selection of brews, a mini-fridge, and a folded card describing the various services that could be ordered to the room.

“I don’t think we’ll need to bother with the TV,” Billy said, tossing the remote control off the nightstand and setting down his bag under the lamp so he could rummage through it.

Dominic bounced on the bed. “Hey! This is nice!”

“Go look in the bathroom,” Billy said, grinning.

Dominic walked around the corner into the bathroom, and Billy heard his exclamation of surprise.

“Fuck! There’s a whirlpool tub in here!”

“I thought we might need it later,” Billy said, finding the bottle of lube he’d stashed at the bottom of the bag in case someone behind the hotel desk decided to poke through it.

Dominic strolled out of the bathroom and grabbed Billy around the waist. “Well, no reason to waste any time, is there?”

His fingers easily found the buckle of Billy’s belt, and in a moment it was undone and long fingers were working on his pants.

“Hey, there,” he said, turning around in Dominic’s arms and kissing him. “Not yet.”

Dominic whined against Billy’s lips. “Why not?”

“You told me I was going to get to take every piece of that outfit off of you.”

Dominic scowled. “That’s going to take forever, knowing you.”

Billy steered him backwards to the corner of the room nearest to the curtained window, where there was a reasonably sturdy-looking table. He kicked one of the chairs out of the way and pushed Dominic against the table.

“Up.”

Dominic laughed, but obediently hopped up onto the table, his feet swinging in the air. Billy bent down and pulled off his shoes and socks, tossing them aside. When he stood back up, Dominic grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him in, biting lightly at his neck and then licking a trail up his jaw as he pushed Billy’s jacket off his shoulders. Billy shrugged out of it and stepped away.

“You’re supposed to be letting me do this.”

“You’re taking too long.”

Billy chuckled and began unbuttoning Dominic’s vest. Impatient, Dominic’s hands were working just under his, undoing the smaller buttons of his shirt until he could squirm his way out of both. Billy had to take a moment to breathe and look over his handiwork so far: Dominic in nothing but his black dress pants and the black leather around his wrists and the tie loosely knotted over his chest.

“Fuck,” he murmured.

“Can I get down now?”

“No,” Billy said, moving closer, his hands sliding behind Dominic’s bare back while his mouth set to work on the exposed chest. “Lean back.”

Dominic gave him a quizzical look, but allowed Billy’s hands to lower him until his back met the cold surface of the table. He shuddered and tried to sit up, but Billy was pinning him down now, hands grasping Dominic’s arms, teeth dragging a sharp path over his shoulder.

“Stay right there,” Billy said.

“Why?”

“Because I said so.”

Dominic closed his eyes, feeling Billy’s hands working at his belt, and a moment later his pants and everything under them were pulled down and tossed away.

“Slide back,” Billy said, in that low voice that went straight to Dominic’s stomach.

“Now my ass is cold too!” he protested.

“It won’t be,” Billy said, leaning over and wrapping Dominic’s tie in his hand as he licked his way up his chest, crowding closer. Dominic let him push between his knees, his legs almost without command from his brain wrapping tightly around Billy’s waist to pull him in, feeling the fabric of his clothes rubbing against his bare cock as Billy tugged on one nipple and then the other with his teeth. Dominic arched his back and dug his heels in.

“This isn’t… as soft as the bed…” he attempted to protest.

“Bed will be there later,” Billy said, a rough urgency in his voice, and his hands were gone, working quickly to unbutton his own trousers and freeing his cock, pressing it against Dominic’s bare thigh to let him feel the sudden heat of it. He gasped.

“Can’t even wait to get to bed?”

“Why bother?” Billy murmured, pulling away just long enough to grab the lube and then slipping back into the tight grasp of Dominic’s strong legs. “This will work just fine.”

“It’s… mph… cold…”

“You won’t notice in a minute,” Billy said, and one hand was slicking his own cock while his other arm was across Dominic’s abdomen, trying to keep him from sitting up and grabbing for him. Dominic whined.

“Stop fucking around.”

“What’s the hurry?”

“Oh, come on!”

Billy shrugged; he wasn’t really inclined to play too much longer either. He grasped Dominic’s hips and lifted them, angling just right for the smooth, steady slide inside. Dominic bit his lip, and his fingers gripped at the edge of the table.

“Yeah…”

Billy closed his eyes for a moment; watching Dominic like that was going to make this end faster than he wanted it to. Dominic gripped him with his legs and dug his heels into his lower back, trying to pull him in even deeper.

Billy shook his head. As good as it felt to have Dominic’s bare legs around him like this, it gave him more control than Billy wanted him to have. He slid his hands under the naked thighs and pushed them up and back. Dominic’s groan might have been a protest, but he made no attempt to resist as Billy hooked his legs over his shoulders, lifting his hips even further off the table and letting Billy push himself even deeper. Dominic’s heels thumped against his back, and he could feel the muscular thighs pressed against his chest start to tighten as Billy thrust into him again.

“That good?”

“Fuck,” Dominic exhaled. “Just like that… just like that… except more.”

Billy buried himself as deep as he could, and Dominic arched his back, trying to take even more. Billy had to stop for a moment, his hands gripping Dominic’s thighs, to look down at him with his eyes closer, his head tossed back, muscles in his arms corded from the force of his grip on the edge of the table, sweat starting to darken the fine blond hair around his ears and across his forehead.

“Are you still mad at me from dinner?” Billy asked.

Dominic’s eyes flew open. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Billy shifted the weight of Dominic’s weight over his shoulders and ground his hips against him. “It’s a yes or no question.”

“No, I’m not mad at you… just fucking stop playing and… oh, fuck!”

Billy thrust into him hard enough to make the edge of the table dig into Dominic’s back, knocking all the words out of him and leaving him gasping. His hands grasped at the table, at Billy’s arms, searching frantically for something to hold onto to steady himself.

“Billy… please…”

Billy’s shoulders were starting to ache. He wrapped his hand around Dominic’s cock, finding it already slippery. Dominic thrust up into his hand and his fingers dug into Billy’s arms hard enough for each finger to leave its own individual bruise. Billy couldn’t help but moan at the feel of Dominic’s body gripping his cock almost as hard as his hands were gripping his arms, an almost painfully exquisite clenching in time with the jerks of Dominic’s hips and the streaks that splattered across his stomach.

They held onto each other for a breathless minute while Dominic slowly relaxed his grip on Billy’s arms. Billy drew back enough to let the weight of Dominic’s legs off his shoulders before slumping forward to rest his forehead against his hip.

“What? Too much work for you?” Dominic asked, his voice rough from the sounds that had made not long ago.

“You’re heavy.”

“You decided to…”

“Fuck off,” Billy said, chuckling. He stepped back and slumped into the chair.

“Those pants are ruined. And so is that shirt.”

Billy shrugged. “Totally worth it. Worth getting dressed up for?”

Dominic laughed. “Yeah. Actually, I sort of liked it.”

“Mmm. You should do it more often.”

“If I do, will you fuck me like that more often?”

Billy winced. “I don’t know if my back can handle that. And it’d be tough to have to explain to Dr. Mortensen and the schedulers at the hospital about this recurring back injury I keep getting.”

Dominic dragged himself upright, completely disheveled, his hair sweaty and spiked in all directions, eyes still wide and dark.

“I’ll bet that bath in there could do nice things for your back.”

“Oh, shit. That sounds fantastic.”

 

.  
.  
.

Dominic held up one foot out of the water and examined it.

“My toes are wrinkling.”

Billy shrugged. “I told you, you can get out any time you want.”

Dominic considered it for a moment, then yawned and slumped back with his head on Billy’s shoulder, closing his eyes.

“We’re going to fall asleep without even making proper use of that bed, aren’t we,” he said.

Billy smiled. “Checkout isn’t until eleven tomorrow.”

“Oh, hell. We can make all kinds of a mess of the bed by then.”

“I don’t envy the maids who have to clean up in here tomorrow,” Billy said absently.

“It’s a hotel. They’re used to finding come all over the sheets.”

“They’re probably not used to finding it all over the table and chairs.”

“That was your fault,” Dominic pointed out.

“Yup.”

The water splashed and fizzed around them for a few minutes, and Billy thought Dominic might actually have fallen asleep until he spoke.

“I decided what I want you to get put on your ring.”

“Oh? It better not be ‘I’m a fuckwad’ or something like that.”

Dominic glanced up at him. “No more turning away.”

“What?”

“You know, the song, ‘On the Turning Away,’ right?”

“Yeah, but you’re too young to be listening to Pink Floyd,” Billy said, running his definitely wrinkled fingers through Dominic’s wet hair. “No more turning away?”

“Yeah. I mean… at least to try, anyway. When you’re trying to tell me things and I’m not sure I want to hear them. You said yours was a promise?”

“You said it was a threat.”

“I guess mine’s a promise to try. If that’s… I mean, I can think of something else…”

Billy shook his head, pressing his face into Dominic’s hair. “No. That’s just fine.”

Dominic grinned with obvious relief. “Good. I didn’t want to have to try to think of something better.”

“You’re such an ass.”

“If we don’t get out of this tub, I’m going to have a pruned and wrinkled ass.”

“Can I take pictures of it?”

“Fuck you,” Dominic said, stumbling to his feet and grabbing a towel to cover any potentially pruned body parts. “You better get out of there before you fall asleep, or you’ll look like a raisin.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming.”

Dominic smirked over his shoulder as he opened the bathroom door. “Save that line for tomorrow morning.”

“That’s so stupid…”

“We’ll see.”

 

.  
.  
.

Billy had only wandered into the room to make sure that Doris wasn’t having difficulty with her patient, unlikely as that was. However, he walked in to find that the previously agitated drunk in four-point restraints on the bed was now snoring loudly while Doris was busy checking to make sure he wasn’t going to get the restraints off when he woke up.

“Need any help there, Doris?”

The bulldog-faced nurse turned her usual scowl on him. “Check those leg restraints.”

Billy was tugging to make sure the leg cuffs were securely fastened to the bed when he noticed Doris was looking at his left hand curiously.

“What?”

“You sneak off and get married?” she demanded, in her heavy accent. “The pretty little nursing assistants will be mad at you!”

She shook a finger at him in mock reprimand.

“Sorry,” he said, grinning.

“You get married and you don’t even invite me?” she demanded, and Billy was surprised to see her actually smile.

“Don’t worry. If I ever get married, I promise to invite you…”

Both of them fell silent as they heard Orlando and Dr. Mortensen walking toward the room, their voices approaching down the hall.

“Talking about how he hurt his back,” Orlando was saying.

Billy froze.

“Maybe he hurt his back,” Dr. Mortensen said, not sounding terribly concerned.

“Yeah, or maybe his crackhead boyfriend did something to…”

The two men had just stepped around the corner and into the room as the words “crackhead boyfriend” left Orlando’s mouth. The rest of the sentence was lost somewhere in Billy’s fist briskly and accurately connecting with Orlando’s jaw.

There was a clatter as Orlando stumbled back and fell against a tray of clamps and other equipment, sending it all crashing to the ground along with him. He sat up, bewildered, rubbing his face.

“What the hell... did you just punch me in the fucking face?”

Billy shrugged. “I warned you.”

Orlando looked at Dr. Mortensen with an expression that clearly stated that he expected Dr. Mortensen to do something about the situation. Dr. Mortensen looked at Billy and raised his eyebrows.

“I warned him. Ask Liv.”

“He warned him,” Doris said. “I heard it.”

Dr. Mortensen looked back at Orlando and shrugged. “He warned you.”

He walked out of the room.

Orlando scrambled to his feet, staring at Billy as if he’d turned into the Incredible Hulk. “You fucking hit me!”

“I can hit a lot harder,” Billy said. “Want to find out?”

“Fuck,” Orlando muttered, and walked off, still rubbing his jaw.

Doris watched him go, her face set in its usual scowl.

“He gonna have a bruise,” she muttered.

Billy sighed. “Yeah, I know. I shouldn’t have…”

She grinned. “He needs a bruise. Shut him up for five minutes, maybe. You go take a break… I’m almost done with Mr. Tequila here.”

“Thanks.”

Still not quite sure if he’d just actually punched a resident in front of the attending doctor, and if the attending doctor had really shrugged it off like a schoolyard scrap, Billy rubbed his knuckles and started toward the door. He had to laugh as he heard Doris chatting to her unconscious patient.

“Maybe next time he hit him a little harder. Would him some good, Mr. Know-Everything-Kid. Twenty-three years I’ve been here and he wants to tell me how to do my job… maybe next time he knock him out and I get to be his nurse when he wakes up.”

Billy shook his head. He didn’t plan on having to punch Orlando again, but he made a mental note never to piss Doris off, and if he did, to make sure he never, ever ended up as her patient. As he stumbled into the break room and slumped on the couch, his cell phone started to buzz. He reached for it lazily.

“Yeah?”

“What are you wearing?”

“Don’t start that shit.”

“Want to guess what I’m wearing?”

“No. I want to go to sleep on this couch.”

“I’ll give you a hint… Jewel took me back to the department store and helped me pick it out.”

Billy sat up. “Oh?”

“Yup. But since you’re so tired, I’ll just let you think about what it is till you get home.”

“You fucking cocktease.”

“Professional cocktease,” Dominic corrected, and hung up.

Billy yawned and twisted the ring around on his finger, thinking to himself that his back was not going to get any less sore tonight.


	11. Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Billy, Karl, and Miranda flashback.

“Hey, passing those tests or whatever… that’s worth celebrating, right?” Karl asked.

Billy shoved his hands in his coat pockets as they walked. “I suppose so.”

“Well, that means you get your proper nursing license or whatever now, right?”

“Yeah. But it’s not that big…”

Karl slapped him on the shoulder. “You never want to make a big deal out of anything. You wouldn’t even let us throw you a party when you graduated from college.”

“Fuck. That was a while ago. Besides, you’d have graduated with me if you’d spent less time throwing parties and more time doing actual work.”

Karl shrugged and kicked a pebble across the sidewalk and into the gutter. “I’ve got other career plans, anyway. Not going to be a bartender at that shithole forever.”

“You know it’s a shithole, but you want to drag me there to celebrate passing my licensing exams,” Billy sighed.

“Well, let’s go down the street and check out the new place,” Karl said. “Always nice to scope out the competition, you know? They only opened a few weeks ago. Business is probably pretty slow.”

“Fine. But if it’s full of assholes, we’re leaving.”

Karl rolled his eyes. “You’ve never been any damn fun at all. I don’t know why I put up with you.”

“Because I did your homework?”

“Yeah… and half the time half of it was wrong!”

Billy grinned. “If you’d handed in perfect homework every time, the teachers would have known you were cheating. So, what’s this career plan of yours?”

“Tell you after you get a few beers in you.”

 

The bar Karl had his eye on stood inconspicuously on the corner of one of the smaller side streets, the ubiquitous neon beer lights in the windows the only real sign that it was even open. Karl pushed the door open and dragged Billy out of the chilly evening air and into the warmth of the dimly lit room. For a moment Billy thought the bar might not be open after all; there were no customers and there was no bartender. After a moment, though, he realized there were lights on in the back room and heard a female voice unleashing a stream of curses.

“Hello?” Karl called.

“Shit! Just a second!”

Billy intended to wait, but Karl walked toward the back room, and Billy figured he might as well follow him. They found two dusty pool tables under the glow of some even dustier old hanging lamps, a selection of mismatched stools, a few old pool cues leaning against a cracked chalkboard, and a pair of slender legs in dark denim jeans and black leather heeled boots protruding from beneath one of the tables.

“You all right under there?” Karl asked.

“Fuck. Goddamn fucking things are fucking…”

The speaker pushed herself out from under the pool table and looked up at them. Billy hadn’t been expecting the flushed face surrounded by blond curls, or the skin-tight black t-shirt stretched thin enough to clearly reveal the lines of her bra and the curve of her breasts. She sighed and dropped the wrench she’d been holding.

“Hello. Sorry for the lousy service. I’m Miranda.”

“Karl,” he said, offering her a hand and pulling her to her feet. “And the quiet one is Billy.”

“The quiet ones are always trouble,” Miranda said, and gave Billy the kind of smile that filled up a pretty bartender’s tip jar with the dreams of hopeful but unfailingly disappointed male patrons.

“I know it sounds like a bad pickup line, but what’s a pretty girl like you doing crawling around under a pool table like this?” Karl asked.

“Trying to fix the bloody piece of shit. My brother pawned this stupid bar off on me and didn’t tell me anything about what kind of shape it was in… every damn thing in the place is broken. Anyway, come on up to the front and I’ll get you some drinks.”

They sat down at the bar, and Miranda popped the caps off two beers and handed them to them.

“First round’s on the house,” she said. “I’m just happy for the company.”

“You worried about working late nights in a place like this alone?” Karl asked.

She grinned. “I can take care of myself. I’ve got good fists, and if that doesn’t work, I’m a mean shot with the revolver I keep back here behind the bar.”

“My kind of girl,” Karl said, raising his beer.

She leaned back and looked at him. “I’m not thinking you’re into girls.”

Karl coughed, and Billy laughed.

“Sorry,” Miranda said. “Closet case?”

“No…” Karl said, face red. “Just… not usually a topic of discussion.”

“You’re not the boyfriend,” Miranda said, glancing at Billy. “And I’m gonna guess you’ll pick from either side of the field but you’re the quiet one so you usually just go home alone.”

“You’re good,” Karl said.

She shrugged lazily and crossed her arms. “I’ve been bartending for a long time. I figured this was my chance to have my own business, run things my way… I didn’t know it was going to be such a disaster. I can’t even afford to hire somebody to help me put it back together.”

Billy recognized the light that came on in Karl’s eyes.

“Might have a business proposition for you.”

“Shit. Whatever it is, I don’t think I want to hear it. If you think you’re the first guy… then again, if you’re not looking to get into my pants, maybe I should hear you out.”

“I’ve known him since we were teenagers and I can tell you with complete confidence that he’s not trying to get into your pants,” Billy said. “As for whether his business proposition’s a good idea or not, my guess would be it’s something ridiculous and stupid, but that’s just a guess.”

Miranda stepped back and looked him over, and she seemed to be seeing him for the first time, taking note of everything and not just the small man with the good-natured face and the quiet tone.

“I think I like you, Billy,” she said. “And don’t take that the wrong way… you’re not my type.”

“What’s your type?” he asked. “Just curious.”

“Tall, big hands, into leather, and won’t fuck me over, steal my car, trash my apartment, and run off with my dog.”

“Well, I fail on the first three,” Billy said. “And I don’t know how Karl feels about leather.”

“I was serious about the business proposition,” Karl said.

Miranda chuckled and reached for two more beers. “These ones are on you guys. What’s your business proposition?”

Karl looked around the bar. “I’ll help you clean the place up, put everything back together. I’m a hard worker and a pretty good handyman… Billy can tell you that.”

“Told you. Can’t afford to hire anyone…”

“Not asking you to hire me,” Karl said. “You and I work hard, we make this place nice, and as soon as it’s fully operational, I’ll quit my job over at JJ’s and I’ll bring all my customers over here to you.”

“I still can’t afford to pay you…”

“I wasn’t finished,” Karl said. “See, I’ve been thinking about making a sort of a career move, and I’ve been noticing that there’s a lot of bars in this town and there’s a fair number of hookers in this town, but there’s nobody organizing things, you know what I mean? Bunch of amateurs. I want to go pro.”

“Your career move is to become a pimp,” Billy said, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I already talked to a couple of the girls and one or two of the guys,” Karl said. “They’d be willing to give a cut to have someone who could line up tricks for them, check things out ahead of time and make sure it wasn’t a bad situation, bring the business to them instead of them having to go out looking for it every night, maybe get some consistent clients, some better quality clients…”

“You think you can do that?” Miranda asked, amused.

“I could talk a snake into buying crutches,” Karl said. “But I can’t run a business like that out of JJ’s… they’d fire me, first of all, and it’s a pretty rough place anyway. I’d keep some staff there, but I want a quieter, more laid-back, more upscale kind of place to actually run the business out of. You know, where clients would know where to find me, come in, be relaxed, sit and have a chat, I find out what they’re after and make a call and get them what they’re looking for, and they don’t have to go somewhere sleazy to find it.”

“How exactly does one wake up one morning and decide, ‘I want to be a pimp’?” Billy asked.

Neither of them paid any attention to him. Miranda crossed her arms and leaned on the bar, looking thoughtful.

“You do realize prostitution’s illegal,” she said.

“You do realize that in this town the cops are pretty much only concerned with busting street-corner heroin addicts selling ass to get their next fix,” Karl responded. “How many times have you heard of a girl… or a guy… getting busted leaving a respectable establishment with a respectable client? The ones who get arrested are the ones who get in the pickup truck with the undercover cop and suck dick in the nearest alley.”

“What do I get out of it?” she asked.

“First of all, free labor from me to get this place in shape,” Karl said. “And once it is, more customers, and good customers.”

“Do I get a cut of the profits?” she asked.

“No. Because if you never touch any of the money, you and your place don’t go down if I do. We keep them separate, and you can always pretend you had no idea what I was doing. You take a cut, you could end up busted too.”

Miranda nodded, her eyes narrowed. “Good answer. If you tried to bribe me into it by offering to cut me in, I was going to shut your little plan down. What do you get out of it?”

“Nice, quiet establishment to operate my business and meet with clients. A home base, so to speak. The clients can come in here and talk to me knowing that you know the deal and you’re not naming names or telling stories. You treat my clients nice, make them want to come back, make them feel at home. Clients become repeat clients… for both of us.”

“You’re not as dumb as you look,” she said.

“I suspect he might be,” Billy said. “You realize he’s talking about pimping, right?”

Miranda smiled sweetly. “That’s such an ugly word, isn’t it? I prefer the ‘meeting with clients’ terminology.”

“Meeting with clients, managing staff… it’s a legitimate business,” Karl said. “The only part that’s not is that the service the staff provide to the clients is technically sort of illegal.”

“Pimping is not a legitimate business,” Billy argued.

Miranda grinned. “Is he always such a prude?”

“Yes,” Karl said.

Miranda extended her hand. “All right, then. When can you start coming in to work on the place?”

“Tomorrow around lunchtime sound good?”

“Perfect. I’ll be here.”

She opened a beer for herself and held it up. “To a profitable business venture with my new associate.”

“To that,” Karl agreed, clinking their bottles together.

“I am not hanging around with a pimp,” Billy said.

Karl laughed. “You’ve been saying you didn’t want to be seen with screw-ups like me since before we could drive, and you’re still here. You’re not going anywhere. Now, drink your beer like a good boy while Miranda and I check out this pool table back here.”

“He should be your first client,” Miranda said, as they walked away. “I think he needs to get laid.”

“He’s too damn picky,” Karl said. “I’ve tried. Girls, guys… if he has a type, I haven’t figured out what it is yet.”

“He’ll meet somebody one of these days,” Miranda said. “And him being the kind of guy he is, it’ll be someone that makes his head spin around and blows him right out of the water.”

“Psh. He’ll end up with some nice little girlfriend who comes to visit on weekends and they have regularly scheduled intercourse once a month and she never moves in and three years later he still won’t take a piss in front of her…”

“I can still hear you, you fucking bastard!” Billy called.

“Her name will probably be something nice,” Miranda said. “Like Karen.”

“Or Mary.”

“Or Janet.”

“Would you shut up?” Billy demanded.

“Drink your beer and stop fussing,” Karl called back. “Now, which table’s broken?”


	12. The Party

“You know we’re not having two hundred people here tonight,” Billy said.

Dominic surveyed the trays of food covering most of the flat surfaces in the kitchen and shrugged. “You wanted the place with the remodeled kitchen so I’d have as much room to cook as I wanted.”

“I know. Besides, this just means I’ll have good stuff for leftovers to take to work.”

Dominic looked Billy over, adjusted his sweater, and slicked back an out-of-place hair still damp from the shower. Billy frowned.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Try one of these stuffed mushrooms… I’ve never made these before.”

“I’ll try one in a minute. Come here.”

Dominic sighed and allowed Billy to grab him by the arms and drag him closer, but he dropped his eyes and glanced around at the pies and appetizers.

“Look, I told you, if you didn’t want the people at work deciding we were having a housewarming party, I could have told them I wasn’t doing it.”

“It’s fine.”

“Well, I thought it was fine,” Billy said. “You don’t look fine. I thought…”

“I’m fine,” Dominic said, pulling away. “I know your friends aren’t going to say anything and I know it’s going to be fine and I know they’ve been bugging you about it since we moved in here…”

“I told you, this is the first chance most of them will have gotten to meet you in any kind of normal way,” Billy said. “We’re not in the same mode of thinking when we’re off as when we’re at work. As soon as you walk into the hospital and put on your work clothes, you start seeing everyone in terms of what’s wrong with them and what you have to do about it. When you put all that off, you can just see people as people again. Well, most of us can.”

“I know.”

“And I bullied Orlando into bringing Karl with him… you know you want to be here to see that,” Billy said, poking him.

Dominic chuckled. “Yeah. Although somehow I don’t think him showing up here with a guy for his date will be anybody’s first clue about his preferences…”

“He’s still convinced all the nurses flirt with him because he’s cute and single. He still hasn’t figured out they flirt with him because they all know he’s gay and they think it’s adorable.”

“Mmm-hmm. What’d they think when you punched him in the face?”

“A few of the younger girls were a little sore with me, but Orlando was a pretty stand-up guy and admitted he got what he was asking for, so it wasn’t too bad. Anyway, what about your friends? They’re coming, right?”

And there was the problem, Billy thought, as Dominic abruptly stiffened and turned away from him.

“What? I thought you had people coming.”

“So did I,” Dominic muttered, adjusting the arrangement of cookies on a plate.

“What happened?”

“Jewel called today.”

“What did she say?”

“Apparently they were all at the bar the other night and started talking, and somebody started about how I never came to hang out with them anymore, and Jewel said she tried to tell them I was just taking better care of myself and trying to stay out of trouble, and somebody said I just thought I was too good for them and that I was too busy being somebody’s little boy toy in a nice apartment and that I was too clean and too good to let myself be seen with them anymore… and…”

“You are nobody’s toy,” Billy said. “You earn your living, and the fact that you’re not doing it on your back anymore doesn’t mean…”

“Actually, it was usually on my knees.”

Billy crossed his arms. “Don’t start this. Look, Dom… this is like how when people find out you’re trying to quit smoking, all of a sudden all your friends who still smoke are going out of their way to offer you cigarettes. They want you to fail at quitting because they can’t quit, or don’t want to. If those people were really your friends, like Jewel is, they’d be happy that you’re healthy and not getting in trouble…”

“I’m not a teenager. I don’t need this lecture,” Dominic sighed. “Heard it all before. Real friends don’t let friends drive drunk. Real friends don’t let friends snort coke in the bathroom. Real friends don’t let friends give blow jobs for cash…”

“Stop it.”

“You started it, with the whole “real friends” lecture. I don’t want to hear it. I’m the shitty friend. I’m the one who abandoned them. I’m the one who…”

“You’re alive,” Billy said. “And how many of them came to see you in the hospital when you were sick? Or even called to see how you were? And how many of them came to visit you at our other place before we moved here? You’ve changed, sure… but they don’t like it because it makes them see what shitty people they are and that you are better than them.”

“I’m not…”

“You’re better than them because you wouldn’t treat a friend like that,” Billy said. “That’s why you’re better than them. Because you’re strong enough to love people who occasionally make you see things you don’t want to see, or don’t go along with everything you decide to do… because you have a mind of your own and you have a life of your own, and anyone who only wants to call you a friend if you’ll make them feel better about their own self-destructive shit…”

Dominic shrugged. “It’s fine. It just means I don’t have any friends.”

“Jewel will still be here, right?”

Dominic shook his head. “She’s afraid that everyone else will be mad at her if she shows up here. She’s… you know how Jewel is about making everybody happy.”

“I thought she cared more about you than that.”

“Yeah, well, so did I.”

Billy sighed and reached for him and rubbed his hands through his hair. Dominic swatted them away.

“You’re making a mess.”

“It looked too neat. Want you to look like you.”

Dominic smiled slightly. “When are people supposed to start showing up?”

“Any time now.”

“So… no time for me to clear some room to fuck you up against something in this kitchen, right?”

“Probably not sanitary, with all the food around,” Billy agreed. “And wouldn’t look good if the guests got here.”

 

 

The first to arrive was Liv, in a pretty dark blue dress and with a permanently disheveled Dr. Mortensen in his usual random attire on her arm.

“My husband had to stay home and watch the little guy,” she said. “So Dr. Mortensen kindly agreed to accompany me.”

Billy grinned. “How many people did it take to bully him into that?”

“Does Doris count as more than one person?”

Dr. Mortensen’s eyes snapped to attention. “That smells like food.”

“It is food,” Billy said. “It’s probably a month’s worth of food. Dom’s been cooking for days.”

“Oooh… did he make that pie?” Liv asked eagerly.

“He made all the pies,” Billy said. “There’s drinks too…”

Liv was already on her way to the kitchen, hauling Dr. Mortensen along with her. Billy listened carefully, heard the twinge of nervousness in Dominic’s voice when he greeted them, heard it start to fade as he listed the dishes displayed across the countertops. He could hear Liv admiring the remodeled kitchen and Dominic proudly describing its best features.

Another knock, and this time Billy opened the door to find several of the other nurses from his department, most of them women in nice slacks and pretty sweaters, several of them carrying bottles of wine or other housewarming gifts.

“Kitchen,” Billy said, pointing. “Dominic will sort that out.”

Dominic stuck his head out of the kitchen. “Why do I have to sort everything out?”

“Because you’re the king of the kitchen, aren’t you?”

“Well, I suppose I am that.”

He popped back in, and Billy heard several of the nurses laughing. For a moment he wondered if he should leave things as they were… it seemed like Dominic was managing fine with Billy’s friends.

No, he reminded himself. Pretending that he was managing fine, that he liked someone, that he was having fun, was a skill Dominic had cultivated. He was good enough at it to fool even Billy, if Billy let himself be fooled. He reached for his cell phone.

“Karl?”

“Yeah?”

“Where are you?”

“Just picked up Orlando. Why? We’re not even fashionably late yet.”

“No… I wanted to ask if you’d do something.”

Karl listened until Billy was finished explaining the problem.

“Sorry, Bills, but that’s going to be a no,” he said.

“Why?”

“Because I’m their boss, not their babysitter. Your boss doesn’t tell you what to do on your free time or who to be friends with, and it’s not my place to tell them.”

“Fine,” Billy said, glancing over his shoulder at the kitchen. “Can you at least give me Jewel’s number?”

“Billy,” Karl said, rather firmly, “this is their thing to figure out. Not yours. I know you don’t want Dominic upset, but this isn’t where he needs you sticking your nose in. Orlando and I will be there in a few minutes, and then at least there’ll be some people he knows…”

“Yeah, and he knows Orlando is the guy who thinks he’s an abusive asshole and I’m wasting my time with him.”

“Orlando thought that,” Karl said. “A lot of people thought that. Fuck, Billy… I thought that for a while, honestly. But you two seem to be managing just fine, and Orlando knows that. So relax.”

He hung up.

Billy muttered a few curses and then turned to answer the door again. This time he couldn’t help but grin, because there stood Doris, her bulldog jaw softened only slightly by a layer of makeup and bright red lipstick, wearing a vivid flowered blouse. Apparently Dr. Bean had encountered her on his way up the elevator, because she was now holding him firmly by the arm and grinning triumphantly like a fisherman with an enormous tuna, while Dr. Bean shifted nervously and looked around for someone to rescue him.

“Too late,” Billy said. “You’re stuck.”

“That’s right,” Doris said, laughing. “I found me a doctor for my date tonight and I’m keeping him! Don’t try anything, either… I know about you and all those pretty little nurses!”

“Whatever,” Liv said, appearing behind Billy and leaning on his shoulder. “He’ll flirt with the pretty nurses all evening and then get drunk and go home and fuck Dr. Mortensen.”

Doris snorted and gave Dr. Bean a glance. “Is that why you two are always fighting? Worse than an old married couple. I teach you Spanish one of these days. Fighting is funnier in Spanish.”

“Nobody in the Emergency Department speaks Spanish except you,” Liv said.

“I know. But it still sounds funnier.”

“I bet it’d sound funnier while they were doing other things, too,” Liv said, tipping back her drink. “How do you say, ‘Oh, yes, Dr. Bean… do that again!’ in Spanish?”

“Gah!” Dr. Bean protested, jerking his arm free. “Where the hell is the liquor?”

“Kitchen,” Billy said.

“Ten bucks says he leaves with Mortensen,” Liv said.

“Twenty says they have a big fight and Bean makes a big fuss and then shows up at Mortensen’s place all drunk and wanting to get laid,” Doris said.

“Well, the big fight is pretty much a sure thing,” Billy said. “So the bet’s on whether they try to sneak out together or wait to go hook up until after they’ve left and cooled off.”

“I’m on them leaving together. Drunk off their asses,” Liv said.

“Put me down for big blow-up and then hook up later,” Doris said. “I go check in the kitchen and see what the other nurses think, and we’ll get a good pot going.”

“Better start writing this down,” Liv said, nodding to Billy.

He reached for the notepad on the table by the door, then paused and turned to look at Liv.

“What are the bets on Dom?”

She dropped her eyes. “I don’t know. Nothing.”

“I work there, remember? Everyone bets on everything. What are the bets on Dom for tonight? It’s only fair to tell me, you know.”

She sighed. “Fine. But you didn’t hear it from me. The top odds are on him either not being here at all or being all fucked up on something and embarrassing you.”

“Well, some people are going to lose some money,” Billy said, crossing his arms. “How many people bet on everything going fine and Dom behaving just like anybody else?”

Liv smiled. “I did. And I think I’m taking home the whole pot on that one, judging from what I hear in there.”

Billy cocked his head; from the kitchen came the sounds of raucous laughter and loud, full-mouthed exclamations about the food, and he could hear the tail end of Dominic’s rather vulgar but apparently highly appreciated joke about his “special ingredients” and how much Billy enjoyed them.

“Hey!” he shouted. “I heard that!”

Giggling, and then Dominic’s contrite voice.

“Sorry, Bills. Didn’t realize it was a secret. I thought everybody at your work already knew how much you like…”

He was cut off by another outburst of laughs and hoots.

“Peanut butter! I was going to say peanut butter!”

“Don’t bother lying,” Doris argued. “If I had a man as pretty as you, I’d be coming home every day wanting a piece of…”

More loud interruptions; apparently nobody wanted to hear exactly what Doris would be wanting a piece of.

“I was going to say pie!” she exclaimed. “You all filthy-minded… pie! If you had a man that cooked like this wouldn’t you come home every day wanting pie?”

“I got your pie right here,” Dominic said, and it must have been accompanied by some sort of gesture that altered the meaning of the statement considerably, judging from the audience’s response.

“Don’t tempt me, little boy,” Doris said. “Where’s the whipped cream? Get over here and I’ll turn you straight!”

“What kinds of odds do you want on that one?” Billy asked, glancing at Liv as she sipped her drink.

“I’m not even taking bets on that one,” she said. “Did someone just knock?”

Billy reached for the door and opened it to find Karl and Orlando waiting for him, Karl standing easily and grinning while Orlando shuffled his feet like a nervous schoolboy.

“It’s about time,” Liv said.

Orlando looked up, surprised. “What?”

“Well, we’ve all been waiting to meet your boyfriend.”

Billy laughed. “Pick your jaw off the floor, Orlando. I told you this isn’t going to surprise anyone as much as you think it is. Be careful in the kitchen, though… Doris is on the loose with a can of whipped cream threatening to turn all the gay guys straight.”

Karl raised an eyebrow. “Who’s Doris?”

Liv grinned. “You’ve got to meet Doris. Immediately. You’re… Karl? I’m Liv. Come on. I’ll introduce you.”

Orlando watched Karl being dragged away, then ducked his head with a horrified expression when he heard Liv’s loud announcement.

“Hey, all! This is Karl, Orlando’s boyfriend that we’ve all been waiting forever to meet!”

A chorus of, “Hi, Karl,” and then another, more scattered chorus of, “About damn time”.

“You don’t work at the hospital, do you?” someone asked. “I’m pretty sure we’d have noticed.”

“He’s a pimp,” Dominic declared.

There was an outburst of laughter, and even though Orlando turned bright red, the conversation quickly turned to warnings about Doris and her whipped cream, and Doris protesting that she hadn’t said anything of the sort and someone was trying to ruin her good reputation, and then a remark about her not having much of a reputation to lose.

“My reputation is immaculate!” Doris argued. “You get Billy in here. He’ll tell you.”

“Come on,” Billy said, grabbing Orlando’s arm. “It’s not that bad.”

“Dominic just told everybody Karl’s a pimp!”

“Dominic also told everybody he jerked off in the food, and they’re all still eating it, so I’m gonna say nobody’s taking him terribly seriously,” Billy said. “Quit hiding and come say hello. You were doing a lousy job of staying in the closet anyway, you know.”

 

As people stuffed themselves and ran out of room for any more of Dominic’s treats, the party spread out of the kitchen and into the living room, where Billy found himself attempting to dance with a slightly tipsy and much taller Liv while she tried to contain her giggles.

“You really ought to be dancing with Dom. He’s…”

“Yeah, yeah. Dance with someone my own size, right?” he asked, extending his arm so she could duck to twirl under it. “You asked me to dance.”

“That’s because my date and Dr. Bean are in the kitchen getting absolutely hammered and acting like idiots.”

“Sounds about right.”

“Yeah. Because as medical doctors they don’t know anything about the kind of damage heavy binge drinking does to your liver…”

“How many doctors and nurses do you know who smoke?”

“Like, all of them,” she said, and giggled. “Orlando’s boyfriend is so funny… Orlando keeps trying to hide in the corner and he keeps dragging him out here to dance.”

“Karl’s not shy.”

“Orlando usually isn’t. It’s a good look for him, actually. Almost makes me like him better.”

Billy grinned. “Wonder how many of the younger nurses are in the kitchen crying because now they know he’s taken?”

She snorted. “None of them. You know how long it’s been since anyone actually thought he was straight? Now, ask me how many of the nurses are in the kitchen plotting how to end up in the middle of a Karl-Orlando sandwich…”

“Hey, Billy!” someone called. “Somebody’s knocking on your door!”

Billy gently disengaged himself from Liv and handed her off to someone nearby before heading for the door, wondering who had decided to arrive two hours late and vaguely hoping it wasn’t someone extremely drunk or in some other state he didn’t want to deal with.

Jewel’s candy-red hair fell over her face as she stood, shuffling her feet and looking at her high-heeled black boots.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” she murmured.

“Don’t be sorry,” Billy said. “Are you okay?”

She raised her head, and Billy was mildly surprised; he hadn’t expected to see her in a graceful and perfectly fitted green dress that fell to her knees, with a leather clutch in her hand that matched her boots and only a trace of eyeliner and mascara instead of her usual makeup.

“I’m just nervous,” she said quietly. “Do I look okay?”

“You look fantastic,” he said. “Come on in.”

“Is it okay I’m so late?”

“Better late than never,” Billy said, taking her hand and leading her through the door.

A few people turned to look, but most of them were distracted with conversations or plates of food or dance partners. Still, as Billy led her toward the kitchen, he could see eyes falling on her, and the glances were approving.

“They’re staring at me,” she whispered.

“They’re staring at you because you look classier and better dressed than most of the rest of us,” Billy said.

She flushed red. “Thank you. I tried… I…”

The kitchen was turning into a disaster; the neat arrangements of plates and dishes had turned into a scattered mess as people had passed them around and sampled everything from everywhere, and the bottles of wine and liquor were being passed around just as freely. Billy found Dominic at the center of it all, eyes bright, beaming over his domain.

“He looks happy,” Jewel murmured.

“You’ll be the icing on the cake,” Billy said. “Hey! Dom!”

Dominic turned, and Billy could tell the instant he spotted Jewel, watching the conflicting emotions flash across his face before settling on something between curiosity and confusion. He slid between the people still gathered around the food and stood in front of Jewel.

“You said you weren’t coming.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Do you want me to leave?”

“No,” Billy said. “Of course we don’t.”

There was something flashing in Dominic’s eyes, and it made Billy uneasy; Jewel saw it too and lowered her head.

“I’m sorry, Dommie. I told you I didn’t agree with any of that stuff they said about you…”

“Yeah. But you didn’t tell them that, did you.”

“Dom,” Billy warned. “She’s here.”

“I was afraid to come,” she said. “I was at JJ’s and they were talking about you again… and I told them they were wrong and they were assholes and they were just jealous because you found somebody who loved you enough to keep you away from bad things and that they were bad people for…”

Her voice was sharp-edged and nervous.

“You’re here,” Billy said, giving Dominic a quick look.

“Hey, Dom!” one of the nurses called. “Is there any more of that pecan pie? I think Doris stole the entire thing and put it down her shirt to save for later.”

“She could hide a bus under those tits!” Dominic called back, and Doris shouted something about inviting him to come and see what else she could hide under her tits, and Dominic turned and walked away, back toward the others.

Jewel watched him go and Billy watched the devastation collapse across her face.

“Give him a few minutes,” he said quickly. “Come on.”

He pulled her back out into the living room.

“It’s okay. He just…”

“I should leave,” she said, catching a sob before it could escape.

“No… don’t. He’ll wish you hadn’t later. Just… dance with me for a few minutes. Please?”

“You’re asking me to dance?” she asked, and almost laughed.

“Yeah. Why? You turning me down?”

“Why would I do that? You’re the closest thing to a gentleman I think I’ve ever met,” she said, hooking her arms over his shoulders.

After a few minutes, when she realized no one had taken any particular notice of her or commented on her presence, some of the tension in her thin body eased slightly.

“I thought he’d be glad to see me,” she said, resting her forehead on Billy’s shoulder.

“He will be. He’s just… still pissed off about the things they said. It’ll be all right.”

“I stood up for him,” she said. “I’ve never done that before. They were mad at me about it, too. They told me I was stupid and I thought I was better than them too and I should remember I’m just a stupid little drugged-up slut like all the rest of them.”

“I doubt they were happy about you standing up for Dom. And they’re probably not used to you standing up for things instead of agreeing with them. People get pissed when someone decides to stand up for something and calls them on their bullshit.”

“Is that what I did?” she asked, raising her head to look at him.

“Call them on their bullshit? Fuck, yeah. That’s why they were mad. And it shows you are better than them.”

“I’m not,” she whispered. “They’re right… I’m stupid and all I do is…”

“Do you want out?” he asked.

She cocked her head. “Out of…”

“The business. The scene. All of it. Karl’s here tonight… I can talk to him. There are jobs at the hospital. There are a couple of girls here tonight that I know have apartments and are looking for roommates. You can walk away, you know.”

“I can’t do that… I’d be alone. I’d have nobody.”

“That’s sort of how Dom was feeling, before tonight,” Billy said, nodding toward the kitchen. “Except that once people got to see him for who he really was, they seem to like him better than me. And you’ll have me and Dom…”

“Except Dom doesn’t even want to talk to…”

Billy glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “Oh, I don’t know about that.”

She jumped when someone tapped her on the shoulder, and she spun around to find Dominic standing behind her, his eyes dark in the dimmed lights, his hair sticking up at odd angles from Doris playing with it.

“You really want out?” he asked.

She nodded. “If you’ll help me…”

“Only as much as it’s okay with Billy,” Dominic said, meeting his eyes. “I’m not getting myself back into that mess… not even for you.”

“I don’t want you back in that mess,” she said, her voice on the edge of crying. “I don’t want in it anymore either. It was fun for a while, but I want…”

She looked around at the other partygoers, talking and laughing, and then from Billy to Dominic and back.

“I want this.”

“Can’t promise you that, love,” Dominic said. “Billy’s kind of a rare breed. But there’s something good out there for you. Billy… may I steal your dance partner?”

Billy bowed and stepped back. “Of course. Actually, I think you’ve got good timing… it sounds like I should probably go see what’s going on in the other room.”

 

.  
.  
.

He stepped into the kitchen to a chorus of raised voices, and not all of them sounded amused. Dr. Bean’s was the loudest, and distinctly slurred as well, and he was insisting that Dr. Mortensen had said or done something unacceptable, although it wasn’t entirely clear what that might have been. Dr. Mortensen had that voice that could, without ever sounding like he was shouting, carry through the chaos of an Emergency Department trauma bay, and that voice was in the middle of informing Dr. Bean that he was making a stupid drunken asshole of himself. As far as Billy could tell, it didn’t sound like Dr. Mortensen was anything close to sober himself, but since nearly all of the party attendees were Billy’s coworkers and Dr. Mortensen’s staff, they were quick and loud to rise to their leader’s defense.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Billy exclaimed, pushing between people. “What’s all this?”

“Fuckin’ Mortensen grabbed my ass,” Dr. Bean said, glaring. “Dirty bastard. Who the fuck does he think he is, anyway, trying to…”

“Oh, please,” Liv exclaimed, displaying her impressive talent for being wherever the most trouble was, intentionally or not. “He’s grabbed more than your ass and you weren’t complaining then and everybody knows it!”

Both men froze and stared at her in stunned silence. Liv giggled slightly, and Doris burst out laughing.

“Stupid men. You think we hadn’t figured it out?”

“Fuck off,” Dr. Bean muttered. “I wouldn’t touch that fucking…”

“Give it up, Bean,” someone shouted.

Dr. Bean glared at Dr. Mortensen. “Tell them they don’t know what they’re fucking talking about.”

“All I’m telling them is that you’re drunk and you’re an asshole.”

“Like that’s front page news,” someone else said, and laughed.

“Awww…” Doris said, taking Dr. Bean’s arm. “Why don’t you boys just kiss and make up?”

Dr. Bean shrugged her off sharply. “Get off me, you old bat.”

A chorus of sharp gasps followed this statement, and Billy saw Doris’s eyes narrow in a way that made people who knew her tread very cautiously; even Dr. Mortensen had gone silent and was backing away and trying to put a few nurses between them.

“Old bat?” Doris demanded, crowding the much taller Dr. Bean backwards. “Who do you think you are? Big doctor man? You’re not my boss and this doesn’t look like the Emergency Department, which means I’m gonna tell you exactly what I think of you… both of you… and your stupid games! The two oldest people here with the biggest fanciest degrees and you’re the two dumbest people in the whole place!”

“You can’t talk to me like that,” Dr. Bean said, not sounding at all sure who was going to make her stop. Dr. Mortensen knew better, and kept his mouth shut.

“I’ll talk to you however I damn well please! You know what you’re doing, you stupid drunk man? You remember whose party this is?”

“I’m not…”

“Whose party is it?” she roared, and Dr. Bean visibly winced.

“Billy’s.”

“And…”

“Billy and Dominic’s.”

“Right. So you’re so stupid you come to a party that you got invited to by two men who are together, and you stand in here and you make noise and make it sound like there’s something wrong with two men to sleep together! It’s your own fault you fuck people you’re ashamed of but you might as well be ashamed of all those girls from the bar whose names you can’t remember instead of another doctor everybody knows you have a thing for!”

There was a moment of silence, except for the music from the living room, and Billy realized Doris’s voice had clearly carried at least that far. Then, abruptly, Liv collapsed against the counter, laughing so hard she could barely breathe, and within less than a minute at least half the other nurses had followed her, while the others, mostly the ones who happened to be standing near Dr. Mortensen, attempted to muffle their giggles.

“Go home. Both of you. You’re done,” Liv gasped out, waving at the two doctors. “Billy, I’m done too. There’s nothing else that’s going to happen tonight that’s going to top that. Could you call me a cab?”

“Sure. You want me to call you guys one too?” Billy asked, glancing at Dr. Mortensen.

“I’ll get my own cab,” Dr. Bean muttered.

“How many cabs do you think drive by here at this time of night?” Billy asked. “I’ll call a cab to take Liv over to her end of town, and another one to take you two wherever.”

“I don’t want to ride in a cab with anybody who’s going to falsely accuse me of grabbing his ass,” Dr. Mortensen complained.

“You did grab my ass!”

“I did not!”

“Then who do you suppose grabbed my ass?”

“No one grabbed your ass!” Doris exclaimed. “You got your back pocket caught on a drawer handle!”

“Oh,” Dr. Bean said.

 

.  
.  
.

Billy pulled out his cell phone and walked into the hallway by the bedroom where he could hear properly. As he gave the cab company the address, he leaned around the corner and looked out into the living room. He spotted Jewel immediately; she was talking to two of the younger nurses and, from the way they were gesturing at their heads, they were envying her vivid fire engine red color. It took him a moment to spot Dominic, leaning against the wall with an almost-untouched drink in his hand and a small smile on his face. Billy tucked his phone back into his pocket and crossed the room to lean against the wall next to Dominic.

“You hear Doris go off?”

Dominic grinned. “I like her.”

“She likes you. You might want to be careful… I think she might like you a little too much.”

“Nah. She likes you too much to try to steal your man.”

Billy nodded toward Jewel. “How about her?”

Dominic gave him a sideways look. “I told you, it’s never been like that.”

“I know, I know. But honestly… wouldn’t it mess with your head just a little bit if there was someone around who adored me as much as she adores you?”

Dominic took a sip of his drink. “Honestly?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t think I’d handle it nearly as well as you have,” he said. “I wouldn’t be able to handle having someone look at you the way she looks at me. I’d go nuts just thinking about it… but I trust you. And I’d try to get over it.”

Billy smiled. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Admitting that I’m not just being a jealous asshole.”

“If you were a jealous asshole, you wouldn’t have let her in, convinced her to stay, danced with her, and made her feel better,” Dominic said. “You trusted me not to make an ass of myself or make you look stupid in front of all your friends, and I was nervous…”

“You did great.”

Dominic chuckled. “Yeah, well… maybe Doris and I should start a comedy act. But seriously… do you trust me when I tell you that I would never, ever do anything with anyone if I knew it would hurt you?”

“Yeah. I do.”

“Good. Because it was pretty damn hard to turn down some of the things Doris was offering…”

Billy punched him in the arm and rolled his eyes. “Don’t put images like that in my head. I’ll have nightmares.”

Dominic grinned. “Jealousy’s a bitch. By the way… I think I’ve ended up dancing with pretty much everyone except you tonight. You got a few minutes?”

“I think I can manage to work it into my busy schedule.”

Dominic grabbed him by the hand and led him out toward the middle of the room, and the chatter and music and movement all around him faded into the background as he let himself be lost in bright blue eyes.


	13. Working

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billy suggests that Dominic get some help with his baking business. Dominic makes Billy wish he'd kept his mouth shut.
> 
> .  
> .  
> .

Billy walked into the apartment at the end of a sixteen-hour shift, expecting to find Dominic dozing on the couch and waiting for him with a half-finished beer on the coffee table. 

Instead, the coffee table and couch were covered with white cardboard boxes tied up with twine and labeled with black marker: Dominic’s evening deliveries that went out so the restaurants and shops could put them out in the morning. By the time Billy got home, they were usually already delivered. 

“Dom?”

“In the kitchen…”

Billy had to look over a stack of half-folded boxes on the counter to find Dominic, a black marker clenched between his teeth as he finished tying the twine around the box he was holding. 

“Running a little late?”

“Little,” Dominic muttered, around the marker. 

“What happened?”

He set the box down and took the marker out of his mouth, waving it in the general direction of the other counter, where a row of pecan pies sat next to a chocolate cake and a rack of still-cooling cookies. 

“The pies went all wrong. I had the temperature set wrong on the oven when I put them in. And then I was in such a hurry trying to get those done that I didn’t read the order right on those cookies and I had to do them over again with the right kind of chips, and that cake…”

“Since when do you make mistakes, Mr. Perfect Chef?”

“Happens. You want to help or not?”

Billy picked up the list on the counter. “I can’t read any of this.”

“Those are business names. Just write them on the boxes. All three of the pies go to Creek Street Deli…”

“Seriously. I can’t read any of this. At all. I’m not even sure it’s written in an alphabet I’m familiar with. Did you ever talk to Miranda?”

Dominic grabbed a box, folded the corners, and reached for a pie. “About what?”

“About her owning her own business.”

“So she owns her own business. So what?”

“So… you remember what I said about how you could open your own bakery and hire people to help you with this stuff?”

“Yeah. And I remember telling you to fuck off.”

Billy sighed. “You can’t keep up with it on your own. You’re either going to have to hire someone to help, or drop some clients. You know you don’t have to work this hard… we have enough money. You already pay for half the bills…”

“I know that,” he muttered, carefully lowering the chocolate cake into its box.

“So…”

“So, this is what I do and I’m doing it.”

“So you’re going to be out all night delivering these and then get up early in the morning so you can start the bread dough?”

“Mmm-hmm. You work crazy double shifts all the time.”

“I don’t have a choice. And…”

Dominic gave him a sideways glance, daring him to finish the sentence. 

“Fine. You don’t want to try opening your own bakery. Maybe you could look at hiring someone to come here and help you. All they’d have to do is come in, help you box stuff up, and then do the deliveries, maybe collect the orders, and then you’d have time to do the baking and actually pay attention to it.”

“And I’d have to let some random asshole be responsible for all the stuff I baked.”

“We could hire someone decent, you know. There are background checks and references and things like that. Karl or Mir might even know somebody who could use a part-time job in the evenings.”

Something flashed across Dominic’s face, but Billy wasn’t sure what, and a moment later it was gone. 

“Yeah. I guess. But if I’m going to hire someone to help me, it’s going to be someone I decide I want to work with. Not somebody you pick.”

“Fine. As long as it’s someone who won’t steal our stuff while they’re here or start sleeping on the couch or something. I just want you to quit making yourself more crazy than you already are.”

“You’re lucky you’re not home while I’m baking. If you heard me arguing with the pastries, you’d know how crazy I really was. If you help me with these deliveries, we might both get some sleep tonight…”

“If I help you with these deliveries I want paid in something better than sleep.”

 

 

 

“You look like shit,” Doris observed, as Billy dragged himself into the break room for another cup of coffee. “You stay up all night playing with your boyfriend?”

“Does delivering pies all over town count as playing?”

Doris frowned. “You were delivering pies and you didn’t deliver any here?”

“You’d have to call Dom and order one.”

“Mmm-hmm. If I order one, can I get him to deliver it personally… and maybe he can show up in a nice outfit like he was wearing that one night…”

Billy scowled. “Are you talking about when he came in here on Halloween wearing nothing but plastic wrap and a bowl on his head?”

“You could see through the plastic if you looked close.”

Billy flopped down on the couch, cradling his coffee mug. Doris grinned broadly and wagged her finger at him. 

“Too much fun means a bad day at work…”

“Seriously. We weren’t having fun. We were delivering pies. Dom’s gotten himself so many orders he can’t keep up with them all, and if one thing throws him off schedule he’s behind for the entire day and he’s still at it when I get home.”

“Hmm. That’s probably not so good for him,” she mused, glancing at Billy. “You worried about him? That he’s working too hard?”

“Yeah.”

“How often is he worried about you working too hard?”

Billy shrugged. “I know he says something about it, when I take a lot of overtime, but… it’s extra money, and work is…”

“It’s what you do,” she said. “You know what to do with yourself here. You’ve been here a long time and the new little nurses listen to you… even the doctors listen to you. So it makes you feel useful. Important. Right?”

Billy stared into his coffee. 

“Maybe having all this stuff to do makes him feel useful and important, right?” she asked, poking him with her finger. “Hmm? You answer me, or I’ll make you answer me.”

“I get it. But I’m… I can handle it. He’s not…”

She raised her eyebrows when Billy didn’t finish the sentence. “Not what?”

“He doesn’t handle stress as well as I do. I mean… I’m used to it. For him, it’s… you know what happened.”

“Different kinds of stress,” Doris said, waving her hand. “You come in here… it’s stressful, but you have control over it. You decide to work all that overtime and never take any vacation. You decide to pretend the whole place would shut down without you. Maybe he wants to have all those orders and work his ass off. He’s good at it.”

“I don’t want…”

“That was a long time ago, little man,” she said, rolling her eyes. “It’s been better, right? Everybody here loves him now, especially after he brought all those pumpkin pies for Thanksgiving. Even Orlando stopped complaining about him. Nobody’s come up to me in the hall and asked me what the hell happened to Billy this time… not for a long time.”

Billy stared fiercely into the depths of his coffee and wondered how many people had asked Doris that, and how many of his coworkers had known more than he thought. 

“It’s better. He’s a lot better.”

“Well, then. Can he take some more orders? Because if I turn on my womanly charms I can convince Dr. Mortensen…”

Billy snorted and choked back a laugh. She glared in mock reproach. 

“You doubt my womanly charms?”

“You could have the sexiest womanly charms around here, and I still don’t think Mortensen would blink. You know he only thinks about two things and women isn’t one of them.”

“No, but he does like pie. And he really likes cake. So… we can talk him into putting in an order, and I can get my pretty little boy toy to deliver me treats here?”

“Excuse me, but he’s MY pretty little boy toy, thank you.”

“You just wait. He can’t resist me forever,” she warned. “Besides, even if I can’t have his other things I still want his cookies.” 

“You’re a dirty-minded woman, Doris.”

“Hey. I got myself, a bunch of kids I never talk to, a couple of little grandbabies I never met, and I work here with a bunch of assholes. I might as well enjoy myself.”

“You calling me an asshole?”

“I didn’t say I worked with nothing BUT assholes, did I?”

 

 

 

“Where’s all the deliveries?” Billy asked, walking into a tidy living room completely devoid of white cardboard boxes for the first time in more than a week. 

Dominic, sitting barefoot on the couch and watching two chefs compete to make the most interesting things out of what appeared to be dead pigeons, raised his beer. 

“They’re all on their way to their destinations.”

“On their way… you mean someone else is delivering them?”

“I delivered most of them. I’m just testing out the new guy tonight to see how he does with the rest. And the girl coming in to help me with some of the baking and boxing things sped things up quite a bit…”

Billy felt something cold and sharp slice through the warmth of seeing Dominic relaxed for a change. 

“You hired people and I didn’t even meet them?”

Dominic crossed his arms. “I told you this was my thing.”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t hire them on your own. It just would have been nice to meet them before I let them be in our apartment, and before you were alone with them… I mean, you know you can’t trust strangers…”

Dominic raised an eyebrow. “They’re not strangers.”

Billy slumped into the armchair; he knew what that look that had flashed through Dominic’s eyes when they’d talked about him hiring people had been for. 

“You’ve brought in your old… friends.”

Dominic’s eyes stayed fixed on the TV. “You met Dylan, I think. He’s the one with a face like an angel… except they say no angel’s got a mouth like that, and they don’t mean his language. He’s the one doing the deliveries right now. He has his own car and he knows every single place in town…”

“And he’s a drug addict,” Billy interrupted. 

He knew he shouldn’t have said it, not like that, but it came out anyway and Dominic went cold and dark as a February night, drawing away from him toward the other end of the couch. 

“Fuck off.”

“Look… it’s true, isn’t it?”

“That doesn’t mean he can’t deliver stuff.”

“It means he’s…”

“If you think it means he’s going to steal shit from the apartment to pay for his habit or something, you’re wrong. And if you think he’s going to do something to me, you’re wrong. This is better than… this is time he doesn’t have to spend doing… other things.”

“Damnit… you can’t be rescuing people, Dom…”

“I can’t help them? Why not?”

“Because you’re exposing yourself to…”

Dominic slammed his beer down on the table. “You don’t trust me? You really think I’m going to just dive right back in there just because I’m standing near the pool? I thought you had just a little tiny bit more faith in me than that.”

He stormed off toward the kitchen. Billy gritted his teeth and reached for the remote control to make the annoying chefs go away. 

“I’m still watching that!” Dominic called. 

“Whatever.”

“And in case you were wondering, I hired Jewel to come in and help with the…”

He stepped back, startled, when Billy burst into the kitchen before he’d even finished his sentence. 

“I’m not putting up with that.”

Dominic recovered enough to return his anger with a defiant glare. 

“Why not? What happened to you being all nice to her and offering to help her get a job at the hospital and all that shit?”

“She didn’t show up for the interviews. After you bought her clothes for them and everything. She didn’t show up for the one I rescheduled for her. And you fucking know why… because she knew there were drug tests for the job and she knew she couldn’t stay clean long enough to pass them.”

“That’s not why you don’t want her here,” Dominic challenged. “You’re jealous.”

“You fucking know perfectly well I’m jealous, you asshole. I know she’s absolutely crazy about you and I know she wants you and I know you love her, so why the hell would I not be jealous?”

“Because you’re supposed to trust me. I’ve never lied to you about anything with her. If you don’t think she can come in here and help me for a few hours while you’re not here and trust me that I’m not just going to start fucking her… I haven’t touched anybody but you since the first night you brought me back here. You know that, right? Nobody. And I haven’t touched…”

“I know, I know,” Billy muttered. “I know you haven’t.”

“Do you trust me?”

Billy sighed. “I trust you. But I don’t trust those two, Dom. And damnit… I’m not fucking saying they’re going to steal shit or shoot drugs into you while you’re not looking. I’m just talking about the fact that neither of them are exactly the most reliable employees…”

“That’s my problem,” Dominic said. “Not yours.”

Not my problem until it blows up in your face, and then it’s my problem, Billy thought, but he didn’t say it. He was surprised Dominic had only gone as far as the kitchen and not just stormed out of the apartment when Billy started the fight, and there wasn’t any point in pushing it any more tonight. 

 

 

 

Karl answered his phone in a muffled and somewhat confused voice. 

“What… oh, Billy. What’s up? Everything OK?”

Billy pulled his coat around his shoulders against the chill that ran up his spine; even Karl was still assuming something was wrong every time he heard from him. 

“Yeah. Fine. Just walking home from work.”

“You need something?”

Billy opened his mouth to ask about Jewel and about Dylan and about how bad all of this was going to turn out, but something in the back of his head stopped the words. The entire world didn’t need more reasons to assume something was going wrong. 

“Was looking for Orlando. His lazy ass is never at work anymore.”

“He’s working daylights for a few weeks. He’ll be back on a proper evening schedule like the rest of us normal people pretty soon.”

“Good. Even more boring than usual if I don’t have him to piss off.”

He tucked the phone back into his pocket. The entire world definitely didn’t need more reasons to assume something was going wrong, even if it probably was. 

 

 

 

He stepped into the apartment to find a slender young man with cherry-brown hair arranging white boxes on the coffee table. He looked up at Billy with a dimpled, angelic smile. 

“Hey. Dom said you didn’t get home till later.”

“I don’t, usually. Wednesdays I finish early. You’re Dylan, right?”

The younger man eyed him cautiously from behind his cherub face. “Yeah.”

“You just getting ready to deliver those?”

“Last batch. Did east side of town already… Dom says that’s usually the bigger one. Can’t fit all of them in my car without things getting smashed, so I came back for the rest. Ought to take me… probably two hours to get these out.”

Billy had spent enough time dealing with people under the influence of various substances to make a reasonable guess, but even wanting to see it, he couldn’t spot any evidence of impairment. Dylan watched him with narrowed eyes for a moment. 

“If you’re thinking I’m fucked up on something, I’m not,” he said. “I know what you think.”

“I think if you fuck this up for Dominic…”

“He hired me. I’m doing what he hired me to do,” Dylan said, picking up a stack of boxes. “If you don’t like it, talk to him.”

“Talk to me about what?” Dominic asked, sticking his head out of the kitchen. 

Dylan glanced at Billy. “Whether it’d be better to do east side or west side deliveries first.”

Dominic raised an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

“I told him you were the boss,” Dylan said, heading toward the door. “Be right back for the rest.”

Dominic leaned against the kitchen door, watching Billy. 

“You came home early just to see what was going on here, didn’t you.”

Billy scowled. “Wednesday is always my short day, and you fucking know it.”

“Oh… it is Wednesday,” Dominic said, his shoulders dropping a bit. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

“Is Jewel here?”

“She left. We got everything baked by about six.”

“So… now Dylan’s going to finish the deliveries, and then you’re done for the evening?”

“Totally done. I had Jewel make some of the phone calls for orders today, so they’re all ready for tomorrow. Hopefully she got all of them right… I’ll check them and make sure it’s what the customer usually orders…”

“What are you going to do with your whole free evening?” Billy asked. 

Dominic grinned. “I don’t know. Did you have big plans?”

“None yet. But I could make some.”

 

 

 

Karl nodded to the bar stool beside his own, and by the time Billy was seated, Miranda had already arrived with a beer for him and was leaning on the counter, watching him expectantly. 

“What?” he asked.

“Oh, come on,” Karl sighed. “You know, Dom should make a reality TV show out of this. I mean, I’ve seen worse ones. It could be called ‘Hookers to Cookers’…”

“Fuck off, Karl.”

Miranda grinned. “That title makes it sound like you’ve taught them to cook meth, and that’s really not an improvement.”

She saw the expression on Billy’s face and burst out laughing. 

“Honey, if they were running a meth lab in your apartment, you’d know it.”

“Besides, last I knew, none of my kids got into that stuff,” Karl said. “It’s on the banned list… I find out you’re using it, you’re done. Does fucking horrible things to people.”

“As opposed to all the other drugs that don’t?” Billy asked, rolling his eyes. 

“Well, Dylan’s poison of choice is coke,” Miranda said, handing Karl another beer. “And in this town, that’s not a cheap habit, so he really can only afford it on the weekends, and whatever he hoards for during the week. So it’s not like he’s always high.”

Karl nodded. “And Cassidy, the new one… she’s a drinker, but she follows the rules… I won’t send you out if you’re drunk, so she’s usually pretty sober because if she’s not, she doesn’t work.”

“So what’s Jewel’s?” Billy asked. 

Karl shrugged. “Depends on what’s around. Usually pills. She’s pretty high-strung… she likes muscle relaxers, sedatives, things like that.”

“And you mix some muscle relaxers and some benzodiazepines and have a drink or two, and you’ve got central nervous system depression and a mixed-drug overdose death,” Billy muttered. 

“If you’re that pissed about having her in your house, just tell Dom you don’t want her there,” Miranda said. 

“Yeah. That’d go over well.”

“It’s your place too,” Miranda said. “What are you worried about, anyway?”

“What would I be worried about? Dom’s a recovered substance abuser who already overdosed once…”

“That wasn’t…”

“And now he’s got two current substance abuser friends of his hanging out in our apartment and providing them with money they can use to go buy more drugs…”

Karl gave Billy a sharp look. “Dylan and Jewel are my kids you’re talking about, now. I don’t want to hear you talking about them like they’re street trash. Neither of them have ever been as far down as Dom has, so don’t sit here and act like they’re the ones you should be worried about having in your apartment. You’re the one who took the worst one of the bunch home with you and fucking kept him.”

“Sorry,” Billy muttered, staring at the well-polished top of the bar. “That’s not… I didn’t mean it to sound like that. I just don’t want Dom ending up back in things he shouldn’t be.”

Miranda raised an eyebrow. “He’s had plenty of chances, Billy. He doesn’t have to hang out with them to get hold of stuff like that if he wanted it… it’s not the drugs you’re worried about, is it.”

“Of course that’s what I’m worried about…”

“It’s not,” Karl said, glancing at Miranda. “She’s right. That’s not what you’re worried about. You’re worried about him being around those people again. They’re his friends.”

“They’re not good for him.”

“How do you know? He’s known them longer than he’s known you. They took care of him when…”

“And then turned on him…”

“Because he walked out of their lives,” Karl pointed out. “So now he wants to put out a hand and invite them to be part of his, and you’re pissed.”

“That’s not why I’m pissed.”

“No, it’s because you’re jealous,” Miranda said. 

Karl rolled his eyes. “You’re not. Are you? Seriously? What the fuck for?”

Billy scowled. “Have you seen the way he is with Jewel? She sits on his lap, he cuddles her, he plays with her hair…”

“And he DOESN’T LIKE GIRLS,” Karl interrupted. 

Billy raised his head. “He… you said he worked on both sides.”

“Not happily,” Karl said. “The male customers didn’t tend to go for him… if they were looking for a dominant, he doesn’t look the part, and if they were looking for a serious submissive I sure as hell wasn’t sending him. The female customers liked the looks of him, and he needed the money… but I’d have thought you two would have discussed this at some point, seeing as how you fucking live together and everything. He’s not attracted to girls. At all. Any girls. And definitely not Jewel. It’s not like she didn’t try… and it’s not like she’s the only one who tried. The only time I’ve ever seen him even pretend to be sexually interested in a woman is when he was getting paid to.”

Miranda sighed. “Isn’t that the kind of thing you two should probably know about each other?”

“No,” Billy snapped. “You think he wants to talk about what he used to do? He doesn’t. And I didn’t used to do ANYTHING. Karl knows that.”

“I was starting to think he was pretty much asexual,” Karl said. “But I’m telling you… if you seriously thought something like that was going on, you should worry more about Dylan than Jewel. Dom doesn’t like girls. Period.”

“You think that’s the only thing to be jealous about?” Miranda said, slapping Karl’s arm. “My boyfriend’s straight as an arrow and I still wouldn’t like it if he had a guy friend he loved on like that. I only want him to love on ME like that. I thought you two talked about that, though. About her.”

“We did.”

“So even though you told him it bothered you, he’s still like that with her?”

“Well… no. I mean… last time I saw them together was at our party, and he danced with her… but he danced with Doris, too, so…”

“What’s he been like with her while she’s helping him with the baking?” Miranda asked. 

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen them. By the time I get home, she’s long gone and Dylan is in and out doing deliveries.”

“She’s never there when you get home?” Karl asked. “I mean, it’s been a couple of weeks. You don’t always work the same shift. You’ve never actually seen her there?”

Billy felt a chill crawl into his stomach. “No. What… he’s making sure she’s only there when I’m not, or…”

“That’s not what I was thinking,” Karl said, shaking his head. “I think he’s covering for her.”

“What?”

“You STILL haven’t found her?” Miranda demanded. 

“What?” Billy repeated. 

“I haven’t seen Jewel for a month,” Karl explained. “Probably a little more than a month. I was taking Dom’s word that he’s been seeing her pretty much every day and that she’s fine. Now I’m starting to wonder. What are the chances he’s getting all the baking done himself?”

“Pretty good, actually. It was trying to keep the orders and deliveries straight that was slowing him down the most. If Dylan’s taking all the orders and doing all the deliveries…”

“Damnit,” Karl muttered. 

“You think she hasn’t even been there at all?”

“I think we need to ask the person who’d know,” Karl said. “Finish your beer and let’s go ask him.”

“I don’t even want the rest. I just want to know what the hell’s going on.”

 

 

 

The apartment door was locked, and the apartment dark and empty. An orange sticky note was attached to the lampshade in the living room. Billy pulled it off and stuffed it in his pocket. 

“Says he finished the baking and figured he’d help Dylan do the deliveries. He does that sometimes… he does the east side and Dylan does the west side. He knew I was going to be with you guys for a little while, so…”

“You’ve seen Dylan here, though, right?” Karl asked. 

“Yeah. At least a couple of times a week, he’s here picking up deliveries or dropping off lists of orders. I’m actually starting to like the guy.”

“He’s a good kid,” Karl said. “So… even though he’s only in and out to pick things up, you still see him and never Jewel?”

“I kind of figured Dom didn’t want the two of us crossing paths,” Billy said. “Come on… I want to look at the kitchen.”

Karl followed him, inhaling the lingering fragrance of cinnamon and cookies and apple pies. Billy picked up the pile of papers on the end of the counter, handwritten orders on little notepads. 

“That’s Dom’s handwriting,” Billy said, pointing. “And I’ve seen the boxes Dylan labels… his handwriting is neater than Dom’s, and he prints. He wrote these. So…”

“So Jewel didn’t write any of them,” Karl said. “Have you seen anything here that might have been hers? She usually leaves things everywhere. If she’d been here every day…”

The apartment door opened, then closed. Dominic’s voice from the living room sounded more weary than angry.

“Figured you’d come home while I wasn’t expecting it and see what was up?”

“No, he didn’t,” Karl said, stepping into the kitchen doorway and watching Dominic’s eyes widen. “He’d have spent the rest of the evening pissing around drinking half a beer and talking to Miranda if it had been up to him. One who thinks there’s something funny going on here is me.”

Dominic glanced past Karl toward Billy. Karl shook his head.

“You don’t need to talk to him. You need to talk to me. I want to know what’s going on with Jewel. You and I both know she doesn’t always make good decisions, and she needs someone to keep an eye out for her, and you know I promised her I would do that. You’ve seen me bail her ass out of jail and you’ve seen me carry her home just to make sure she ended up in her own bed. So why the hell would you lie to me about where she is and what she’s doing?”

“Who said I was lying about her?” Dominic demanded, stepping back with wary eyes. 

“Call her,” Karl said. 

Dominic shifted uneasily. Billy’s feet seemed to be attempting to move him forward without his consent, move him toward Dominic, between Dominic and anything that put that hint of desperation and panic in Dominic’s eyes. He must have moved slightly, because Karl glanced at him and gave him a sharp look before turning back to Dominic. 

“She doesn’t have her phone anymore,” Dominic murmured. 

“I bought her the phone. I didn’t have it turned off. If it was broken, I’d get her a new one. I’ve done it before. Where’s her phone?”

“She doesn’t have it. She lost it.”

Karl crossed his arms. “You know me better than this, Dominic. You know I protect my kids, and you may think you’re helping her if you’re keeping some kind of secret for her, but if she’s in trouble, I need to know about it, and you need to tell me.”

“She doesn’t need you to protect her,” Dominic snapped. “We’re adults, you know. I mean… she’s an adult. Not a kid.”

“She thinks like a kid and you know it. Maybe you’ve learned how to take care of yourself and stay out of trouble and handle your own shit, but she hasn’t. What do you think she could possibly have going on that I wouldn’t help her get out of?”

Dominic’s shoulders slumped, and he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a crumpled and folded sheet of notebook paper. 

“Fine. This is what I know. I asked her to come help me with the baking. She said she would. I made her promise that if I gave her the chance, she wouldn’t fuck it up and she wouldn’t make me regret it… basically, that she wouldn’t just turn around and prove Billy was right. Except I guess he was, because she never showed up. She never answered her phone. A few days after she was supposed to start helping here, I found this shoved under the door.”

Karl took the note from Dominic, and his face was expressionless as he read it. After a moment, he nodded and handed it to Billy. 

“He doesn’t need to be involved in this…”

“I think he does,” Karl said. 

Billy let his eyes adjust to the spidery, unsteady handwriting. 

 

DOM

I’m sorry. I know I promised. You were counting on me and I fucked it all up just like I always fuck everything up. I’m going to get out of here and go some place where I don’t hurt anybody or mess up anybody’s life. Don’t call me. You don’t want to talk to me. It’s bad for you. I’m bad for you. I’m bad for everyone. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just don’t say anything to Karl so he doesn’t come and try to find me. I’m just leaving and I don’t want anyone trying to find me. If you love me, you won’t call me again, and you won’t try to find me, and you’ll make sure nobody else does either.

JILL

 

“Jill?” 

“You’re now probably the third person in this town, after me and Dom, who know that’s her real name,” Karl said. “Dom… why the hell would you not tell me about this?”

“Did you miss the part where she begged me not to?”

“Damnit, you fucking KNOW she doesn’t think straight when she’s like this!”

“I wanted to find her,” Dom muttered, sinking into the armchair. “I didn’t think she’d really left, at first. Dylan kept asking people and they kept saying they’d seen her here, or they’d talked to her there… but then it turned out nobody could remember when they saw her last.”

“And you didn’t ask me for help.”

“She didn’t want your help! She said she didn’t want you coming after her! Wherever she went, she wanted to do it without a fucking babysitter watching her ass all the time!” 

“Dom…” Billy attempted. 

“No. Fuck off. She asked me not to call her fucking babysitter, so I didn’t. I know you think we’re idiots and can’t take care of ourselves and you have to watch us and be there to rescue our asses when we fuck up…”

“I stopped doing that for you,” Karl said. 

“Yeah. Because Billy took the job.”

“No… because you didn’t need it anymore. You were safe and you were clean and you were taking care of yourself. Some of my kids need more help than others. Dylan pretty much manages on his own, but I still screen his clients because I want him to be safe, and he likes knowing that if something goes bad, I know exactly where he is and who he’s with… and it’s been pretty well established I won’t hesitate to come in swinging if I have to. Now, you really want to tell me Jewel is just fine and isn’t constantly putting herself in danger, Dominic? Try to look me in the eye and tell me that shit.”

Billy didn’t even realize he’d stepped backwards into the kitchen, an unconscious retreat, but this wasn’t the Karl he’d known since college. He knew Karl didn’t tolerate anyone mistreating his staff and that he’d roughed up a few people who tried, but he’d never actually seen him angry. 

Dominic had, though, and Billy could tell by the way he slumped down in the chair as if he could disappear into the cushions. 

“She’s a good girl,” he murmured. 

“She’s a mess,” Karl said. “Where is she?”

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t. The last time I saw her was before this note showed up under the door. She made sure to leave it while I was gone, too, because if I’m not out making deliveries, I’m pretty much always at home. Nobody’s been able to tell me anything and nobody’s seen her.”

“I know that,” Karl said. “You don’t think I’ve been looking for her too? I know a lot more people in this town than you do. She’s not here. If she left, no one saw her leave, and no one’s heard from her. I assume you talked to her roommates, right?”

Dominic nodded. “They said she took a bag with some clothes in it the last time they saw her, but…”

“But she does that all the time, because she doesn’t always come home,” Karl said. “Right? Yeah. So she’s been gone for almost a month, didn’t come back for her stuff, didn’t call anyone, didn’t take her phone with her… and you thought you should fucking cover this shit up, Dom?”

Dominic squirmed in his seat and stared at the floor. 

“You wanted to be the rescuer this time, right? Figured it was your turn?”

“Fuck off. I wanted to help her,” Dominic muttered, but there was no force behind the words. 

Karl turned around, and Billy found himself taking another step backwards, but Karl’s face was as calm as if he were asking Miranda for another beer.

“Orlando’s at work, and I’ll just get his voice mail. You can call there and have him paged, right?”

“Not supposed to, but whoever is working at the desk will put it through for me.”

“Have him paged to the desk, and when he gets there, I want him to call me.”

“I… yeah. Give me a minute.”

 

 

 

By the time Billy had put the message through the front desk, Karl had made himself comfortable on the couch, letting Dominic retreat to hide in the kitchen. Billy poured two glasses of whiskey and handed one to Karl before sitting down in the armchair. 

“I’d have found out about this sooner if you and Miranda hadn’t been up my ass to leave him alone and let him handle things himself.”

Karl shrugged. “It wouldn’t have mattered. If she’s been gone this long…”

“Is this what I get for trusting him?”

Karl eyed him over the edge of his glass. “What you get? This isn’t about you. You trusted him to… what? Hire someone he knew would be good at helping him with his business? Dylan’s done just fine. He seems to like doing it… likes being the cute delivery boy with the boxes of cookies. You trusted him to not get himself back into trouble like he used to be in… and he hasn’t. You were worried about what was going on with him and Jewel… and you didn’t have to be, because he hasn’t even seen her.”

“You knew she was missing,” Billy said. “Why’d you believe Dom when he said he’d been seeing her every day?”

“I didn’t, really,” Karl said, shrugging. “I assumed maybe she’d been hiding out here on and off. I knew if there was one person in this town she’d do anything to see, even if she was hiding from the rest of the world, would be Dom. Now I see that note, and find out that even Dom hasn’t heard a word from her…”

“She’s not hiding. And she didn’t leave, because even if she left, she wouldn’t go a month without talking to him. She would have at least called him.”

Karl nodded. “She knows if she asked him to keep a secret, he would. For her, he’d do pretty much anything… anything to protect her. She’s run off before, said she was going home, going to California, going all kinds of places… but within a couple of days she always called him, asked him to make sure I wasn’t mad, asked him for money for a bus ticket… always came back to him. So I figured if she was coming back to anybody, or talking to anybody, it was him. If even he hasn’t heard from her… and all she left him with was a note like that…”

Billy set his glass down slowly. “And Orlando has access to the hospital records.”

“Yeah.”

“You know, if she came through our hospital, I’d have heard. The nurses had met her… one of them would have said something. Nobody keeps secrets in an emergency department.”

“That’s what I figured. But he’s got the title and authority and all that… he can check records at other places. Someone has a Jane Doe that meets her description.”

Billy glanced at the kitchen door, knowing Dom was just on the other side of the wall and listening to every word. 

“You think…”

“I’m pretty damn sure,” Karl said, and then his phone rang.

 

 

Billy watched the door close as Karl left, still talking to Orlando on his phone. He reached for his glass of whiskey, trying to pretend that his full attention wasn’t focused on the kitchen door behind him. For a few long minutes, there was only silence. When the footsteps began padding across the floor, Billy forced himself to stay still, looking forward, until Dominic flopped down on the couch next to him and reached for the glass of whiskey that Karl hadn’t finished. He emptied it with a smooth swallow before setting it down and reaching for the bottle. His hand stopped before it made contact, and he gave Billy a sideways look. 

“Don’t tell me not to…”

“Probably do us both some good, at this point,” Billy said, raising his glass. 

Dominic poured himself a carefully measured half of a glass and leaned back into the couch. Billy waited; if Dominic wanted to avoid being physically within Billy’s reach, he sat in the armchair, and if he didn’t want to talk to him at all, he stayed in the kitchen. 

“Karl thinks she’s dead?” Dominic asked, flatly. 

“He seems to think so.”

“Is this my fault?”

“If something did happen to her, you didn’t do it.”

“No, but if I hadn’t tried to…”

“She knew you’d keep her secret for her,” Billy said. “She was counting on it. She knew…”

“Yeah. She knew I was a sucker. She knew I’d do whatever she asked me to do without asking any questions, do things I knew were stupid… lie to Karl… lie to you…”

Billy waited, chewing on his lip to silence himself. 

“I’m sorry for lying to you. It just goes and proves everything you were worried about was true…”

“None of it was true,” Billy said. “All the things I was worried about… none of them happened. Seems like you were smart, hiring Dylan… he hasn’t messed up a delivery yet, has he?”

Dominic shook his head. “The customers like him… when he takes orders they’re always right…”

“So… he’s been fine.”

“You were right about Jewel. I knew she’d be a mess and wouldn’t be any help. I just wanted her here so I could keep an eye on her, try to keep her safe… is it my fault, if she’s…”

Billy set down his glass, took a breath, and bridged the distance between them to lay a hand over Dominic’s where it rested on the couch, exhaling only when Dominic didn’t jerk away. 

“When you… if I hadn’t gotten back here in time to find you… would that have been my fault?”

Dominic’s fingers curled tightly. “You know it wouldn’t have.”

“Well, then... she didn’t even give you a chance to do that. You knew I’d find you. You knew when I called and you didn’t answer, I’d come back here looking for you. You stayed here because you knew I’d find you. She didn’t give you a chance.”

“I didn’t want to die,” Dominic said, very quietly. 

“I know.”

“Do you think she wanted to die? Jewel?”

“I don’t know.”

“Maybe she just did what I did. Tried to get away, tried to make it stop, took everything too far…”

“Except you knew I was coming for you, Dom.”

“I would have been there for her. She didn’t let me. She didn’t… she just went away. She was just… gone. I couldn’t…”

Billy squeezed his hand. “You didn’t do this. Whatever happened to make her the way she is… you didn’t do any of it. I mean, I don’t know what made her…”

“You never really wanted to hear me talk about her,” Dominic said. “I could tell. I know the last thing you wanted to hear about was how I felt about her, even though it wasn’t…”

“I want to hear about it now,” Billy said, reaching for the bottle and topping off both of their glasses. “Start talking. I’m listening.”

It didn’t take long for Billy to be too drunk to properly remember the things Dominic was telling him, or for Dominic to be drunk enough that the stories stopped making sense and started wandering off into the middle of other stories. It didn’t take much longer for both of them to fall asleep, Dominic slumped over with his head on Billy’s lap and Billy’s hand resting on his head, paused in the act of stroking the spiky blond hair. 

 

 

 

Billy’s phone ringing jerked them both back into sharp awareness. Dominic jumped back as if he didn’t know how he’d ended up where he was, and Billy fumbled for his phone, eyes too blurry to read the number. 

“Hello?”

“Wake up, sunshine,” Liv’s voice said. “We got an overtime open tonight.”

“Ummm…”

“The correct answer is ‘Sure, Liv! I’ll be right in!’, remember?”

“Can’t.”

“What? Since when?”

“Since I can’t.”

Her voice dropped. “Is everything okay? I mean…”

“Yes. Fine. Just busy. I do have a life, you know.”

“Liar. I’ll call someone else.”

Dominic rubbed his face as Billy set the phone down. 

“I was afraid that would be Karl,” he admitted. 

“Yeah. Me too,” Billy said. “But if we don’t hear from him, that’s good, because it means he hasn’t…”

“Did you just turn down overtime?”

“Yeah…”

He rolled his eyes. “If you’re just going to sit here and babysit me until I hear back from Karl…”

“I turned down overtime because I didn’t think it would be a good idea to go to work while I’m still drunk.”

“Oh. Well… I suppose there is that,” Dominic said, leaning back into Billy’s shoulder. “Seriously, though. Whatever happens… I’ll be okay. I promise. I won’t do something stupid. I know that’s what you’re thinking, but it’s not going to happen. I mean, I can’t promise that I won’t be…”

“I know.”

“I can’t promise I’ll take it well, but I swear, Billy… I won’t do anything stupid. I’m not… I’m not making you deal with that again.”

He curled his fingers around Billy’s. Billy sighed and planted a kiss on the side of his head. 

“Thank you.”

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

“I’m trying to. I want to. I’m just afraid that if I make a mistake and believe you when I shouldn’t, I could end up losing you… just because I wasn’t watching you when I needed to.”

Dom shook his head. “Not anymore. Not after this.”

“After what?”

“After this. With Jewel. After…”

He buried his head against Billy’s shirt. 

“Now that you know what it feels like,” Billy said quietly. 

Dominic nodded. “From this side. Yeah. Being the one in self-destruct mode isn’t a great feeling… but being on this side and watching it happen is a bitch. At least when you’re the one who’s… when you’re on that side, it all seems to make sense, or at least it seems like you’re doing something because it’s what you have to do. This side… you’re just waiting, with your hands tied, and you can see everything, but…”

“But you can’t fix it.”

Dominic sat up abruptly and grabbed Billy’s shirt, dragging him down into a fierce, demanding kiss. Billy’s fogged mind took a moment to catch up, but by the time it did, his arms were already around Dominic’s warm body and his hands were already tugging at Dominic’s shirt, trying to get at the bare skin underneath.

“We could go into the…” 

Billy’s suggestion was interrupted by suddenly finding Dominic straddling him, pressing him down into the couch. 

“I… maybe this isn’t…”

“Don’t,” Dominic said, silencing him with a kiss and a grip that was more like an order than an embrace. “Just… not now. You can worry about all that stuff later… we can think about all of it later…”

Billy looked up at him. “This isn’t going to keep that phone from ringing, Dom.”

“I know that. It doesn’t matter. I can’t fix it. Whatever happened…”

His head slumped forward, resting on Billy’s shoulder. Billy gripped his hair and held on, and Dominic’s breath caught in his throat. 

“It’s not your fault. Whatever she was doing, you couldn’t have stopped her…”

“You stopped me,” Dominic murmured, and Billy felt the hot tears against his neck. 

“You wanted me to stop you. You knew I would. You trusted me to stop you.”

“She didn’t trust me to stop her?”

“Maybe she didn’t want anybody to stop her. Maybe she wasn’t thinking that clearly.”

“Maybe I was just lucky.”

Billy shivered. “Then we were both just lucky, I guess… because I think the world would’ve ended if I’d lost you like that.”

“It would have gone on just the same way it did before you met me.”

Billy tightened his grip in Dominic’s hair. “Nothing is ever, ever going to be like it was before I met you. Nothing’s ever going to undo whatever you did to me the minute I met you… and you didn’t even want to talk to me.”

Dominic laughed. “No. I didn’t. I thought you were just one of those assholes who thinks they need to stick their nose into everybody’s business.”

“Were you wrong?”

“No. But I guess I like your nose in my business. Or at least I’ve gotten used to it.”

Billy’s free hand moved up to rub across the back of Dominic’s neck. “Well, at least there’s that.”

Dominic’s breathing evened out, and he raised his head again, face streaked with tears. 

“She ran away from me.”

“She didn’t run away from you. She just ran away and didn’t let you follow her. You weren’t what she wanted to get away from.”

The knock at the door made them both jump, and Dominic scrambled to his feet. Billy motioned for him to sit down and walked toward the door, half expecting someone to come bursting through with more catastrophe.

“Who is it?”

“Dylan.”

“Dom said the deliveries were done.”

“Had a message on my phone from Karl. Wanted to talk to me. Figured I should talk to Dom first, on account of it’s Dom’s ass I’m covering.”

Billy glanced over his shoulder. Dominic nodded, rubbing his face with his sleeve, so Billy opened the door. Dylan grinned.

“You screening Dom’s visitors?”

“No. It’s just…”

He looked back toward the couch, but Dominic was gone and the bathroom door was closed.

“Just not a great time. And yeah… Karl was here, and I guess… so you knew about this whole thing with Jewel and that Dom was keeping it a secret?”

“You gonna let me in?”

Billy sheepishly stepped aside and motioned to the couch. Dylan sat down.

“So, yeah, but don’t blame me. He kept telling me she’d been here and I just missed her. I knew it was bullshit but I wasn’t going to call him on it. I know how they are… like brother and sister. If he wanted to lie to me about what was up with her, I wasn’t going to say anything… and I definitely wasn’t going to say anything to you.”

Billy slumped into the armchair. “Yeah. Because I’ve been a dick. I’m sorry.”

“Actually, just because it seems like you and Dom have a good thing going, and I wouldn’t want to fuck that up for anybody,” Dylan said, shrugging. “But yeah, you’ve been a dick. I understand, though. I mean… I guess I’m supposed to be ashamed of what I do, but it’s easy, and I work when I want to, and you wouldn’t believe how much people will pay me for it, so…”

“Considering the hours I have to work and what I have to do and how much they pay me, I’m thinking you’ve got the better deal,” Billy said. “At least you don’t have to insert catheters or clean up shit.”

“If they want that on their own time, they’ll have to find someone besides me,” Dylan said, making a face. “And I know there’s people that do.”

Billy nodded to the bottle of whiskey. “You know your way around our kitchen well enough to get yourself a glass, right?”

Dylan grinned. “I do believe so.”

He returned a moment later and held out the glass. Billy poured it full, then refilled his own.

“What are we drinking to?” Dylan asked.

Billy studied his drink for a moment. “Not having to insert any catheters tonight?”

“Fuck. I’ll drink to that.”

 

 

 

The bottle was much closer to empty by the time the bathroom door opened. Billy heard it, but was a bit too drunk to remember why he should pay attention to it. Dylan was in the middle of a story that had started with a party but now seemed to be about a trip to the Grand Canyon he’d gone on with his family when he was a kid, and he kept talking without a pause as Dominic slipped up behind him and cautiously settled into the far corner of the couch. 

“The whole time we were taking this tour, we were supposed to be appreciating all the amazing scenery and the wonders of nature and everything, and all my sister and I could do was giggle because we were riding donkeys, and, you know… asses.”

Dominic rolled his eyes. “Is that what you two have been talking about out here?”

Billy shrugged. “Mostly. I told him about Karl failing out of college because he’d just found out there was such a thing as being gay and he was way more interested in that than classes.”

“I’m gonna give him shit about that, too,” Dylan said, reaching for the bottle again. 

“Leave some for me,” Dominic said, snatching the bottle from him, and filled up the half-empty glass that had been waiting for him since he’d vanished into the bathroom. “You didn’t tell me Karl failed out of college.”

“I wasn’t drunk enough.”

“Why are you drunk enough now?”

“Dunno.”

“Because I keep filling his glass up,” Dylan said. “This man needs to loosen up… seriously. I’d say he needed to get laid if I wasn’t pretty sure you were taking care of that job.”

“Fuck off,” Billy muttered.

“How long had it been before you met him?” Dylan asked, pointing at Dominic. 

“Long time.”

“He was a blushing virgin,” Dominic added. 

Billy kicked him. “Was not.”

“Girls or boys?” Dylan asked. 

Billy glanced at Dominic, who looked back at him with a raised eyebrow. Dylan laughed. 

“Do you guys ever actually talk about anything?”

“Not about… before,” Dominic said. “Before us. I’d rather pretend most of it didn’t happen, and Billy just… huh. I guess I just sort of figured he didn’t have a ‘before’.”

“What, like he just popped into existence the day he met you?” Dylan said, a distinct hint of mischief creeping into his angelic grin. “Or did you figure he’d been hiding in a hole up till then?”

“The hole was called ‘school’,” Billy said. “And then it was called ‘work’.”

“Lots of people do school. And work. And still have a life. What happened to yours?”

“I had a life.”

“Right,” Dylan said. “So. Girls or boys?”

Billy scowled. “Fine. There was a girl when I was in college. We… a few times. It wasn’t… anything great. She didn’t particularly like me. I think she felt bad for me. And there was a guy. I met him during my nursing program. He wasn’t… what is this, anyway? Truth or dare?”

“He wasn’t what?”

“He wasn’t interested in me, particularly. But he was one of Karl’s friends and Karl must have hinted to him that he thought I needed some… anyway, so he… gave me a bit of an education, I guess. That’s about all.”

Dominic blinked. “Are you telling me that I’m the first person you’ve ever even dated?”

“Umm. Sort of.”

Dylan laughed. “For as much as you two have been through together you’re pretty shitty at communication, you know. Seriously? You never discussed this?”

“I just assumed since Billy seemed to know how to handle everything…”

“I didn’t have a fucking clue how to handle anything,” Billy said. “I was terrified.”

“Suppose it’s a good thing I didn’t know that at the time. I was sort of relying on you to know what the hell we were doing.”

“I still don’t know what the hell we’re doing.”

Dylan grinned. “Seem to be doing something right, apparently, because I didn’t figure Dom would ever let anybody besides Jewel know anything about him, and from what Karl’s said he figured Billy basically just didn’t do the whole ‘sex thing’.”

“I know how to do the whole ‘sex thing’,” Billy said indignantly, waving his glass and then realizing he didn’t have to worry about spilling it because it was empty. 

Dominic shrugged. “He does. I’m a witness.”

“So what… all sex, no talk?” Dylan laughed. 

Billy glanced over at Dominic. “If you had someone who looked like that walking around your place, would you spend much time talking?”

“I think I like you when you’re drunk,” Dominic observed. 

“Why? He doesn’t tell you how hot you are when he’s not?”

“Oh, he does. Just not in front of other people. First time I went to visit him at work he told people I was a psych patient.”

“You were dressed as a giant penis.”

“It was funny,” Dominic argued. 

“If you’re twelve,” Dylan said, shaking his head. “You’re an idiot.”

“Fuck you.”

“Doris liked it,” Billy offered. “She wants you to deliver pies dressed like that.”

“Oh, yeah?” Dylan asked. “Who’s Doris? Should I be doing that delivery?”

Billy glanced at Dominic, who grinned broadly. “Fuck, yeah, you should.”

“That so? You know I don’t really go for most girls…”

“Oh… Doris is NOT ‘most girls’,” Dominic assured him. “In fact, I’d say she’s absolutely one of a kind. The kind you never forget.”

Billy attempted not to giggle. “Never.”

Dominic stood up. “I’ve got some cookies you can take over to the hospital on your way home. She’s probably still there…”

“I think she lives there,” Billy said. 

“Just go in and tell them Billy and Dom sent them for Doris. And after she’s knocked you off your feet, call us and let us know how it went.”

Giving them a doubtful look over his shoulder, Dylan took the box of cookies and headed out the door. 

“What the hell did you do that for?” Billy asked. 

Dominic looked down at his phone, and his smile faded slightly. “Because now, when it rings, it might be somebody other than Karl. And it might be something other than…”

“Karl might be wrong, you know.”

Dominic leaned back into the couch. “He might be. I can think of at least two things he’s been wrong about before.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m looking at one of them,” Dominic said. “And the other one is me.”

Billy smiled. “Called both of us wrong, didn’t he.”

“So did everybody else. You want to come sit over here on the couch?”

“If I don’t fall down trying.”

“You’re trashed,” Dominic observed. 

“It appears so.”

“You should get drunk more often.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s funny as hell. Get over here.”

 

 

 

Billy rubbed his head and tossing a few extra aspirin into his lunch bag. Dominic leaned on his elbows against the counter, grinning. 

“Are you still hung over? We even got up and had a nice breakfast… or lunch… whatever it was. You ought to be feeling great.”

“Well, I’m not, and I’ve got a sixteen-hour shift tonight.”

Dominic’s reply was interrupted by the shrill demand of the oven timer. Billy slid out of the way as Dominic grabbed his oven mitts and retrieved a tray of cinnamon rolls. The scent immediately filled the kitchen, and Billy found himself staring at them longingly. 

“Keep your hands off them,” Dominic warned. “They’re too hot to eat, and they’re not iced yet, and even if they were, I need them all for an order.”

“You never make cinnamon rolls for us.”

“How about I make another batch after I’m done with my orders, and I’ll bring them to you at work tonight?”

“I wouldn’t complain… but assume you won’t get past the nurses’ station without giving up at least half of them.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Dominic said, sliding neatly arranged blobs of dough on a tray into the oven. “It’ll be late, though. I’m behind on orders, since we slept half the day. Dylan already called once…”

“He’s on top of things, isn’t he,” Billy said. 

Dominic glanced at him. “Didn’t believe me, did you.”

“No, and you weren’t sure either. So I’m glad it worked out. He’s smarter than I thought he was, and…”

“And he got you drunk, which I’ve been failing to do for as long as I’ve known you. I’m gonna try harder, though. You were a hell of a lot of fun last night.”

“Before we went to bed or after?”

“Both, actually, since you don’t usually let me do stuff like that to you…”

Billy rolled his eyes. “You’re not fooling me. I wasn’t THAT drunk. I’ve got to go… call me if you hear anything…”

Dominic’s grin faded. “Yeah. I will.”

 

 

 

Restocking and reorganizing the trauma bays after a massive, bloody emergency seemed to be the kind of time-consuming task Billy was looking for on a slow night that had left him with too much time to think. He was in the midst of checking all of the equipment trays to make sure everything was where it should be when a familiar scent filled the air, and a familiar voice came with it. 

“Hey, you. You could have made someone else do that, you know.”

Billy turned to find Doris grinning at him while she stuffed the last piece of a cinnamon roll into her mouth. 

“Where’d you get that?” he demanded. 

“Mph. I forget to tell you our boy toy is here with treats?”

“Shit. Does he think I’m ignoring him?”

“Nah. He’s out talking to the nurses. He knows I’m back here fucking with you.”

“There better be cinnamon rolls left when I get out there…”

“Then you better move your skinny little ass.”

 

 

 

Billy stopped at the double doors that led from the hallway out into the nurses’ station. Through the windows, he could see Dominic sitting behind the counter, where guests weren’t supposed to be allowed, but the only person who might protest was Dr. Mortensen, and he was occupied with stuffing a cinnamon roll into his mouth and trying to write notes on a chart at the same time. There were four big white boxes on the counter, and for a moment Billy wondered how many trips it had taken for Dominic to bring them all in, but then he realized Dominic hadn’t come by himself. Dylan was leaning against the wall, away from the noisy crowd around the nurses’ station, watching with an unreadable expression on that deceptively innocent face.

“Who’s that?” Doris asked. 

“That’s Dominic’s partner in pastry crimes.”

“He’s pretty. Maybe prettier than your boy.”

Billy grinned. “If you’ve got some cash on you, you could probably take that one home with you tonight.”

“Pssh. He wouldn’t know what to do with me. You going to go get your cinnamon roll?”

“Sure,” Billy said, and pushed through the doors. 

Dominic didn’t notice; he was too busy dodging the clipboard that one of the nurses had just tried to smack him in the head with. Dylan noticed, though, and gave him a nod. While Doris headed for Dominic and the cinnamon rolls, Billy found himself leaning against the wall next to Dylan. 

“He told me we were dropping off an order,” Dylan said. “He didn’t mention he’s a fucking celebrity here.”

“At least it’s for a good reason this time.”

Dylan raised an eyebrow. “What was it before?”

“Hmm. I’m not sure if it was the suicide attempt, the showing up dressed like a penis, or the part about me showing up to work every few weeks looking like I’d been in a bar fight.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you liked it better when he was a celebrity for those reasons.”

Billy scowled. “No… I mean, I’m happy to see… you know. He’s happy. I don’t even worry about him anymore, not like I used to.”

“Feels like he got off a little too easily, doesn’t it.”

Billy looked over at him, but Dylan’s face was a cherubic mask. 

“What do you mean by that?” he demanded. 

“For you. It feels like he got off a little too easily. You took the bruises. You paid the prices. You made the sacrifices. And now he’s here, looking like he just managed to float right above it all by himself. Right?”

“No. Fuck you. That’s not… I know what it took for him to get this far.”

“And you know he wouldn’t be here without you,” Dylan said. “But without him, you’d still be right where you are now… right here. Same place, same time, same life.”

“Except without him in it,” Billy said. 

“Worth it?” Dylan asked. 

“Fuck off. Of course it was,” Billy retorted, but when Dylan’s eyes didn’t leave his face, he realized they were looking through him, and he heard his tone soften. “Yeah. All worth it. Besides, I hate being in the spotlight, so I’m pretty happy being over here, letting him do it. He earned this.”

“Not alone,” Dylan said. “He knows that. Somebody gave him a chance. A lot of chances, actually. Somebody kept pulling him back.”

“Yeah. Some idiot.”

Dylan grinned. “I hear love makes people stupid.”

“It doesn’t work on you?”

“Don’t know. Never been in love.”

“Not even, like, a crush, when you were younger?”

Dylan looked back across the room, his gaze distant. “When you’re a kid, and someone tells you they love you… and then they do things that you don’t do to a kid… but they tell you it’s love… it sort of fucks up what you think love is.”

Billy opened his mouth to say something, but Dylan waved his hand. 

“Forget about it. I’m going out to smoke a cigarette… you can do that out front there, right?”

“Yeah…”

“I’ll be back in a few. You still be here?”

“Yeah. Just got one thing to clean up back in the trauma bay, and then I’ll be back out.”

 

 

 

The only patient in the emergency department at the moment was an old man with chronic emphysema, sleeping in his bed with an oxygen mask and waiting for the respiratory therapist to come see him. Billy glanced in on him, then stepped back out into the hall and pulled out his phone. He flipped through the contacts. The list wasn’t long; he didn’t call many people. He found the one he was looking for, remembering when she’d taken his phone and tapped the number in with fingertips ragged from constant chewing. 

“There,” she’d said. “If you hear about any other jobs there at the hospital, you’ll call me, right?”

“Sure,” he’d said, and he hadn’t, because she’d failed to show up for two interviews and they weren’t going to give her a third one. “I’ll call you.”

The phone rang a few times before a polite recorded voice informed him that the voice mail box he had dialed was full and could not record new messages, then disconnected him.  
He slid his phone back into his pocket and walked back toward the nurses’ station, stopping along the way to look in again on the slumbering patient. 

His hand came up to rest on the double doors, ready to push them open. 

The phone in his pocket started to vibrate. 

He grabbed for it and looked at the screen, but it only identified the caller as “unknown”. He tapped the screen and raised the phone to his ear, waiting for someone to speak, but there was only silence. 

“Hello?” 

The silence remained. 

“It’s Billy,” he said. 

“I know,” a ragged-edged voice answered. “Why did you call me?”

“I’m going to help you.”

“I don’t… I don’t need help.”

“Yeah. You do. That’s why you called me back.”

There was a choked sob from the other end of the phone. “Yeah. I do.”

“Okay. Just talk to me. It’s gonna be okay.”

 

 

.  
.  
.


End file.
